Thoughts please?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,010
Thoughts please?
I had been sober for 8 months before I relapsed in July. I have been sober from the 12th July 2014.
Some of you may know that I am 33 years old, unemployed and living with my parents.
I admit that before my relapse, I got stuck in a kind of a rut. I had stopped applying for jobs, and my life was on "hold".
Last week, I applied for a job in Spain, on a whim. I never thought I would hear back, or else I would get the "rejection" e-mail: "Due to the volume of applications...blah blah blah".
Anyway, this morning I got an e-mail saying that they liked my CV and would be interested in setting up a Skype interview. I was totally over the moon for a few minutes, before my dad brought me quickly back down to earth.
This constant negativity makes me want to weep. I got the same lecture from both my parents about how I can't manage on my own. Someone would have to come over with me to "mind" me.
The thing is this: in spite of all that's happened, in spite of every single thing I have gone through and lived, in spite of one of the worst recessions we have ever seen and how many people all over the world are out of work, they liked my CV a lot, and I can't help but see that as a positive thing.
Like I said to my dad, I am sure they have AA meetings in Spain.
It is only an interview. No point in counting chickens and all that. However, can I not have my dream for 5 minutes before I am brought crashing back down to earth?
I know I am in my 30s, but I can't get this feeling out of my head that I need their "permission" to do stuff. Which I don't. I know they worry about me, is all. Maybe too much?
I am unsure of what my next step should be. Anyway, I just wanted to get my frustrations off my chest.
Some of you may know that I am 33 years old, unemployed and living with my parents.
I admit that before my relapse, I got stuck in a kind of a rut. I had stopped applying for jobs, and my life was on "hold".
Last week, I applied for a job in Spain, on a whim. I never thought I would hear back, or else I would get the "rejection" e-mail: "Due to the volume of applications...blah blah blah".
Anyway, this morning I got an e-mail saying that they liked my CV and would be interested in setting up a Skype interview. I was totally over the moon for a few minutes, before my dad brought me quickly back down to earth.
This constant negativity makes me want to weep. I got the same lecture from both my parents about how I can't manage on my own. Someone would have to come over with me to "mind" me.
The thing is this: in spite of all that's happened, in spite of every single thing I have gone through and lived, in spite of one of the worst recessions we have ever seen and how many people all over the world are out of work, they liked my CV a lot, and I can't help but see that as a positive thing.
Like I said to my dad, I am sure they have AA meetings in Spain.
It is only an interview. No point in counting chickens and all that. However, can I not have my dream for 5 minutes before I am brought crashing back down to earth?
I know I am in my 30s, but I can't get this feeling out of my head that I need their "permission" to do stuff. Which I don't. I know they worry about me, is all. Maybe too much?
I am unsure of what my next step should be. Anyway, I just wanted to get my frustrations off my chest.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I have had pretty good fortune following my intuition. Often at the opposition of others.
Something moved you to apply, they liked your CV. Do the interview and trust in what unfolds and trust in your inner voice to guide you.
You cannot put your life on hold due to fear and uncertainty nor allow others to drive your boat for you.
Sobriety can be honored anywhere in the world.
Go for it. See what happens.
Something moved you to apply, they liked your CV. Do the interview and trust in what unfolds and trust in your inner voice to guide you.
You cannot put your life on hold due to fear and uncertainty nor allow others to drive your boat for you.
Sobriety can be honored anywhere in the world.
Go for it. See what happens.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,231
You did the footwork, got an interview,
then in my opinion, go for it. I think if,
you do get this job and you move on ur
own, cut the ties with your family, you will
grow into the person you are meant to be.
If for some reason you get to Spain and
just say, the job doesn't pan out, the question
is, will you call ur parents for help or will you
be strong to seek something else to help
support you?
Your parents may be waiting to see if
you fail, which is sad, but for you to
be strong, independent, get help over
there with a sponsor or who ever else
can help you, then you will prove to urself
that you are trustworthy, smart, reliable
and can stand on ur own 2 feet without
your parents.
Does that make sense?
I think that is awesome that this small
miracle has happened to you in getting
a positive response on ur job application.
Go for it is what Id say to you ...with a smile
then in my opinion, go for it. I think if,
you do get this job and you move on ur
own, cut the ties with your family, you will
grow into the person you are meant to be.
If for some reason you get to Spain and
just say, the job doesn't pan out, the question
is, will you call ur parents for help or will you
be strong to seek something else to help
support you?
