Robin66

My father has dementia and I take care of him. He has always been a very very negative person and has always been very critical of me and my brother since we were little. Dementia is known to make these personality traits exaggerated, and it is in his case.

I am extremely depressed and don't want to drink. I think about running away and not looking back, although I would never do that. I am so sad and angry and frustrated. I am crying and don't know what to do anymore.

I relapsed in June but have been doing good since. I don't want this negative and mean-spirited person to cause me to backslide.

Sorry to rant but I needed to get this out. I called the Alzheimers support line and talked to a nurse a little while ago. It made me more upset. Thanks everybody for listening. I needed to vent a little.
Robin

Dee74

Vent away Robin. I can only imagine how hard it must be.
Know you'll always find support here

D

Lenina

robin, was the Alzheimer's support able to give you links or contacts to respite care? that can get you some relief so you can get out to meetings, have some time to yourself. Please ask about it. You might be able to find out what's available in your area by calling your local hospital social services. or call your dad's doctors office and talk to the nurse.

You're not alone. I know we can find some help and support for you! ,Good job on coming here to vent!

Love from Lenina

Croissant

Sorry to hear this Robyn.

Yes, agree with Lenina - I'm hoping there are some links to respite support you can access in your area? Do they have an aged care facility you could ring for advice. Even your own doctor should be able to help?

Wastinglife

As a child, I watched my grandmother slowly decline from dementia. She moved in with us and we had a nurse come in each day. It took quite a toll on my mother however and she began to drink quite a bit. I was around 10 yrs old and I noticed my mom being drunk more and more during that period.

I think what you are going through is something many families have to face. Alcohol is not the best way to cope however. My mother continued to drink after my grandma died so it went from a coping mechanism to habit.

Robin66

Thanks for all the support and nice replies. Yes, I've done most of what you guys suggested. His doctor is terrible. We live in a very rural area with not many options. I took him to a neurologist in the city a couple months ago. We're going back in a couple months as a follow up.

As far as respite care, he's only in the beginning stages and not bad enough to go to something like that. Plus, he'd flat out refuse, anyway. Even though he's in the beginning states, it's enough to be hard to take because of the extreme negativity and mind games he plays with me. He's always been passive aggressive and manipulating. He's always been mean spirited, jealous, racist, ignorant, negative, critical and lots more terrible things.

I go to a Alzheimer caregiver support group and it's good but it's only once a month. My family is scattered all over the country. I'm here alone with him. Today I was in a good mood, but he ruined that, of course, like he has many other times. I'm diagnosed with major depression and do not need this.

Sorry this is so long. Thanks for all the advice. I'm doing all the things you mentioned to the best of my ability. I talk to the local Alzheimer's Organization Program Director and she's wonderful and a good listener. I'll call her tomorrow.

Thanks again everybody. Wish me luck with this bizzaro problem. Thank goodness I have a nice Mom, but she's many states away !
Later, Robin P.S. I'm determined not to drink because of this. It only makes me more depressed and angry.

Robin66

Croissant, your advice about talking to my own doctor is a very good idea. I should do that. I think I might call her Monday, she's very good and empathetic.
Thanks to you and to everybody else who gave me wonderful advice.
Going to bed now. Maybe tomorrow will be better.
Robin

LastMistake

I know that our situations aren't identical by any means but I feel as I can relate. My younger sister is 23 and has been a bulimic for almost 7 years. It was definitely something that caused me to drink. It can be very very hard to keep yourself distanced enough emotionally. I know I have felt guilty, angry, so depressed, all because she is my amazing sister and she can't seem to see the same person that I do. I know going forward it will be something that is tough but I also know that drinking is not going to help me or her.

Stay strong.

Marcher13

Robin I care for my 87 year old mother to a certain extent, she is well and on the ball mentally but, even with that, she has some behaviours associated with increased age (of course) which can be a little frustrating. How you cope, especially when working with your own depression, is amazing.

Please do make sure you are looking after your own health and well being. Another thing to think about is setting some boundaries with your Dad. His negative talk is not something you should have to listen to, you have every right to ask him to stop saying what he is and you are entitled to remove yourself from the room. If he is in the early stages of dementia he can still respond to moderate reasoning. You may be his child but you are also an adult with all the rights that brings.

KateL

You are doing a grand job. I hope you can get some respite help. xx

PurpleKnight

SR is in your corner Robin!!

Robin66

Thanks everybody. You all were so supportive and helpful. SR is such a big help to me in so many ways.

I'll remember what you all said and heed a lot of the awesome advice. I'll let this thread die out now, so as not to be annoying !

Thanks ! Robin