What/Where is Alanon? ("she just can't get it...")

Old 07-19-2004, 02:42 PM
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What/Where is Alanon? ("she just can't get it...")

Haven't been here in a while, even though misery has kept its vigil. It's wonderful to see how people fool themselves into believing they are alright!

I am still here... unfortunately. Still going throught the mess with the person I'm married to... who is not drinking (right now) but still such an ******* that now I can't stand her even more!

She truly believes all the ******** things she's made up in her mind about the business, about her drinking, and now that she's had thirty days sober thinks that she has it all together and nowhere do I fit in this picture - it's still the what do you do ****? And even when I'm in the office it's derisive remarks and I hate now that I took the time to see if she'd change and be a better person after detox, but now I'm just sick I screwwed up and stayed!

I guess my feeling have just died for her. I tried to talk to her to see if she actually understood anything on how we survived all her drinking, but she suddenly is so "well" that she now can do it all!

Sure she's is going to meetings... I think. At least she says she is, but the behavior hasn't changed. I want her to read what living with an alcoholic have done to us and the abuses that are heaped upon us daily, and all the misery we go through loving a sick person, but it just doesn't sink in!

But really, that's all I'd need... just some sign that she understood that she's even done wrong! A little sign... just a small recognition. Is that too much to ask of someone who you've given up most of your life for?

Hell, now that Alanon is gone, she won't even understand the simpleness of what "friends of Alcoholics means! The wierdest part is why would someone lie to AA? Why pretend to be all better, when you know you haven't even looked at a stepbook in years? And why make other AA member think you were okay when you weren't? Sure it feels good to not be drinking, but it's a long road to wellness, and part of that is accepting where and what you did while you were drinking... I thought.

Is our love lost? I guess. There is nothing when I look at her anymore. Nothing. Just disgust. And that's not good.

I'm not coming back here.
This is partly why I left AA. I got better more by myself than the advice I found at AA's and although you all have been soooo supportive. That's not what I need. I need answers! Why and how to get out and actually show this fool that she has hurt me! That her unfeeling attitude is killing me literally and I don't want to be with her anymore! I just can't stand being around someone who doesn't feel anything but for their work or how well they look to others.

Maybe it's facetious to think that at my age things are going to change, and right now I don't care since I can't get out of this, but I will find someone to make me happy. Somehow out of this mess!
I just don't care anymore!
You can lie to me all you want. But I'm going to learn how to as well!

so board up the damn tunnel!
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Old 07-19-2004, 03:01 PM
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Hi ((Lostdream)) Wish I could say something wonderful, that would help it all make sense - but I can't.
I'm a drunk married to the same, and it hasn't been a very good marriage in the last couple of years. He has hurt me and my daughter in in-measureable ways, specifically with verbal abuse. He's "dry".
What I've had to do, is do the best to take care of me, and it has been a rough road, but I'm sober. I do my best to find happiness in my kids, my Mom, work, school and friends. I've isolated for so many years - that making friends is something I've forced myself to do.
I ask myself "what in the heck are you still doing here?" Guess all I can do, and still do is pray that he will wake up and realize what a sick/mean person he is. If I could leave, I would have many times.
Take care of you. Do what you have to do for your sanity.
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Old 07-19-2004, 03:56 PM
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We will still be here. I hope that you can get past the blame and anger some day. You don't have to live that way. Hugs, Magic
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Old 07-19-2004, 04:04 PM
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Just a word. The only thing about this board that has changed is the name (see Jon's post at the top of the board). All of the same posters, love and support still live here.
And a big ditto to what Magic said. Blame and anger are negative forces that kept me stuck in a downward spiral as long as I chose to live in their shadow.
Gabe
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Old 07-19-2004, 05:11 PM
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sorry...

let me go home... go to sleep on this and wish again tomorrow :wizard:
you all are great... and anger does make one stupid...



so does desperation
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Old 07-19-2004, 05:53 PM
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Hi Dream,its good to get it all out.I know for myself,before i could even listen to others,or,even,start to,work on myself,and do the do things in recovery,i needed to...talk....I mean really...talk.Tell it exactly like i felt it,with,an, understanding friend.There was so ,,much,negitive, stuff inside of me,that i had kept there for years.It was festering for years,and anger became rage..Yupper blame and anger was held inside.When i let it,rip roar out,i felt a whole lot better.Even hearing what i was saying,helped me to see,,alot of things about...myself,and how i responded to life and people..,.All that."stuff."........was out..!!!!..Then i was ready to start anew...That,heavy weight was fiinally lifted...
Thank you for sharring...
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Old 07-21-2004, 06:56 AM
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Dream...
You had to try for you, don't blame yourself for that. There is nothing that says you can't leave now if that's what you want to do.
You want answers? We all do.
Some recovering A's see the damage they've done, others never do. Some have so many wholes in their memories that they create memories that fit what they'd like to think of themselves or what they'd like others to think of them.
I KNOW there is someone who can make you happy....
that person is YOU! You have to let yourself be happy and to do things that make you happy. Maybe you can write your story and see where it takes you...
I wish you Peace.
River

Personally I like the track without tunnels on it.
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