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Failed on day 3 - maybe I can't do this?

Old 08-17-2014, 02:06 AM
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Failed on day 3 - maybe I can't do this?

I've always had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, I could never just have one or two, never keep any in the refrigerator & to me that wasn't a problem - it was normal. Some months id drink less, some more, stress, health, free time, season, boredom, insomnia & depression all impacting in different ways... I've always functioned okay though, didn't touch a drop through pregnancy etc. I didn't see it as the problem the my mother would occasionally imply it was.

After recognising that this most recent phase has lasted a few years instead of a few months, and beginning to wonder how this may effect me long-term I woke up on the 14th and decided to make that day, day one. (Having never had a day 1 before.)

I don't drink loads, 1-2 bottles of wine a day with only occasional bigger binges every couple of months. I even had occasional no alcohol days, as none of this was planned or intentional - if you know what I mean? Though I've had no no alcohol days since easter.

Anyway, the 14th became a kinda accidental day 1, id got to maybe 5pm before thinking of going to the shop and I made myself not go (that was bloody hard), the 15th, day 2 was easier and harder, I kept busy all day and i didn't feel great, but again, I made it. The 16th, day 3 however, was different, I now knew this was gonna be hard, I turned down an offer of a free evening at the pub, and too ashamed to goto my doctor I started looking for online help.

Good intentions aside, today is my second day 1.
I need support.
This is hard!
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Old 08-17-2014, 02:12 AM
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Hi and welcome Sarah

believe me I probably have more day 3 crash and burns than days you've been alive...lots of other people here have too

It doesn;t mean you're incapable of getting sober - just means maybe you need to look at a few other approacjes apart from willpower alone...

finding support is a great step forward and you'll find a ton of that here.

Glad to have you with us

D
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Old 08-17-2014, 02:26 AM
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Welcome, Sarah1975! It's good to have you at SR. Becoming "a drunk" is often a process, and getting sober is a process, too. Looking back I realize that I was pretty much hooked the first time I got drunk. Despite that my relationship with alcohol wasn't all that different from my peers when I was younger. But little by little my drinking escalated; early on I was more of a binge drinker but the binges got longer and longer. Through it all I convinced myself I didn't have a problem because I didn't do the thing I thought "real alcoholics" did. For instance, to me someone that drank early in the day or needed a drink before they could function was an alkie. Plus, you couldn't be an alcoholic if you just drank beer! That was really my thought process at the time!

Of course, as I got older I started ticking off those things one by one. Hard liquor? Check. Drinking alone? Check. A quick drink in the morning just to help with the hangover? Check.

I don't mean to sidetrack this by talking about myself. I'm trying to show you that a problem that takes a long time to recognize might take a while to fix. I harbored a vague understanding that I didn't drink like my friends for a long time. I even vaguely understood that I would probably have to quit "someday". Someday wound up being a long ways out.

Once I really made a decision to quit it was easier than I expected. Don't misunderstand- I thought I had really decided before but I was fooling myself. In the past I'd "take a break" from drinking or decide to lay off "for awhile" but deep down I knew I wasn't quitting.

You need to formulate a plan. The first part is coming to an understanding deep down in the core of your being that you are going to quit drinking, forever. Once you do that the rest can be sorted out.

SR is a great resource! I think you'll like it here.
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Old 08-17-2014, 02:28 AM
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Sarah-

I am on day two. I've never had a second day one but I also only just realized the extent of my problems. Id say the fact that you've already started this process once says to me that you are trying to take control and that is something to be proud of!
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Old 08-17-2014, 03:20 AM
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Don't beat yourself up over it, try to learn what your state of mind was when you decided to pickup.

As for quitting for good, like Dee said many of us including me tried many times. Stopping for good sadly often requires hitting our own rock bottom. I had to realize that I was dying to quit for good.

But it also takes more than will power after detox. It takes some kind of support system adapted to our needs. Some only use SR, and people like me need some extra support in AA, AVRT, etc.

Hope your day 1 goes well and many more sober days!
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Old 08-17-2014, 03:54 AM
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The quick one right now to help with my hangover is what I'm actively avoiding right now. I want to go for a walk, fresh air, but im too scared to go past a shop or pub incase I walk in.

I went into this giving up thing blind, its harder than I thought - possibly because I have more of a problem with alcohol than I thought...

I'm now looking online for more information: How long can I expect to feel physically out of sorts, a short term goal to get past, instead of the scary forever. Local meetings that don't include a god. Distraction. Hobby. I don't want to goto my doctor.
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Old 08-17-2014, 03:57 AM
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Agree with all the above. Whatever you do, don't give up xxx
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Old 08-17-2014, 04:11 AM
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Hi Sarah. The "quick one" is something to avoid because it will just take you backwards.

