Please help me get through today
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 290
Please help me get through today
I'm really struggling today.
I had relapse exactly one month ago (after 4 months sober) which lasted a single evening. On that occassion I didn't ask for help. Since then with the help of this site and going to meetings I've managed to get back on track.
Last few days have been tough - I seem to be constantly battling thoughts that, against all evidence, I might be able to drink in a controlled way. I just wish there was an 'off switch' I could press to settle things down and allow me to accept that I just can't drink.
I had relapse exactly one month ago (after 4 months sober) which lasted a single evening. On that occassion I didn't ask for help. Since then with the help of this site and going to meetings I've managed to get back on track.
Last few days have been tough - I seem to be constantly battling thoughts that, against all evidence, I might be able to drink in a controlled way. I just wish there was an 'off switch' I could press to settle things down and allow me to accept that I just can't drink.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,536
Wouldn't THAT be awesome??? An "off" switch!!! The person who can figure that one out will be a gazillion-aire.
In the meantime, we need to do it the old fashioned way. . .and you are. Posting here, asking for help, talking about it. . . all those things are healthy ways to deal with those kinds of thoughts.
It might help for you to distract yourself today. Can you go to a farmer's market, a movie, visit a friend, take the dog to the park????
One thing that helps me with my AV tells me I need a drink is to do the exact opposite of drinking that poison. I will make some fresh veggie juice with beets, celery, cucumber, carrots. . .whatever I have in the fridge. Feeding my body what it needs instead of what the AV says it wants does wonders for me.
Keep on posting and reading on here. The weekender thread may be helpful, too. I love that thread and reading through all of the posts and adding to them is a fun way to spend some time with sober folks like us.
In the meantime, we need to do it the old fashioned way. . .and you are. Posting here, asking for help, talking about it. . . all those things are healthy ways to deal with those kinds of thoughts.
It might help for you to distract yourself today. Can you go to a farmer's market, a movie, visit a friend, take the dog to the park????
One thing that helps me with my AV tells me I need a drink is to do the exact opposite of drinking that poison. I will make some fresh veggie juice with beets, celery, cucumber, carrots. . .whatever I have in the fridge. Feeding my body what it needs instead of what the AV says it wants does wonders for me.
Keep on posting and reading on here. The weekender thread may be helpful, too. I love that thread and reading through all of the posts and adding to them is a fun way to spend some time with sober folks like us.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
I agree with Altoids, I find it helpful to do something caring for myself- whether make a smoothie or juice, take a bath, clip my toenails...
Stay strong. You do not want to drink and will feel so much worse if you do.
Stay strong. You do not want to drink and will feel so much worse if you do.
learning to live
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,665
Mac - You did the right thing asking for help. Don't drink. It wont be worth it. You know this. You know it wont be controlled. Its failed us many times.
I did the same thing recently (posting here for help). I could not kick those thoughts for at least a week. I thought I was going mad. Someone told me that monkey will always be on your back BUT you are in control of picking up. Finally, those thoughts eased up BUT they made me so much stronger because I did not give in. You'll be there too soon. Ride it out. Play the tape through.
Try really hard to think back to that last relapse and how you felt after it.
The MOST important aspect of any journey is to KEEP going.
Don't stop right before the miracle happens.
Do something fun today that your future self will thank you for. I liked Altoid's idea of feeding our bodies the exact opposite of poison! Maybe just start walking..no destination needed. I always do that. Or go online and look up things like "103 reasons to not drink". Or a meeting? Or anything...you can do anything you want but just don't drink. Hugs and hang in there. Stick close to SR too that helps.
I did the same thing recently (posting here for help). I could not kick those thoughts for at least a week. I thought I was going mad. Someone told me that monkey will always be on your back BUT you are in control of picking up. Finally, those thoughts eased up BUT they made me so much stronger because I did not give in. You'll be there too soon. Ride it out. Play the tape through.
Try really hard to think back to that last relapse and how you felt after it.
The MOST important aspect of any journey is to KEEP going.
Don't stop right before the miracle happens.
Do something fun today that your future self will thank you for. I liked Altoid's idea of feeding our bodies the exact opposite of poison! Maybe just start walking..no destination needed. I always do that. Or go online and look up things like "103 reasons to not drink". Or a meeting? Or anything...you can do anything you want but just don't drink. Hugs and hang in there. Stick close to SR too that helps.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Mare Crisium
Posts: 1,930
I've had more than my share of "relapses".
Hundreds, maybe more. The last few
have been worse and worse.
Usually won't be one day. Turns into
a month binge. Be strong. It ain't
worth the regret, guilt, hangover, "day 1"
all over again, etc.
Hit the "off" switch. It's there if you look for it.
Not easy to see at times, but it's there.
Hundreds, maybe more. The last few
have been worse and worse.
Usually won't be one day. Turns into
a month binge. Be strong. It ain't
worth the regret, guilt, hangover, "day 1"
all over again, etc.
Hit the "off" switch. It's there if you look for it.
Not easy to see at times, but it's there.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas
Posts: 1,736
I know how you feel as yesterday I had a depression come over me that was borderline crippling.
What I'm trying to learn is that the power & desire I have to NOT drink can be stronger than my AV. When you give yourself permission to be in charge it's terrifying at first. Instead of trying to constantly fight off my AV, I'm trying to empower sober me (the REAL me btw) to shut that smarmy little snake down.
