Hi, New to this forum, just thought I would introduce myself
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Leeds
Posts: 5
Hi, New to this forum, just thought I would introduce myself
Hi,
This is a new to me, I never thought I would ever get myself in to such a situation that I would feel the need to register for something like this. But unfortunately I think I need to admit to myself that I may need help.
I am 38 years old, I think I started to drink heavily when I was in my early 20's when I moved away from y home town, I just seemed to go to the pub every night after work, mainly because I didnt have any friends in the new area I had moved to so the only socializing I did was in the pub. This lifestyle was very expensive so I had to stop going to the pub every night, I think this is the time I started to notice a problem, instead of not drinking I just drank at home on my own.
I have been lucky in that during all this I have managed to get married, buy a house and run my own business. But this problem is getting worse and even though I see all the benefits of stopping drinking, most I ever manage is 1 or 2 days before I give myself an excuse to drink again. I drink if i'm stressed, I drink if i'm happy, i drink if I feel sad, there's always a good reason.
I work from home and my business is starting to suffer, by time I get my head in the right place to work productively its nearly mid day, I will normally get a couple of hours of work in before I start drinking again! I carry on working while I drink and by the time 5pm comes I cant function at work, I cant concentrate on anything! My wife has no idea that I drink in the day, I might of had 6 or 7 drinks before she gets home from work, and then I will make out that I am opening my first drink of the evening, I will carry on to drink another 6 or 7 drinks. I wont eat in the evening as it stops me drinking as much. I wake up the next day, feel terrible, feel bad as I cant work, but the same day starts again.
I ended up hitting the Vodka on Tuesday night, this was because my cider had run out but I just had to have more!! My wife hates that I drink so much yet she has no idea really that the problem is twice as bad as she thinks!
My problem is that I feel I want to give up drinking without having to feel the shame of telling everyone I have a drink problem.....is this possible?
Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read this.
This is a new to me, I never thought I would ever get myself in to such a situation that I would feel the need to register for something like this. But unfortunately I think I need to admit to myself that I may need help.
I am 38 years old, I think I started to drink heavily when I was in my early 20's when I moved away from y home town, I just seemed to go to the pub every night after work, mainly because I didnt have any friends in the new area I had moved to so the only socializing I did was in the pub. This lifestyle was very expensive so I had to stop going to the pub every night, I think this is the time I started to notice a problem, instead of not drinking I just drank at home on my own.
I have been lucky in that during all this I have managed to get married, buy a house and run my own business. But this problem is getting worse and even though I see all the benefits of stopping drinking, most I ever manage is 1 or 2 days before I give myself an excuse to drink again. I drink if i'm stressed, I drink if i'm happy, i drink if I feel sad, there's always a good reason.
I work from home and my business is starting to suffer, by time I get my head in the right place to work productively its nearly mid day, I will normally get a couple of hours of work in before I start drinking again! I carry on working while I drink and by the time 5pm comes I cant function at work, I cant concentrate on anything! My wife has no idea that I drink in the day, I might of had 6 or 7 drinks before she gets home from work, and then I will make out that I am opening my first drink of the evening, I will carry on to drink another 6 or 7 drinks. I wont eat in the evening as it stops me drinking as much. I wake up the next day, feel terrible, feel bad as I cant work, but the same day starts again.
I ended up hitting the Vodka on Tuesday night, this was because my cider had run out but I just had to have more!! My wife hates that I drink so much yet she has no idea really that the problem is twice as bad as she thinks!
My problem is that I feel I want to give up drinking without having to feel the shame of telling everyone I have a drink problem.....is this possible?
Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read this.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Chrisss, welcome. Glad you found SR, there is a ton of support here.
Your story reminds me of me. Except that I am 41 and do not have my own business.
Other than that, the same... Drinking heavily / daily since 20, managed to get married, buy a house (although had to refinance several times to afford all of the drinking), have two wonderful kids, etc.
I could never make it even two days without drinking for the past 21 years; even when sick with the flu, holidays, etc, I always drank and drank hard.
Started drinking around 9:30 am on the weekends about 3 years ago and around noon at work; I have a job that I could drink and no one would notice. By the time I got home my wife would have no idea I had already had 8 or 10 beers or a bottle of wine...
Won't bore you with my whole story... You can do this. I am now 40 days sober today. Actually decided to make the change last year and made it 9 months before relapsing.
My first attempt, I did not tell my wife the extent of my addiction. This was part of my downfall when I relapsed. She is a drinker too and helped convince me that I could moderate. Not her fault, she had no idea of the extent of my problem because I had not told her.
This time, she knows I drink around the clock after I have the first drink. Doesn't matter at what hour I start, I won't stop.
You can do this. I can't suggest one way or the other on sharing with your wife the extent of your problem. I have tried it both ways and don't think there is a wrong way... I just know having her full support this time around because I was totally honest has helped me immensely.
Best of luck and sorry if I rambled. Your story just seems eerily close to mine I had to let you know there are others here; many; that can relate to what you are dealing with.
Best of luck, you have come to the right place if you truly want to quit!
Your story reminds me of me. Except that I am 41 and do not have my own business.
Other than that, the same... Drinking heavily / daily since 20, managed to get married, buy a house (although had to refinance several times to afford all of the drinking), have two wonderful kids, etc.
I could never make it even two days without drinking for the past 21 years; even when sick with the flu, holidays, etc, I always drank and drank hard.