Breathe. Have a glass of water, go for that walk and have another glass of water. Something good to eat, not fatty, would also be a help to you. Just look at now. You can do this.
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Old 08-17-2014, 04:29 AM
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Hello and welcome. You’re in a good place to gather information about getting sober. It is work to accomplish it but the payoff is great. Each person has a different painful period to endure. Usually the strong desires last but a few minutes and passes.
Drinking a lot of water in what was your normal drinking hours helps along with eating/drinking sweet items to replace the sugar the drinking supplied.
I was for too long undisciplined and wanted to do things my way which didn’t work for several years. I don’t suffer well so finally surrendered to the fact that I could not drink in safety and needed to accept help from people who had traveled my painful path. It resulted in work and doing things I didn’t want to do but years later I’m very glad I did. It’s good to be comfortable in my own skin most of the time.

BE WELL
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Old 08-17-2014, 05:01 AM
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Failed on day 3 - maybe I can't do this?

The common denominator with all who succeed in sobriety is believing they can.
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Old 08-17-2014, 05:36 AM
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welcome to the forum

While researching check out the term AVRT, the material related to that really helped me change my perspective on alcohol addiction , and how adopting a mental stance based a longer term (like really long term) can actually be more helpful.

The walk is a great idea, wish you well and hope to see you around
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Old 08-17-2014, 05:42 AM
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so very grateful

Originally Posted by Sarah1975 View Post

Good intentions aside, today is my second day 1.
you remind me of me
I had a few of those
don't give up on trying yet again and again
some of us are slow learners
but, once we get it we are so very grateful
M-Bob
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Old 08-17-2014, 05:58 AM
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Two bottles of wine to yourself in a day is actually a lot. I always knew if I got into that third bottle, it was going to be a rough morning the next day, but two bottles of wine was still an extended foray into the land of drunken times for me (and I was 250+ lbs) -- although this was across a 5-6 hour period, maybe you are typically starting earlier (although that is itself a sign of troubles brewing).

Listen, one of the most important things I picked up from coming to SR forums is that people can and do get out of the vicious cycle of alcohol abuse. There are tons of success stories on these boards (try the "My Story" forum sometime). There are also a lot of not-yet success stories, or in-progress-trying-to-get-sober stories. A lot of those resolve to sobriety, but not all.

If you look around here for awhile you start to see what people have done that has made them successful -- planning ahead, avoiding risky situations, finding support, lifestyle changes, changes in daily activity/behavior pattersn, shifts in outlook/mindset -- lots of ideas.

Are you planning ahead? Are you avoiding risky situations? Do you have support? (well, you are here, that counts as support! )

There's a saying that "a goal without a plan is just a wish." And mere wishes rarely come true outside of fairy tales. It is best to have a plan.
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Old 08-17-2014, 06:42 AM
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Go at things again Sarah, though are you doing this on sheer will power? as if that's not working then you maybe need more support built into your plan, never give up trying!!

Welcome to the Forum!!
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Old 08-17-2014, 06:54 AM
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Originally Posted by Sarah1975 View Post
The quick one right now to help with my hangover is what I'm actively avoiding right now. I want to go for a walk, fresh air, but im too scared to go past a shop or pub incase I walk in.

I went into this giving up thing blind, its harder than I thought - possibly because I have more of a problem with alcohol than I thought...

I'm now looking online for more information: How long can I expect to feel physically out of sorts, a short term goal to get past, instead of the scary forever. Local meetings that don't include a god. Distraction. Hobby. I don't want to goto my doctor.
Day one and two ~ you are gonna feel crappy. By day 3 things will start to feel better and you will be able to sleep better. Whenever the urge to drink hits you, instead of feeding yourself poison, eat/drink something super healthy. I make my own juices and feeding my body what it needs helps me tremendously.

It helps to just stay on SR and post/read. It will keep you focused on what you really want ~ and that is to be sober.

YOU CAN DO THIS!!!
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Old 08-17-2014, 07:11 AM
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I'm doing this on will power and only told one friend who I feel won't judge me. However, i now realise I can't do this alone. I've found a local support group - im gonna attend in the week. Scary! What will happen there?
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Old 08-17-2014, 07:25 AM
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You can do this Sarah. This site has a lot of good information and I recommend reading through the various boards. I'm glad you are coming up with a plan!
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Old 08-17-2014, 07:36 AM
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You CAN do it. Support and community is essential.

Welcome!
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Old 08-17-2014, 07:54 AM
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Attending a support group meeting is an excellent plan. You will find support and a program that can lead to long term recovery.
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Old 08-17-2014, 09:18 AM
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Originally Posted by Sarah1975 View Post
I've found a local support group - im gonna attend in the week. Scary! What will happen there?
GREAT!!! It really depends on the group. In AA you don't really HAVE to do anything but listen, or you can share. You may be asked to tell about yourself, but you can just say "I'm Sarah and I'm glad to be here." Go a little early and plan to stay a few minutes after so you can connect with folks a bit. The people there are just like you and won't judge you. They know. They understand. . . .. kinda like us here except you get face to face time. Good idea!!!
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