Aeryn

I don't post much around here anymore (for the record I've been around since 2010 had to change my name for privacy reasons) because I don't relate anymore a lot of the time...and I'm not saying that in a bad or negative way in fact I think it might be a sign I'm moving forward to the next phase. I no longer spend my days thinking about an A, what they are doing, how their recovery is or anything like that. So when I read posts about that I just feel out of place...it's weird. And for me those things I experienced were years ago and I just don't think about them much anymore, I mean sure they happened but they are in the past and I'm more interested in the present. My XRAH has been in recovery since last November so what is that 8 or 9 months but I don't even think about it other than right now when I said this. We haven't lived together for over 2 years and we've been legally separated over 1. I know he wants me back but I don't think much about that either...I guess I'm not interested...or I'm over it. But it doesn't bother me or even concern me anymore....and that's a new thing too, I used to obsess about it.

I just have normal issues now - trying to wade through douches in the dating pool, hanging out with friends that sometimes do dumb things, working my new job, living in my new house and all the day to day issues that come with that. Some annoying work rules and some boxes still not unpacked from my second move and sometimes lonely but normal issues. Sometimes I'm up and sometimes not but I no longer even attribute that to codependency (sorry I don't think I was) or alcoholism...I see it as normal stuff, some days are good and some not. I don't know what I want or where I'm headed but I just experience things as they come and we will see where it goes. I'm in no hurry to divorce my XRAH...I don't really know why it's just not high on my list of worries, we are legally separated and really that seems to be fine. I don't know....the other day I realized I'm not even going to look for a new relationship anymore...I just figured if it comes it does and if not not. I have a great close new male friend but it's not anything but a friend and quite honestly I'm happy with that....he has shown me a love I never experienced in my entire life and it's great....he's too young for even the possibility of dating him but the friendship was meant to be and it's a lasting one. I still go to ACOA meetings occasionally and I do relate there but most of the time I no longer feel an urgent need to go....and I think I'm ready to move on from therapy. I plan to tell my therapist on Monday.

I guess I don't know I just feel different, I feel OK and like I've moved past the grip alcohol had on me (I say that not as the alcoholic but as the alanon that was obsessing about my relationship with an alcoholic and his alcohol)...in the end the alcohol was really just the glue that kept me obsessing and not living. However I feel like I'm ready to move on finally and leave this phase of my life behind. I'm not sure I think I was an alanon so much as I just got caught up in the disease...I'm definitely an ACOA and I love I have those meetings as a tool when I need them but I rarely feel that anymore. I'm ok with me, myself and I.

I don't know even what I'm rambling about does anyone relate?

Butterfly

Thank you early it's good to hear someone so far in their recovery and it gives me hope that there is light at the end of the craziness!!

Dojang

I cannot say I relate, yet, but I think I am on my way there. I have been going to counseling and will go to Al Anon, but haven't made a meeting yet. Since stepping away, I can finally see just how insane my life had become because of his alcoholism and my codependency. The counseling has been a huge help. He is in AA, which has also made a difference. We separated for several weeks and are now back together. I know that I cannot be around him if he drinks at all. We aren't married and each have our own place, but he stays at my house every night. So if he does relapse, he will be at his house, not mine. I was able to walk away during the last binge, and I will do it again if he drinks. I can't believe how much I obsessed about his drinking and behavior. I know I am in the early stages of recovery from codependency, so I still have a long way to go. It's just so freeing to not have him & his issues on my mind all the time. And it's really nice to laugh again. I hope to get to where you are, either with or without him in my life.
Congrats!

lillamy

Well, I don't know if this counts, but I spend a lot of time in another support group now, too -- because I'm finally focusing on myself and have gotten to the point where I can look at other aspects of me (separate from my codependency) that need work.

I'm glad you're doing well, though!