ShenzyT

Hi everyone,
Here I am again - day 1 - again ..... how many more times am I going to do this ? I'm so p***ed off at myself .... I'm so fed up with what I'm doing ... I'm so angry that I continued to drink.....WTF is wrong with me - why can I not do this ??

Have spent the whole weekend beating myself up because I've been having a bottle of wine every night ......

A few pennies dropped this weekend though ....... the folks that I'm around also have a bit of a problem, as much as they say they don't !!! and can "take it or leave it" !!!! I've noticed that they can't ......
My DH - who always says it doesn't bother him ... and he likes just 1 or 2 glasses of wine before bed !!!!! Watched him last night ..... drank a bottle on his own ... and has done every night for years - along with me ......

Then it came to me last night (couldn't sleep - feel like rubbish this morning - but was so p***ed off last night that I never finished my wine and I threw it down the sink) .... I am afraid of the change, I'm afraid of not having the bottle of wine in the evening !!! What are hubby and I going to do if we're not sitting here having our bottle of wine in the evening ????? ......what if DH doesn't want to be with me ???? What if I don't want to be with DH. What if I don't like myself when I've been sober for a while ??? (thought I don't think I can hate myself anymore than I do already) ..... what if I lose 2 or 3 stone when I quit drinking ??? What excuse will I use then ???? I've hid behind my 3 stone fat layer for years....
What if folks don't see me as the "happy boozy friend" ??? How will I catch up with my friends if it's not over a bottle or 2 of wine ???

I think my problem is, the fear of what will come with sobriety !!!!!!

So here we are - day 1 again !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for listening
xxxxxxx

CharlesG

hey!
had to reposition the laptop to reply, this is too real!
I fumbled back to day one plenty of times because of my relationship! It feels like yea, what if she doesnt want me because im sober and how I am? What if I really dont want her and have to be sober to see that? This is all real, the night I met her I was heavily intoxicated and have always been! Its scary to see who you are for real and how people will respond! You must try this especially with him being the hubby you have to see what is real and what is not, delve deep inside!! dont be scared this is you FOR REAL!! Much luck and success and realizations!!! Embrace it!!! Love

petals

You can do this, there is loads of help and support on here.xx

PurpleKnight

You need to take a leap of faith, we all did, worrying about how it's going to work could go on forever, at some point we have to get off the drinking merry-go-round and see what happens!!

You can do this!!

Adenough

Hi there from a fellow Scot. I'm now on day 19 and was also very much like yourself. I was terrified what it would be like not drinking every night but it's so much better. I wake up feeling refreshed I can remember what I watched on TV last night but most of all I'm spending time( quality time) with my family. Don't get me wrong sometimes it's not easy and I have to fight the urge not to drink. But I've been doing so much more. I even went a run at 9 am on a Sunday morning which I can say I never ever did in the past. Also I've noticed my mood has lifted and maybe it was the beer that was making me depressed. I can sit at night now and watch a film without feeling jumpy and anxious. When you feel like a drink tonight just visualise how rotten you will feel tomorrow. Like I said it's anything but easy but worth it I think. I hope I can keep this going. I've been drinking for 20+ years so if I can do it I'm sure you certainly can. Good luck!!

tizzkins

I too am like you always going back to day 1 but one of these days i will and have done in the past got to week 7 before relapse which may not seem like much but for me its a conquest. At the moment though i am not good but one thing i do remember is that once at week 7 i was feeling so much better in myself. I just have to be stronger. Good luck and keep in touch.

IOAA2

Hi.
"What if folks don't see me as the "happy boozy friend" ??? How will I catch up with my friends if it's not over a bottle or 2 of wine ???
I think my problem is, the fear of what will come with sobriety !!!!!!"

I just about guarantee that if you get sober for a decent amount of time you will not want them as “friends.” With sobriety we don’t hang around bars or Pubs or the bottled goods sales places. We try to emulate sober people.
You will find, if you stop drinking long enough, that our feelings including the big one, fear is the reason most of us drank, to escape. So after we do get sober it’s necessary we make some changes within ourselves for recovery sake and if allowed that can be scary. However it’s far better than the misery we go through drinking.