Started drinking around 9:30 am on the weekends about 3 years ago and around noon at work; I have a job that I could drink and no one would notice. By the time I got home my wife would have no idea I had already had 8 or 10 beers or a bottle of wine...
Won't bore you with my whole story... You can do this. I am now 40 days sober today. Actually decided to make the change last year and made it 9 months before relapsing.
My first attempt, I did not tell my wife the extent of my addiction. This was part of my downfall when I relapsed. She is a drinker too and helped convince me that I could moderate. Not her fault, she had no idea of the extent of my problem because I had not told her.
This time, she knows I drink around the clock after I have the first drink. Doesn't matter at what hour I start, I won't stop.
You can do this. I can't suggest one way or the other on sharing with your wife the extent of your problem. I have tried it both ways and don't think there is a wrong way... I just know having her full support this time around because I was totally honest has helped me immensely.
Best of luck and sorry if I rambled. Your story just seems eerily close to mine I had to let you know there are others here; many; that can relate to what you are dealing with.
Best of luck, you have come to the right place if you truly want to quit!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
your wife probably realizes more than you realize....
those who love us are often the best at making excuses for us in their own minds, even as they are dragged silently down into their own despair over our actions because of addiction.
You're blessed, you know.
You've been given a gift by yourself.
Some voice within you has spoken up and prompted you "DO something... this isn't what is right for me... for my family.... for the world".
I urge you to really listen to that voice and to begin letting it speak freely and loudly and to put it first. Set aside that other voice that will talk to you about "just moderate" and "It's not that bad" and "well, c'mon... surely just one or two is fine".
Honor that Voice of Your Inner Self who has brought you here. You are amongst those who understand and we're all here to help and encourage you to choose a more rewarding, joyful, rich and full path of life....
Welcome.
those who love us are often the best at making excuses for us in their own minds, even as they are dragged silently down into their own despair over our actions because of addiction.
You're blessed, you know.
You've been given a gift by yourself.
Some voice within you has spoken up and prompted you "DO something... this isn't what is right for me... for my family.... for the world".
I urge you to really listen to that voice and to begin letting it speak freely and loudly and to put it first. Set aside that other voice that will talk to you about "just moderate" and "It's not that bad" and "well, c'mon... surely just one or two is fine".
Honor that Voice of Your Inner Self who has brought you here. You are amongst those who understand and we're all here to help and encourage you to choose a more rewarding, joyful, rich and full path of life....
Welcome.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Leeds
Posts: 5
Thanks guys for the confidence boosting words. I will certainly stick around.
ccman, your story does sound very similar to what I am going through. Especially the drinking heavily in the day. Well this is second day not drinking....so perhaps this time I can go more than 2 days lol.
I did give up about 2 years ago for 9 months, this was because I tried to stop smoking, I gave both for 9 months, but then they both returned with a vengeance!! I think I will just concentrate on the drinking this time and leave smoking until later!
ccman, your story does sound very similar to what I am going through. Especially the drinking heavily in the day. Well this is second day not drinking....so perhaps this time I can go more than 2 days lol.
I did give up about 2 years ago for 9 months, this was because I tried to stop smoking, I gave both for 9 months, but then they both returned with a vengeance!! I think I will just concentrate on the drinking this time and leave smoking until later!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by Chrisss 
Free owl....yeah I get them voices. But its normally, just one more day of drinking, I will stop properly tomorrow.....this has been going on for years!....tomorrow needs to be here today!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 554
Chrisss, you will find many of our stories have many similarities. I was amazed at how alike we are in so many ways. The secret drinking, the hiding drinks in coffee cups and water bottles. OF gulping down a glass, then refiling quickly to look like you are all on same glass of wine, etc. I like the feeling I'm not alone. and Welcome.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Leeds
Posts: 5
esd907.....I do that, well similar, I pop outside for a smoke during an ad break on tv, but take my beer with me, I drink the whole can while i'm having my smoke and open another one (outside so my wife doesnt hear the can open) and pretend its still the same drink. Sad hey!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 129
Welcome Chrisss! I too am 38 and made the decision this year that I had enough of the bottle. It seems daunting at first, but as time goes by and you keep it simple, it won't seems so bad. Glad your here with us!!
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
That "shame" is your ego - nothing more. When I admitted I was an alcoholic, it became unanimous. I shared with my wife my trepidation of " everyone will know" if I quit and admit. She laughed and gently replied......They already know, honey. Perhaps your not at that point, yet = You're eligible too.
That guilt will turn to JOY in a very short period. Treat it like you are allergic,which is true - and react poorly when you use it. Tell friends that's the reason if you prefer. Sobriety is a great foothold for the S*** we deal with everyday.
Glad your here, keep sharing.
That guilt will turn to JOY in a very short period. Treat it like you are allergic,which is true - and react poorly when you use it. Tell friends that's the reason if you prefer. Sobriety is a great foothold for the S*** we deal with everyday.
Glad your here, keep sharing.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: baltimore, maryland
Posts: 463
Welcome Chrisss, Withdrawl symtoms (shaking, night sweats, anxiety etc.) always kept me from getting sober. I could not get over that hump of the withdrawl period. Withdrawl can be dangerous, so I would suggest a medically supervised detox. After detox you can then concentrate on your recovery. My doctor prescribed some great meds which I took at home and they got me through the horrible symptoms. It only took about 3-4 days and then I felt human again. It sounds like you will probably suffer some withdrawl if you go cold turkey now, considering how much and how long you have been drinking. It was the best decision I ever made, I just came clean with my doctor and he took care of the rest. Take care of yourself.
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