TonyF

I don't really subscribe to AA beliefs or approve of much of their literature. But I have achieved lasting sobriety more or less now. And soon I am moving to a new city, in a new country.

My goal is to build a healthy routine asap and also some kind of social life.

I don't want to be bored or alone and I'd rather hang out with sober people than go to a bar and play with fire ordering Pepsi.

AA meetings are a great place to meet sober people.

But I really don't want to be sold the AA way. I will hold back my criticism and can make small talk about the program, but is it a good way to just meet sober people who won't try to sort of recruit you and try to get you to progress with the program?

I want to stay sober (or not) my way, and just go to AA to meet other sober people.

The idea is to make friends to hang out with for sober activities, without addiction/sobriety/recovery being the central topic of discussion.

Good or bad idea?

Tamerua

Why not? My closest friend I met in AA and We almost never talk about recovery when we go out or have dinner. Not that we avoid it on purpose, we have just discovered we are like minded and have similar interests, that is what we talk about.

freshstart57

If you find a group of folks who share a hobby you enjoy, you might have something in common with them besides sobriety. I would think that having only sobriety in common could get old fast.

LadyinBC

I go AA meetings about once a week when I can. I personally go just to be around others and to listen. I don't really work on the steps. I don't think you have to do so in order to go.

Eddiebuckle

I think it's fine to use AA as a way to meet sober people, fellowship is a key part of the program. If you are honest about where you are coming from, you will find some people in AA who don't feel the need to evangelize.

However - if your way does lead to drinking, do not expect AA people to simply accept your choice without withdrawing at least partially. Hanging around drinkers is dangerous for anybody who is an alcoholic. Secondly - AA people are about sobriety and recovery. The earlier in sobriety they are, the more likely they are going to be talking about recovery. It goes with the territory. If you can accept them where they are coming from, you will find others who will respond in kind. You may have to meet 10 people to find one or two who are OK with this, but it beats hanging around bars playing Russian roulette.

PurpleKnight

Go for it!! No harm in picking the stuff you want from AA and leaving the rest!!

The aim of the game is to remain Sober!!

Db1105

The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.

Mountainmanbob

sure seems to work just fine for many

MM

TonyF

I can't tell whether you are being serious or sarcastic, but if it is the latter, it is just this type of self confidence eroding derision that I am wary of about going to meetings (as a non 12 stepper).

Mountainmanbob

I'm sorry that I was not clear
I know a lot of people (friends) in AA
Who don't seriously work the Program
Yet remain sober

I have attended meetings for many years
Secretary a Friday morning meeting
But do not buy into the whole Program

AA is a very open place
And I have found it to be friendly to all

Mountainman

Altoids

Hi Tony
I'm a non-12 stepper and I go to AA for the company. It is a great way to meet people. And it is a great way to have accountability.

At meetings I listen and participate as much as I want. When something comes up I don't agree with, I just keep quiet.

Only requirement is a desire to stop drinking. The program is open. Take as much as you want/need and leave the rest.

Best wishes on your move.

Mountainmanbob

the above is the truth simply stated

no (one) has a greater right to attend any AA meeting more than another

all are welcome -- please -- attend == and -- feel right at home

MM

TonyF

Another thing which I am a bit apprehensive about is that the place that I am moving to has a reputation as a party town. So if I do decide to have a beer sometime (god forbid! relapse! big deal in AA) I would hate to be spotted by someone from the meetings and become the object of their step #12, and even worse, be branded as an alcoholic in the community (not everyone respects the "anonymity" part seriously enough).

I know that the situation that I just described may be interpreted as ambivalence on my part, and it probably is, but I like to be accountable to myself and no one else.

sillysuzanfree

It is friendly to all, but if you begin socializing with some of the folks, at some point be prepared to get asked questions like, "Do you have a sponsor?" What meetings does your sponsor go to?" What step are you on?" What's your sobriety date?" Do you have any sponsees?" I am only speaking from experience. I attend meetings but am not formally working the steps. I get asked all these questions from time to time. Most folks are well meaning but it can be uncomfortable.

desypete

aa is open to anyone who has a desire to stop drinking, thats all you need : )

you will meet people who are trying to stay sober just like you,
take what you like about aa and leave the rest, people come in all walks of life and do things as they like if it keeps them sober then thats the main thing

good luck to you

LBrain

If you do decide to go have a beer...
???????????????

The AA folks (the sober people you want to hang out with) will not approve - your reference to 12 step. AA is a program of abstinence. There is no part time sobriety, or choosing to have a beer now and again. It's an honest program. Keep that in mind.

TonyF

I am not going to advertise the fact (if ever it happens) or rub my decision into their faces. All I hope is that they extend the same courtesy to me.

TonyF

But now I realize that I may be better off with some other way to find friends to share sober activities with. Which is what I really want. I don't want to think about my sobriety all day long or or talk about it, that is counterproductive for my method.

So thanks for all the input.

Fly N Buy

Hmmmm, now you lost me.

AA is indeed open, but honesty - not just in AA but for sobriety in general is critical for most. If you are honest with the group, you find crickets chirping.

You my friend are trying to moderate. So, either your in denial or you can indeed moderate in which case you aren't passed that threshold.

Moderation is a hot button for alcoholics - as you probably are aware. Sounds like your personal program works for you .....I guess, but you might want to look into a social club such as runners, yoga, bicycling etc that typically attracts many sober people.

Good Luck and welcome!

MemphisBlues

If you go to AA simply to be around others in recovery and plan on not vigorously pursuing an active 12-step program, you will find you fit right in.

From my experience in AA, the majority of people there will be just like you.

If you are hesitant to go to AA because you are moving to a party town and don't want to run into some AA friends if you opt to have a beer now and then, that's a different story.

I lived in New Orleans for 20 years and found a vibrant recovery community there thriving in the biggest party town in the states.