My Fiance is alcoholic he broke up with me twice
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Join Date: Aug 2014
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My Fiance is alcoholic he broke up with me twice
i was engaged 10 years ago to one of my far cousins i was 24 and he was 28. we were extremely in love and we were together for 5 years ,he lives in other city but same country he is open minded he love partying he has girlfriend he was alcoholic but he never told me that he only said that he is a social drinker.
i never knew the first year, we were talking in phone and meeting frequently.
after the first year i started to know that he is alcoholic .. and he have a problem with his family.
when we started our relationship he told me about all his past and relations with girls and his family issues i accepted it and he promised me he will never be a player again..
he wants to be committed he wants family life and kids
and he never felt this way with a girl like me.
we talked daily and never have problems only when he drinks i don't accept it we always have big fight because of heavy drinker..
he always promise me to change and he doesn't like his life and I'm the one who gonna lift him up ..
and he went to a therapist several times he quit and get back again and again..i tried my best to change him but i always fight with him and get mad.. i trusted him a lot and never felt that I'm betrayed we call each other hours and hours we stay in touch the whole day only when he is drunk and sleep for a long day ,,
once i figured out that he knows a girl they drink together and please him self with her .
i did a big fight and left him
he ran back to me and denied that he knows other girl and said that he can't live without me
he will do everything to make me trust him again
he will die if i leave !
i blinded my mind and heart and i knew the truth but i ignore and get him back
coz i loved him so much..
i stayed with him 5 years and he put a ring on me !
his lifestyle is different than mine
he loves patting with girls and couples and never regret if he always lie that he knows girls.
he was extremely crazy about partying
and the last year i get very cold and calm
and let him do whatever he wants and not asking..
he has a very good attitude he respect me and my family and he speaks very confidently but he knows how to turn tables and convinces me.
he lies and i know but ignore and don't tell him
he lies if he party and drink a lot he tell me i slept for two days cause I'm sick and i ignore..but he has a very white heart .
i know him very well without talking i can figure what he do and what he wants and if lies i know.. and he knows that i know him that well .. he know me too.
and suddenly we talked by phone he told me he's going to bar with friend and he some of them couples i told him to have fun and after hours he txt me
(im not god enough for you .. you deserve better than me .. good bye)
i was surprised i called and txt back no respond for a month!
after a month he call to say its over and he can't marry me coz he is not ready and he doesn't have money
he can't build him self before 5 more years
and i deserve the best
hes not good enough for me
btw he don't work he waits for money from his father !
so i give up and tried to let go but still loved him coz i knew there is something wrong
and he is ashamed of my family !
i stayed away 5 years and txt him many time with no reply
this year the 5th year he reply with a cold heart and toughness
he said we are different!
and you deserve a better person..
i beg him lets do this last chance I'm a different person now I'm more calm and wiser..
he said ok..and called 5 months ago
he told me that he started to do business and he stand up on his feet again and he fixed all his family problems..but i don't know if its true!
first we were like strangers and he was so careful with me
this last month he begin to show me he is feelings and he never loved anybody only me..
but when he drinks he tell me that he wants me his wife and the name of our kids and our future..
when he is sober he never told me what he plans for our future.. i asked him once do you want me to be your wife
he get mad and told me why am i calling you all these days of course i want you.. and i missed him a lot i told him i want to see you
he ignore and said he's not ready now..
then after days he came to see me..
he was so confused he never hold me or kissed me nothing
he only talks and talks about him and what he did and where he go ..
suddenly
he looked at me and said you become more beautiful and i get near him and he hold me and kissed me but i still felt that he is not ok
but we kissed and made love and he told me i want u to be mine
and then we talked but i was surprised he never look at my eyes.
the second day he left the city.
after a week when we were talking by phone he told me he will travel
i told him please don't stay long ill miss u and don't leave me !
he get mad and tell me look u know something this the time to say good bye I'm not good enough for you i can't get back with you like before i tried but i can't .. you deserve better than me..
its me not you
you r trying to be someone else not you
we can't make it !
i get mad at first and cried beg him
he was rejecting me and pushed me away
i let him go .
i need to know is he stable ? what does he thinks?
why he did it twice ?
is it true love or illusion?
why he promises me and made love to me and he was thinking to leave?