Your parents may be waiting to see if
you fail, which is sad, but for you to
be strong, independent, get help over
there with a sponsor or who ever else
can help you, then you will prove to urself
that you are trustworthy, smart, reliable
and can stand on ur own 2 feet without
your parents.
Does that make sense?
I think that is awesome that this small
miracle has happened to you in getting
a positive response on ur job application.
Go for it is what Id say to you ...with a smile
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Great job on applying Tetra! Even better that you got a response.
You are 33, and an adult. NO matter what was dealt to you in the past, you can create your own future.
Use any negative energy as motivation to succeed; however you define that success is up to you!
Best of luck.
You are 33, and an adult. NO matter what was dealt to you in the past, you can create your own future.
Use any negative energy as motivation to succeed; however you define that success is up to you!
Best of luck.
Realising my life
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Dorset, England
Posts: 3,656
Congratulations, Tetra! I agree with the others - do the interview. I know your dad loves you and is worried about you, but this sounds more like a reluctance to let you go than fear of how you'd cope. Keep the door open and see where it leads . . ,
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
Tetra, I have suggested before, more than once, that you step away from your parents.
Why would you allow your father to rain on this prospective interview? The company likes 'your' CV, not your dad's. Go for it.
Why would you allow your father to rain on this prospective interview? The company likes 'your' CV, not your dad's. Go for it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic USA
Posts: 2,441
Tetra, IMO it's time for you to put "little girl Tetra" away for good, and let the adult Tetra dominate. From what you've written on SR, it seems your relationship with your parents is unhealthy and is keeping "little girl Tetra" alive and in charge.
You're 33, it's time to be an adult; do the interview and see what happens from there. Tell your father thank you and that you will take his advice under consideration. Who knows what this could lead to; it could be the start of a whole new beginning.
You're 33, it's time to be an adult; do the interview and see what happens from there. Tell your father thank you and that you will take his advice under consideration. Who knows what this could lead to; it could be the start of a whole new beginning.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic USA
Posts: 2,441
Originally Posted by Tetra 
I know they worry about me, is all. Maybe too much?
What does your therapist say about all this? Surely he/she sees this is one of your major underlying issues?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 350
When I received a job offer that would have me move away from my home-town, I didn't inform any of the members of my family-of-origin.
How people respond to my life is like them watching my basketball game. When I fall do they boo and swear and yell about what I could be doing right? When I make a basket do they say, "hey you could have done a 3-pointer". If their responses are consistently negative (ie, the heckler in the crowd of a game that heckles so much that people turn to him/her and say, "are you sure you want this team to win?"), what do you expect their response to be if you get the job? Do you expect them to say anything supportive? Ie, the equivalent of a person cheering their favorite player on (regardless if they've fallen and you want to inspire them to get back up again - or if they've succeeded and you celebrate to inspire them some more).
When you're not getting support from your parents and they continue to not provide support and it's something you're looking for - you might want to consider looking for it elsewhere. AA members - friends - other family - etc. You can't make family be supportive - they either are - or they aren't.
Personally, my mother has been so unsupportive that I simply stopped talking to her about important things in my life. Yeah, she didn't like it ('everything seems like it's off-limits with you" "I can't talk to you about anything"), but I want some support in my life, not naysaying or heckling. No thanks.
Good for you to have the opportunity for a skype interview. Celebrate that. Honor this moment. It's a good thing right now as it is. Whether you get the job or not, I think the interview is something to be proud of; If you're parents don't see it, then they're just being negative/heckling, etc. You do not have to see things as they do. They can go right ahead and be negative while you look at it in a positive way and look for support elsewhere.
Heck, for me, writing on this forum is a great place to get some support.
I hope that you see that here. You've got my support - congrats on the interview and that's awesome that you were sober for that long. Continue being sober - for many of us (including myself), sobriety is LIFE or Death. Sobriety is an awesome thing. Like lifting a mountain off of your back. Sobriety is a MAJOR accomplishment. Be proud of that effort. Celebrate that too.
Good luck on more sobriety and your interview!
How people respond to my life is like them watching my basketball game. When I fall do they boo and swear and yell about what I could be doing right? When I make a basket do they say, "hey you could have done a 3-pointer". If their responses are consistently negative (ie, the heckler in the crowd of a game that heckles so much that people turn to him/her and say, "are you sure you want this team to win?"), what do you expect their response to be if you get the job? Do you expect them to say anything supportive? Ie, the equivalent of a person cheering their favorite player on (regardless if they've fallen and you want to inspire them to get back up again - or if they've succeeded and you celebrate to inspire them some more).
