We're finally talking about my AM
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 39
We're finally talking about my AM
Since breaking up with my XABF (wow...I just realized I've never said that word before now...) on Monday, it's been a whirlwind of a week. For many reasons.
The latest is that today my dad wanted to talk to me, so I called him between jobs. Along with wanting to know how I'm doing, how I'm feeling, etc. etc., he wanted to talk to me about something he didn't want to talk about in front of my mom. Having recently discovered in the last few months that my mom is more than likely an alcoholic, I had a pretty good idea where it was going. Up to this point I didn't think he knew she was an alcoholic. I just saw him enabling her and being loving and all that crap, but apparently he has known for a while. Many years in fact. He was telling me that when I brought up that my XABF was an alcoholic he saw it as a huge red flag (THANK GOD ONE OF MY PARENTS ACKNOWLEDGES THAT!!). He started talking about his relationship with my mom and how she wasn't always like this but suddenly she is "two-sheets to the wind" every night. He can't have a serious conversation with her because he doesn't know what reaction he's going to get. His feeling of shame possibly enabling her and having his children grow up thinking this is normal behavior. Her hurtful words and behavior while drunk that she either forgets or brushes away in the morning. How he's worried that this'll be passed on to my brothers in some way, as my grandfather was probably one as well (he died before my dad met her).
I can't even begin to say how heartbreaking it was to hear his story and to understand it so clearly. That I could empathize with him and how terribly wonderful it was to talk about my AM with someone who also loves her. Who understands all the emotions that go with this disease. A terrible cause for a father-daughter bonding moment, but having experienced it I'm glad that we can have it. Knowing him, I'm sure he's bottled it up inside and has never let it see the light. Hopefully he doesn't feel so alone with his feelings and experiences.
I do feel sad for him, because he is loyal and won't back away from my AM unless it becomes much, much worse. I hope he gets the help he needs and that she comes to terms with her drinking. Or at least acknowledges it.
Has anyone had a similar experience? How did you navigate it?
The latest is that today my dad wanted to talk to me, so I called him between jobs. Along with wanting to know how I'm doing, how I'm feeling, etc. etc., he wanted to talk to me about something he didn't want to talk about in front of my mom. Having recently discovered in the last few months that my mom is more than likely an alcoholic, I had a pretty good idea where it was going. Up to this point I didn't think he knew she was an alcoholic. I just saw him enabling her and being loving and all that crap, but apparently he has known for a while. Many years in fact. He was telling me that when I brought up that my XABF was an alcoholic he saw it as a huge red flag (THANK GOD ONE OF MY PARENTS ACKNOWLEDGES THAT!!). He started talking about his relationship with my mom and how she wasn't always like this but suddenly she is "two-sheets to the wind" every night. He can't have a serious conversation with her because he doesn't know what reaction he's going to get. His feeling of shame possibly enabling her and having his children grow up thinking this is normal behavior. Her hurtful words and behavior while drunk that she either forgets or brushes away in the morning. How he's worried that this'll be passed on to my brothers in some way, as my grandfather was probably one as well (he died before my dad met her).
I can't even begin to say how heartbreaking it was to hear his story and to understand it so clearly. That I could empathize with him and how terribly wonderful it was to talk about my AM with someone who also loves her. Who understands all the emotions that go with this disease. A terrible cause for a father-daughter bonding moment, but having experienced it I'm glad that we can have it. Knowing him, I'm sure he's bottled it up inside and has never let it see the light. Hopefully he doesn't feel so alone with his feelings and experiences.
I do feel sad for him, because he is loyal and won't back away from my AM unless it becomes much, much worse. I hope he gets the help he needs and that she comes to terms with her drinking. Or at least acknowledges it.
Has anyone had a similar experience? How did you navigate it?
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