I'm just wondering why?
and truly now i feel nothing about him
i never knew the first year, we were talking in phone and meeting frequently.
after the first year i started to know that he is alcoholic .. and he have a problem with his family.
when we started our relationship he told me about all his past and relations with girls and his family issues i accepted it and he promised me he will never be a player again..
he wants to be committed he wants family life and kids
and he never felt this way with a girl like me.
we talked daily and never have problems only when he drinks i don't accept it we always have big fight because of heavy drinker..
he always promise me to change and he doesn't like his life and I'm the one who gonna lift him up ..
and he went to a therapist several times he quit and get back again and again..i tried my best to change him but i always fight with him and get mad.. i trusted him a lot and never felt that I'm betrayed we call each other hours and hours we stay in touch the whole day only when he is drunk and sleep for a long day ,,
once i figured out that he knows a girl they drink together and please him self with her .
i did a big fight and left him
he ran back to me and denied that he knows other girl and said that he can't live without me
he will do everything to make me trust him again
he will die if i leave !
i blinded my mind and heart and i knew the truth but i ignore and get him back
coz i loved him so much..
i stayed with him 5 years and he put a ring on me !
his lifestyle is different than mine
he loves patting with girls and couples and never regret if he always lie that he knows girls.
he was extremely crazy about partying
and the last year i get very cold and calm
and let him do whatever he wants and not asking..
he has a very good attitude he respect me and my family and he speaks very confidently but he knows how to turn tables and convinces me.
he lies and i know but ignore and don't tell him
he lies if he party and drink a lot he tell me i slept for two days cause I'm sick and i ignore..but he has a very white heart .
i know him very well without talking i can figure what he do and what he wants and if lies i know.. and he knows that i know him that well .. he know me too.
and suddenly we talked by phone he told me he's going to bar with friend and he some of them couples i told him to have fun and after hours he txt me
(im not god enough for you .. you deserve better than me .. good bye)
i was surprised i called and txt back no respond for a month!
after a month he call to say its over and he can't marry me coz he is not ready and he doesn't have money
he can't build him self before 5 more years
and i deserve the best
hes not good enough for me
btw he don't work he waits for money from his father !
so i give up and tried to let go but still loved him coz i knew there is something wrong
and he is ashamed of my family !
i stayed away 5 years and txt him many time with no reply
this year the 5th year he reply with a cold heart and toughness
he said we are different!
and you deserve a better person..
i beg him lets do this last chance I'm a different person now I'm more calm and wiser..
he said ok..and called 5 months ago
he told me that he started to do business and he stand up on his feet again and he fixed all his family problems..but i don't know if its true!
first we were like strangers and he was so careful with me
this last month he begin to show me he is feelings and he never loved anybody only me..
but when he drinks he tell me that he wants me his wife and the name of our kids and our future..
when he is sober he never told me what he plans for our future.. i asked him once do you want me to be your wife
he get mad and told me why am i calling you all these days of course i want you.. and i missed him a lot i told him i want to see you
he ignore and said he's not ready now..
then after days he came to see me..
he was so confused he never hold me or kissed me nothing
he only talks and talks about him and what he did and where he go ..
suddenly
he looked at me and said you become more beautiful and i get near him and he hold me and kissed me but i still felt that he is not ok
but we kissed and made love and he told me i want u to be mine
and then we talked but i was surprised he never look at my eyes.
the second day he left the city.
after a week when we were talking by phone he told me he will travel
i told him please don't stay long ill miss u and don't leave me !
he get mad and tell me look u know something this the time to say good bye I'm not good enough for you i can't get back with you like before i tried but i can't .. you deserve better than me..
its me not you
you r trying to be someone else not you
we can't make it !
i get mad at first and cried beg him
he was rejecting me and pushed me away
i let him go .
i need to know is he stable ? what does he thinks?
why he did it twice ?
is it true love or illusion?
why he promises me and made love to me and he was thinking to leave?
I'm just wondering why?
and truly now i feel nothing about him
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Nobody here can tell you if he's stable. He certainly doesn't sound stable or healthy. Someone who behaves this way is not going to make a good husband or father. You will always be off balance, your every mood and action dependent on his behavior while he is either pulling you toward him or punching you away. That's not something I'd want in my life.
Try to move on from this. Find someone whose values are closer to yours, who isn't constantly out drinking and partying with other women.
Hugs.