BE WELL

Sarah1975

I've gained a lot from reading your post. I've had all these thoughts over the years (and didn't even try to give up) I'm on day 2, again. I've been at the local lake till now - this is my danger time of day, normally if I haven't had one by now, this is when I'd start... I'm coming to the realisation that im not 'simply' (simply? lol) giving up drink, im giving up my identity, my lifestyle, my hobby, my crutch, my evening companion, my sleep aid, blah blah blah.

its hard to think that some don't have to consider drink in the way I do, that they don't have to have an entire master plan (that usually fails) if I'm to ever drink less than an entire bottle - or more - in one sitting...

I won't miss feeling awful, I won't miss hiding bottles, pouring drink into inconspicuous sports bottles and constantly pretending I haven't got a hangover or that the times I've injured myself were elaborate freak accidents & trying not to breath on people etc...

sorry, I don't mean to make it about me, im just glad I'm not alone.
Thank you!

Charlie117926

Shenzy:

I complete understand where you are at. You are not alone. I have started my day one more times than I can count on my hands and feet since January 2014. I am only on day four and had lots of fears of "what if."

This past weekend was my 1st sober weekend in 14 years. I was terrified. Nothing felt "normal." But then again, what was my "normal?" A Friday night meant drinking till staggering, then Saturday meant the same starting at around noon. But you know, I made it through Friday by staying busy with other things and SR. I made a solid plan Friday night for a sober Saturday.

More importantly I made the decision that I wanted to stay sober more than I wanted to be drunk. Was it tough? Yes. But what I finally found out was that everything was the same except I was sober. My wife does not drink at all so I did not have to deal with that issue. But on the flipside, I also didn't have to sneak around and hide my drinking this weekend either.

I have poured so much booze down the drain but that was only temporary because I didn't have a plan that worked for me. I was going about it all wrong. I will tell you that reading SR, posting and reading more was clearly the catalyst that helped me stay sober this weekend. Make a "plan" that works for you and stick by it 10 minutes at a time. This only my advice but there is plenty of resources on SR to assist in your journey.

I am early in the path of sobriety but I am also determined which I am sure you are too. I hope this helps. take care.

zanabanana

I'm right there with you! All of you. Many times over our day one becomes a broken record. Good luck in your strength, you know you can do it. And you're never alone.

ccam1973

Shenzy, as you can tell by the responses, you are not alone and these uncertainties are familiar to many; me included.

For years, drinking was one of the things my wife and I had in common; one of the big things we had in common. She still drinks, and I don't.

As simple as that. It has taken an adjustment on both of our parts. One which I didn't give her a choice in since I am the one that decided to quit. I had to quit for me to survive. I can only control me, my actions, and my well-being...

I will tell you that life still goes on, fewer fights and arguments, she still wakes up in a fog and I don't. We still love each other. I thought I would not be as much fun, not true. If anything, I am more light hearted since I'm not constantly obsessed with "my next drink". I've also lost about 30 pounds; not sure how that translates to stones, sorry; and feel better about myself in general.

You can do this, but you have to make the choice for you and no one else. Your husband will benefit from your efforts, but you can only control you.

Not saying it is easy, because it is not. Quitting while your spouse continues to live as you both had for years is difficult at best.

Difficult, but achievable!

You will feel better about yourself and life.

You can do this. Make the decision and just don't drink.

Best of luck, you have a ton of support here!

ShenzyT

Thanks everyone for your replies.
It's amazing how many of us have these thoughts......
On a positive note.....we're on day 3 here....so far so good. All goes well until that point in the evening when we'd normally be sitting down for our first glass of wine .....
The feelings were so strong last night that I never came out of the kitchen (for fear of getting in the car & driving to the shop) ..... and hubby sat upstairs with the kids ....
On the plus side - hubby is also giving up and is on day 3.....and so far so good - we're doing whatever it takes.
xxx

Dee74

Congrats on day 3 Shenzy

D

Foolsgold186

We'll done on getting back. I tried and failed, tried and failed now I'm trying, trying and trying some more.

3 days is brilliant.

L x

Jackandbess2

Well done to you and your hubby I found that when "wine o'clock" time came that changing my habits worked for me. I would go for a walk or take the children somewhere or go shopping. The one that worked best for me in the initial stages was learning tapestry on YouTube. I went to my nearest craft shop brought all the bits that I needed and spent all my "wine o'clock" time sewing. I was so rubbish at it that it took all my attention of the wine just trying to learn how to do it! Keep going, we are all in this mess together and we will all find our way out of it together