Cheli

After 23 days of being sober. I had a couple of bottles of wine last night. I'm paying the price today. I feel so defeated. I did contemplate that first glass and once that glass went down the rest of the bottles went down just as smoothly. I only had one bottle but my husband and I walked down to the liquor store that is down the street and got that second bottle. I had one glass left and it was sitting there this morning but did NOT drink it. I dumped it out.

I don't remember going to bed. I can't remember if I was being mean to my husband or not. All I know is that I woke up feeling guilty and mad at myself for drinking. I was actually really cranking towards my husband this morning. It wasn't his fault he didn't force me to drink but he also didn't discourage me.

I probably drank because it was my first week back at work from being on vacation for a few weeks. I felt like I deserved it or something like that.

Well I'm back to day 1. Not too happy about this. I know I don't have any control over alcohol. Who am I kidding.

Thanks for listening.

foryoumyson

Don't beat yourself up about it. Every time we screw up its a lesson learned . I screwed up all month tons of day 1s. Today's another day one and its going to be my last one hopefully it will be yours too. Saddle up and get back on that wagon

Gothess

Sometimes we have to remind ourselves why we shouldnt do certain things.i went five months with only a drink here and a dribk there. This past weekend, i got myself crazy drunk and dont remember half the night. My husband took care of me but i was still that mean crazy selfharming drunk. After that episode, i made the decision to not drink at all as i would only be risking it happening again.

Dont give up. We all make mistakes. All you can do is learn from it and do your best not to let it happen again. Good luck!!

LastMistake

I know I can be my own biggest critic, and feeling like I have let myself down and my loved ones only makes me want to drink more. For self-punishment perhaps, or just as a means to forget for a little while.

Just remember you haven't truly failed until you've stopped trying. Good luck and stay strong

SoberComposer

I agree with that completely.

Cheli

Thank you everyone for your support!

PurpleKnight

It's in the past, go at things again, tweak your plan and you'll get there!!

soberclover

I had to have a string of drinking events where I felt horrible before I finally accepted the fact that I cannot control my drinking. I did desire for a better life, but I wasn't sure what that would look like. It was more the fact that I finally accepted that I couldn't control my drinking that led me to stop.

Angel1555

Hi Cheli, I hope you are feeling better this morning. After being on SR for the last month or so and reading a lot of posts, it seems that the first month or two is the time so many people relapse. The habit of not drinking isn't solidly established and we are so used to thinking about drinking all the time. But you came right back and are recommitting. That is huge! Congratulations on the 23 days and be proud of that.