Try to move on from this. Find someone whose values are closer to yours, who isn't constantly out drinking and partying with other women.
Hugs.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
He doesn,t sound stable.
And do you need the roller coaster?
And do you need the roller coaster?
Originally Posted by maryf 
i was engaged 10 years ago to one of my far cousins i was 24 and he was 28. we were extremely in love and we were together for 5 years ,he lives in other city but same country he is open minded he love partying he has girlfriend he was alcoholic but he never told me that he only said that he is a social drinker.
i never knew the first year, we were talking in phone and meeting frequently.
after the first year i started to know that he is alcoholic .. and he have a problem with his family.
when we started our relationship he told me about all his past and relations with girls and his family issues i accepted it and he promised me he will never be a player again..
he wants to be committed he wants family life and kids
and he never felt this way with a girl like me.
we talked daily and never have problems only when he drinks i don't accept it we always have big fight because of heavy drinker..
he always promise me to change and he doesn't like his life and I'm the one who gonna lift him up ..
and he went to a therapist several times he quit and get back again and again..i tried my best to change him but i always fight with him and get mad.. i trusted him a lot and never felt that I'm betrayed we call each other hours and hours we stay in touch the whole day only when he is drunk and sleep for a long day ,,
once i figured out that he knows a girl they drink together and please him self with her .
i did a big fight and left him
he ran back to me and denied that he knows other girl and said that he can't live without me
he will do everything to make me trust him again
he will die if i leave !
i blinded my mind and heart and i knew the truth but i ignore and get him back
coz i loved him so much..
i stayed with him 5 years and he put a ring on me !
his lifestyle is different than mine
he loves patting with girls and couples and never regret if he always lie that he knows girls.
he was extremely crazy about partying
and the last year i get very cold and calm
and let him do whatever he wants and not asking..
he has a very good attitude he respect me and my family and he speaks very confidently but he knows how to turn tables and convinces me.
he lies and i know but ignore and don't tell him
he lies if he party and drink a lot he tell me i slept for two days cause I'm sick and i ignore..but he has a very white heart .
i know him very well without talking i can figure what he do and what he wants and if lies i know.. and he knows that i know him that well .. he know me too.
and suddenly we talked by phone he told me he's going to bar with friend and he some of them couples i told him to have fun and after hours he txt me
(im not god enough for you .. you deserve better than me .. good bye)
i was surprised i called and txt back no respond for a month!
after a month he call to say its over and he can't marry me coz he is not ready and he doesn't have money
he can't build him self before 5 more years
and i deserve the best
hes not good enough for me
btw he don't work he waits for money from his father !
so i give up and tried to let go but still loved him coz i knew there is something wrong
and he is ashamed of my family !
i stayed away 5 years and txt him many time with no reply
this year the 5th year he reply with a cold heart and toughness
he said we are different!
and you deserve a better person..
i beg him lets do this last chance I'm a different person now I'm more calm and wiser..
he said ok..and called 5 months ago
he told me that he started to do business and he stand up on his feet again and he fixed all his family problems..but i don't know if its true!
first we were like strangers and he was so careful with me
this last month he begin to show me he is feelings and he never loved anybody only me..
but when he drinks he tell me that he wants me his wife and the name of our kids and our future..
when he is sober he never told me what he plans for our future.. i asked him once do you want me to be your wife
he get mad and told me why am i calling you all these days of course i want you.. and i missed him a lot i told him i want to see you
he ignore and said he's not ready now..
then after days he came to see me..
he was so confused he never hold me or kissed me nothing
he only talks and talks about him and what he did and where he go ..
suddenly
he looked at me and said you become more beautiful and i get near him and he hold me and kissed me but i still felt that he is not ok
but we kissed and made love and he told me i want u to be mine
and then we talked but i was surprised he never look at my eyes.
the second day he left the city.
after a week when we were talking by phone he told me he will travel
i told him please don't stay long ill miss u and don't leave me !
he get mad and tell me look u know something this the time to say good bye I'm not good enough for you i can't get back with you like before i tried but i can't .. you deserve better than me..
its me not you
you r trying to be someone else not you
we can't make it !
i get mad at first and cried beg him
he was rejecting me and pushed me away
i let him go .
i need to know is he stable ? what does he thinks?
why he did it twice ?
is it true love or illusion?
why he promises me and made love to me and he was thinking to leave?