When you're not getting support from your parents and they continue to not provide support and it's something you're looking for - you might want to consider looking for it elsewhere. AA members - friends - other family - etc. You can't make family be supportive - they either are - or they aren't.
Personally, my mother has been so unsupportive that I simply stopped talking to her about important things in my life. Yeah, she didn't like it ('everything seems like it's off-limits with you" "I can't talk to you about anything"), but I want some support in my life, not naysaying or heckling. No thanks.
Good for you to have the opportunity for a skype interview. Celebrate that. Honor this moment. It's a good thing right now as it is. Whether you get the job or not, I think the interview is something to be proud of; If you're parents don't see it, then they're just being negative/heckling, etc. You do not have to see things as they do. They can go right ahead and be negative while you look at it in a positive way and look for support elsewhere.
Heck, for me, writing on this forum is a great place to get some support.
I hope that you see that here. You've got my support - congrats on the interview and that's awesome that you were sober for that long. Continue being sober - for many of us (including myself), sobriety is LIFE or Death. Sobriety is an awesome thing. Like lifting a mountain off of your back. Sobriety is a MAJOR accomplishment. Be proud of that effort. Celebrate that too.
Good luck on more sobriety and your interview!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Congrats to you! What's the saying, nothing changes if nothing changes?!
I am guessing they are a bit codependent. I understand, been there, done that. The thing is, you are at a time in your life where you have to make decisions for YOU. The best way to prove someone wrong is through your own actions. You can do what you set your mind to.
Keep us updated, much luck coming your way! How exciting and an honor just to get an interview these days!
I am guessing they are a bit codependent. I understand, been there, done that. The thing is, you are at a time in your life where you have to make decisions for YOU. The best way to prove someone wrong is through your own actions. You can do what you set your mind to.
Keep us updated, much luck coming your way! How exciting and an honor just to get an interview these days!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Be a little wild and crazy Tetra, and go for it! You are an adult, you have every right to act as one.. its your life, and even though you might feel uncomfortable at doing what they 'don't approve of', that is what you are supposed to be doing! I agree with everyone.
You never know! and it will be good experience, and put some wind in your sails to break out a little
good luck.
You never know! and it will be good experience, and put some wind in your sails to break out a little
good luck.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Sotogrande, Spain
Posts: 30
Firstly, congratulations getting the interview and best of luck!
As mentioned earlier, Spain has a lot of English-speaking AA groups, I am arranging to go to one myself this week.
Moving abroad will help you become more independent too but it's easy to slip up without the right support (well, I know I did when I first moved out here 4 years ago).
Let us know how it goes, and you will always have support in Spain. I'm in a similar position to you... and in Spain
Sending you positive thoughts - fingers crossed!
As mentioned earlier, Spain has a lot of English-speaking AA groups, I am arranging to go to one myself this week.
Moving abroad will help you become more independent too but it's easy to slip up without the right support (well, I know I did when I first moved out here 4 years ago).
Let us know how it goes, and you will always have support in Spain. I'm in a similar position to you... and in Spain
Sending you positive thoughts - fingers crossed!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
You have made far more progress than your parents give you credit for.
You don't need a babysitter, their comments about someone "goingwith you" are insulting to your intelligence.
please take the interview and allow yourself to think how wonderful it would be to have a new job and a new life without mommy and daddy breathing down your neck every hour.
Good Luck!!! I am rooting for you!
You don't need a babysitter, their comments about someone "goingwith you" are insulting to your intelligence.
please take the interview and allow yourself to think how wonderful it would be to have a new job and a new life without mommy and daddy breathing down your neck every hour.
Good Luck!!! I am rooting for you!
Still I rise.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oh Canada!
Posts: 1,121
A "minder"?!?!
Calmly tell them to mind their own business and carry forth confidence that you can do this. Whatever happens with this interview, your goal should be to move out and away from them.
I wouldn't tell them anything about possible future plans -- they tear you down; their emotional stranglehold on you is damaging and keeping you in a dependent state.
Calmly tell them to mind their own business and carry forth confidence that you can do this. Whatever happens with this interview, your goal should be to move out and away from them.
I wouldn't tell them anything about possible future plans -- they tear you down; their emotional stranglehold on you is damaging and keeping you in a dependent state.
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