I don't have to drink. Period. End of story.
I deserve to feel happy, well-adjusted, shame-free, guilt-free, proud & good about myself. Slowly learning to make that be the driving force in my life - not battling myself to exhaustion.
Will let you know how it works out.
What I'm trying to learn is that the power & desire I have to NOT drink can be stronger than my AV. When you give yourself permission to be in charge it's terrifying at first. Instead of trying to constantly fight off my AV, I'm trying to empower sober me (the REAL me btw) to shut that smarmy little snake down.
I don't have to drink. Period. End of story.
I deserve to feel happy, well-adjusted, shame-free, guilt-free, proud & good about myself. Slowly learning to make that be the driving force in my life - not battling myself to exhaustion.
Will let you know how it works out.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 290
Thanks everyone for the ideas, think I'll start with a LONG walk.
Altoids....the gazilionaire part sounds pretty nice!
Heartsafire..that makes a lot of sense about the 'true' you being stronger than your AV.
Lunar...I'm looking for that off switch, its getting closer
Altoids....the gazilionaire part sounds pretty nice!
Heartsafire..that makes a lot of sense about the 'true' you being stronger than your AV.
Lunar...I'm looking for that off switch, its getting closer
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
Enjoy the walk , great idea exercise and a little mind wandering thinking time.
A little sober-zen type thinking helped me , at least as perspective setting koans-ishy.
I didn't have a problem drinking, I could take it or leave it. It was getting drunk that I had the problem with, liked it way too much. It could be that that was all I wanted and all efforts were focused on that. Whether it was just the night of drinking , that getting drunk and close to oblivion was the goal for a night , or the aftermath of the next and have that bleed into the next day/evening that lead to the quest for oblivion, it can become a lifestyle.
So ..well the only way I could wrap my head around to stop getting drunk was to stop the drinking, whether or not there was a question to my being able to control it.
I quit drinking, to stop getting drunk.
A little sober-zen type thinking helped me , at least as perspective setting koans-ishy.
I didn't have a problem drinking, I could take it or leave it. It was getting drunk that I had the problem with, liked it way too much. It could be that that was all I wanted and all efforts were focused on that. Whether it was just the night of drinking , that getting drunk and close to oblivion was the goal for a night , or the aftermath of the next and have that bleed into the next day/evening that lead to the quest for oblivion, it can become a lifestyle.
So ..well the only way I could wrap my head around to stop getting drunk was to stop the drinking, whether or not there was a question to my being able to control it.
I quit drinking, to stop getting drunk.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Hey Mac, weekends used to be tough for myself, not doing what I usually would be doing, which was drinking!!
We have a Weekender thread for extra support, everyone is welcome!!
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...g-15-17-a.html
We have a Weekender thread for extra support, everyone is welcome!!
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...g-15-17-a.html
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 290
Dwtdb thanks the walk was good, like you it was the getting drunk and the aftermath that made me want (need) to stop. My addicted voice though doesn't remember all the bad stuff. You are so right though, in order to stop getting drunk there is one simple rule........dont drink
Purpleknight I'll give the weekender thread a try. Weekends, saturdays in particular are by far the most difficult days so anything that keeps me occupied is a bonus
Purpleknight I'll give the weekender thread a try. Weekends, saturdays in particular are by far the most difficult days so anything that keeps me occupied is a bonus
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
I found hanging out on SR was really helpful; reading the huge variety of posts in the forums. Maybe even look for a few book titles that are suggested and pick up a copy at your local bookstore or library. Keeping yourself busy is key as has already been suggested. It drove me BONKERS to hear people say that with time the cravings would go away....but it really is true I think you are great for reaching out on SR!
I think you are great for reaching out on SR!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,418
I'm cleaning the heck out of my closets today in an effort to quell this ridiculous urge to drink. It seems today I decided that maybe I can just drink like a normal person! Yea, no. Out of left field, too. I was very committed 2 day ago. So, my advice is cleaning a closet and posting here in between putting stuff in donation bags! Do something that takes you out of your regular routine, shake things up a little.
They say it gets easier- let's keep going so we can find out for ourselves.
They say it gets easier- let's keep going so we can find out for ourselves.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 290
Its 2am here and I made it through a white knuckle Saturday without a drink. Don't know if I could have managed it without posting earlier. Thankyou so much for all the support.
Viking...your term 'out of left field' is exactly what it feels like. 3 months into recovery I was coasting - really thought that I had accepted things. Then out of nowhere: bang - its back, that voice just started churning again. "Have a drink/just one/I'm not really an alcoholic/I deserve this/this is so unfair"...on and on it goes. Exhausting!!
So another lesson learned....that inner voice will maybe always be there, hopefully I can get it to stop screaming some time soon. But the most valuable lesson, is that I no matter how bad the cravings are - I don't have to drink!
SR
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
Glad to hear the day ended better than maybe it started. The more you deny the AV and it's inane rumblings the weaker it gets,by starving it out . Hang in there ,it gets better , not just an empty promise or bromide, it does
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
Great job Mac...You have been given great advice, the advice about reaching out and talking like you did by posting is gold...I find it so hard and scary asking for help and yet when I have shared my struggles I have felt so much better...Well done.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas
Posts: 1,736
Great job! While I believe sobriety is an inside job, I also believe we can't do it w/out each other's support. Thank you for the reminder to share w/others who are walking my walk. It was beyond courageous.
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