I'm just wondering why?
and truly now i feel nothing about him
i never knew the first year, we were talking in phone and meeting frequently.
after the first year i started to know that he is alcoholic .. and he have a problem with his family.
when we started our relationship he told me about all his past and relations with girls and his family issues i accepted it and he promised me he will never be a player again..
he wants to be committed he wants family life and kids
and he never felt this way with a girl like me.
we talked daily and never have problems only when he drinks i don't accept it we always have big fight because of heavy drinker..
he always promise me to change and he doesn't like his life and I'm the one who gonna lift him up ..
and he went to a therapist several times he quit and get back again and again..i tried my best to change him but i always fight with him and get mad.. i trusted him a lot and never felt that I'm betrayed we call each other hours and hours we stay in touch the whole day only when he is drunk and sleep for a long day ,,
once i figured out that he knows a girl they drink together and please him self with her .
i did a big fight and left him
he ran back to me and denied that he knows other girl and said that he can't live without me
he will do everything to make me trust him again
he will die if i leave !
i blinded my mind and heart and i knew the truth but i ignore and get him back
coz i loved him so much..
i stayed with him 5 years and he put a ring on me !
his lifestyle is different than mine
he loves patting with girls and couples and never regret if he always lie that he knows girls.
he was extremely crazy about partying
and the last year i get very cold and calm
and let him do whatever he wants and not asking..
he has a very good attitude he respect me and my family and he speaks very confidently but he knows how to turn tables and convinces me.
he lies and i know but ignore and don't tell him
he lies if he party and drink a lot he tell me i slept for two days cause I'm sick and i ignore..but he has a very white heart .
i know him very well without talking i can figure what he do and what he wants and if lies i know.. and he knows that i know him that well .. he know me too.
and suddenly we talked by phone he told me he's going to bar with friend and he some of them couples i told him to have fun and after hours he txt me
(im not god enough for you .. you deserve better than me .. good bye)
i was surprised i called and txt back no respond for a month!
after a month he call to say its over and he can't marry me coz he is not ready and he doesn't have money
he can't build him self before 5 more years
and i deserve the best
hes not good enough for me
btw he don't work he waits for money from his father !
so i give up and tried to let go but still loved him coz i knew there is something wrong
and he is ashamed of my family !
i stayed away 5 years and txt him many time with no reply
this year the 5th year he reply with a cold heart and toughness
he said we are different!
and you deserve a better person..
i beg him lets do this last chance I'm a different person now I'm more calm and wiser..
he said ok..and called 5 months ago
he told me that he started to do business and he stand up on his feet again and he fixed all his family problems..but i don't know if its true!
first we were like strangers and he was so careful with me
this last month he begin to show me he is feelings and he never loved anybody only me..
but when he drinks he tell me that he wants me his wife and the name of our kids and our future..
when he is sober he never told me what he plans for our future.. i asked him once do you want me to be your wife
he get mad and told me why am i calling you all these days of course i want you.. and i missed him a lot i told him i want to see you
he ignore and said he's not ready now..
then after days he came to see me..
he was so confused he never hold me or kissed me nothing
he only talks and talks about him and what he did and where he go ..
suddenly
he looked at me and said you become more beautiful and i get near him and he hold me and kissed me but i still felt that he is not ok
but we kissed and made love and he told me i want u to be mine
and then we talked but i was surprised he never look at my eyes.
the second day he left the city.
after a week when we were talking by phone he told me he will travel
i told him please don't stay long ill miss u and don't leave me !
he get mad and tell me look u know something this the time to say good bye I'm not good enough for you i can't get back with you like before i tried but i can't .. you deserve better than me..
its me not you
you r trying to be someone else not you
we can't make it !
i get mad at first and cried beg him
he was rejecting me and pushed me away
i let him go .
i need to know is he stable ? what does he thinks?
why he did it twice ?
is it true love or illusion?
why he promises me and made love to me and he was thinking to leave?
I'm just wondering why?
and truly now i feel nothing about him
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 6
thank you all for your kindly reply..
i knew he get back to me to Please his conscience
but i just want to know if all alcoholic thinks the same
why they lie and selfish and in denial and make broken promise
does he really in love or he wanted constant gratification ?
but deeply down i don't give a **** about him I'm so better without him
help me what to read and about his behaviour
i knew he get back to me to Please his conscience
but i just want to know if all alcoholic thinks the same
why they lie and selfish and in denial and make broken promise
does he really in love or he wanted constant gratification ?
but deeply down i don't give a **** about him I'm so better without him
help me what to read and about his behaviour
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by maryf
1 - i need to know is he stable ?
