Shan77

It has been a very rough couple of weeks for soon to be XAH. He was pulled over a couple of weeks ago for his 2nd driving on revoked. Within the next few days, his car was seized. Also, I forced him to move out, and he was calling daily that he misses me and the kids. Friends he tried to move in with couldn't tolerate his drinking, so he felt he was forced to live in a tent, and be homeless. He tried to get an apartment, but not sure he will be able to because of lack of money, and his record of 2 DUIs, a hit and run, and 2 driving on revoked. He showed up to work drunk yesterday. His job wanted to fire him, but union was able to talk them into leave of absence for rehab. At the time, he was outta control, yelling and causing a scene, so they called the cops, and had him arrested. He called me today asking for the $25,000 bond. I refused saying that or rehab is the best place for him right now. After he gets outta jail there, he has another warrant in our state, and will need to post bond for that too. With each incident, I think this has got to be his 'rock bottom'! He is spiraling outta control! It is so hard to watch!

WendyOR

I am sorry to hear this. It is hard to watch them as they lose control. I hope you know you are doing the right thing by not posting bail and keeping things in his court. Be strong, and I know sometimes being strong is the hardest thing to do.

RollTide

I'm very sorry that you are going through this. It was pretty much the same with my XAH. DUI's and rehab to keep his job...three times in fact. It just never got better and I finally had to escape the insanity. I'm thankful that I did. Life is good now.

My advice is to step back and let him work it out. I know it is so painful to watch.

ladyscribbler

There have been times when I thought surely my ex had hit his bottom, but he always seems to "grab a shovel and keep digging", as I have heard some RAs say on the alcoholism board. Agree with others to stay out of his way. Good call on not handing him any money, which surely would have disappeared down the black hole of addiction.
Hugs. I know it's hard to watch. I gave up my front row seat but I still get occasional updates and they are always about some horrid new low.

SeriousKarma

Shan, you have been forced to make some very tough decisions, and it looks like you have risen to the occasion. My thoughts and prayers go out to you for continued strength, because, you're right, it is so hard to watch them spiraling.

Use the time he's in jail (or rehab) as a respite for you and the kids, and a time to work on the family's recovery and a plan for the future. At least you know, for that brief time, the pause button will have been pushed in his behavior.