2 - is it true love or illusion?
3 - why he promises me and made love to me and he was thinking to leave?
4 - and truly now i feel nothing about him
my thoughts on the above
1 - this man seems not to be stable at this time in his life
his track record in regards to stability is also not a good one
2 - it takes (two) healthy partners to have a healthy relationship
question - are you at this time healthy in body, mind and soul ?
question - is he at this time healthy in body, mind and soul ?
3 - either he is a very confused man
or he was being dishonest with you (if so not a good sign)
4 - best to take care of yourself at this point in time
find people and things to do that are good for your well being
MountainmanBob
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Hello Mary, I agree that Codependent No More by Melody Beattie is a good book. It will point out some of his behaviors, but more importantly help you focus on your own issues. As you likely realize, only you can impact you.
All the best,
All the best,
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
How exhausting. Relationships shouldn't be this much work.
As for his stability who knows. What does it matter? You have to fight for anytime that you have with this man and he pushes you away after. So - why try?
As for his stability who knows. What does it matter? You have to fight for anytime that you have with this man and he pushes you away after. So - why try?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 6
thank you all for your help
i won’t let my anger destroy me for someone who is not worthy
now i knew he is not right for me
I’m better without him
im gonna focus on my life and my future
im gonna find happiness and the best is yet to come
i won’t let my anger destroy me for someone who is not worthy
now i knew he is not right for me
I’m better without him
im gonna focus on my life and my future
im gonna find happiness and the best is yet to come
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Originally Posted by maryf
how shall i get over him quickly ?????
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: in the city by the bay
Posts: 605
So you are 34 and he's 38? You don't want this man for a husband or father to your children. Can you speak with a parent about this? because with this big, long post I think you will be back with him the minute he saps his fingers. I don't think a bunch of strangers are going to have much of an affect. I suspect, if he is a far cousin, you are possibly from someplace like India or Pakistan? just because we don't marry our relatives in the US. So you may be dealing with issues that go beyond our entire comprehension. I have an Indian friend. She had all these ideas of who she was going to marry but didn't marry the person she spoke of. I think she convinced herself the man she was arranged to marry was what she wanted because he had parental approval.
A marriage is not easy. It gets stressful. Especially after there are children. With this man, what will happen when he is no longer getting all your attention after a day of taking care of a baby that wakes every 2 hours? Will he go out drinking?
My ex-husband also had a ton of GFs before me. Then he had tons of GFs during the marriage because he was addicted to the attention. We had 2 kids and sorry but that is when a man needs to grow up and get the fact that dynamics change. Plus, if you are at home with kids, it's easier for him to go out or "work late".
I don't care that you have this history together, you don't owe him anything. I say get out while you can because it's a lot harder once you are married and even harder once there are children.
You say he isn't a player now. Well, my husband, my current husband, was never a player. Not all men were players in the past, probably most weren't. Find one. That is what you want for a husband and father to your children.
A marriage is not easy. It gets stressful. Especially after there are children. With this man, what will happen when he is no longer getting all your attention after a day of taking care of a baby that wakes every 2 hours? Will he go out drinking?
My ex-husband also had a ton of GFs before me. Then he had tons of GFs during the marriage because he was addicted to the attention. We had 2 kids and sorry but that is when a man needs to grow up and get the fact that dynamics change. Plus, if you are at home with kids, it's easier for him to go out or "work late".
I don't care that you have this history together, you don't owe him anything. I say get out while you can because it's a lot harder once you are married and even harder once there are children.
You say he isn't a player now. Well, my husband, my current husband, was never a player. Not all men were players in the past, probably most weren't. Find one. That is what you want for a husband and father to your children.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 6
thank you all .. you were very helpful..
I'm better without him now .. yes he is not mr. right
he won't be even if he sober coz he has mental issues .. love is not everything
if he loves me back he will make an effort not an excuses
I'm free now and will find my own way without him
I'm better without him now .. yes he is not mr. right
he won't be even if he sober coz he has mental issues .. love is not everything
if he loves me back he will make an effort not an excuses
I'm free now and will find my own way without him
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