howardm

Hey guys,

This is my first post, and I realize some of you might laugh at the question. Anyway, for years I drank too much but was not "abusing" alcohol if you will. I would drink probably 4-5 beers a night which seemed to be more of habit than anything else as I would consume these over a four hour period or so.

About 6 months ago I randomly bought some liquor and then relatively soon I started "needing" it - like just to feel normal. I would drink from the time I woke up to about 5pm and then at close to bed time I would take a couple more shots so I wouldn't wake up two hours later sweating or shaking. I ended up going to rehab a couple of weeks ago, and due to insurance, I was only allowed to stay a week, however, after going through the detox and withdrawal for a 3 or 4 days I felt fine and have no real cravings. I've been out a week now, almost was broken up with from a 3 year relationship upon my return home from rehab bc of me hiding this and lying about it. I have also been pretty isolated this week bc of work and friends being out of town along with my girlfriend visiting her parents out of state. Needless to say, I've had plenty of "trigger" situations and abstaining has been relatively easy.

Is there a possibility I might not be a full-blown alcoholic? Regardless, I will not drink again until my birthday in November and have no plans of keeping alcohol at the apartment just to "have." But would like to be able to go to happy hour with co-workers after work once a week, or go watch a game and have some beers. Am I being stupid by even thinking of this as a possibility? Have a lot of you been without considerable temptation or thoughts about drinking this early in recovery?

Thanks for any input!

Dee74

Hi Howard

I think labels can actually get in the way sometimes - if your drinking is causing you problems, it's something you need to address, yeah?

I know many people who can go for weeks or even months without drinking but when they drink they binge...needing to drink is a red flag too.

I think you fit in here
good to have you here

D

DoubleBarrel

If you were physically addicted, and got over it, why would you ever go back and start drinking again?

Something else is going on. I think you are bargaining because you don't like the answer to your own question.

howardm

Thanks for the input. The short answer is because it Was controllable for so long until I started drinking the liquor and was going through some stuff. I just wonder why it has been so easy for me so quickly. I quit smoking and I thought about and craved it all day. I just assumed it would be similar with alcohol and it hasn't ben.

DoubleBarrel

That sounds like a blessing. Most of us have had to fight cravings for a long time. That can be the hardest part.

So if you were able to quit effortlessly, why is it you are planning to drink again? Seems like playing with fire a bit? You say you aren't a full blown alcoholic, but most agree that it IS a progressive illness.

My recommendation would be that if you could find the strength to stay away from it, don't start back again. You could literally be dodging a real bullet of misery.

What is the upside to drinking again?

Eddiebuckle

Howard, check out the term "alcohol kindling effect." It may not be in play for you, but it's important to know what you are up against.

PurpleKnight

I'm not too sure of the purpose of the question, "needing" alcohol is not a sustainable way forward in life!!

I rarely get into the ins and outs of termonolgy and labels used, the important question being is alcohol affecting your life, if it did then something needed to change and as mentioned your moving forward in your life!!

Welcome to the Forum!!

Meraviglioso

As others have said, alcoholism is progressive. From the moment I started drinking I have been a problem drinker. But it was not a huge issue for many years. I was young, everyone around me was drinking to excess, I got through school and work just fine. I then got a DUI but kept on drinking. Then, after a particularly embarrassing episode of drunken behavior I decided to stop. It was ok, it was the first time I had decided to stop drinking and I did it on my first try without any real problems. I stayed sober for 14 months until one night I was out at happy hour with my office pals. They had always kind of teased me for being sober but it was in good fun. But this night they did their usual bit and in some stupid stroke of idiocy I said "I could drink the whole lot of you under the table" and then proceeded to prove that to them. Which I did by the way. Thus began a new battle with alcohol that has lasted, and gotten progressivly worse over the last 10 years. I cannot even begin to describe the hell I have been through due to alcohol over the last 10 years. What began as just some binge drinking here and there has led to more heartache, health issues, danger and terror than I can put into words. I am now at the point that I want that bastard alcohol out of my life for good and let me tell you, giving it up this time is no walk in the park. It is a struggle I face nearly every minute of every day. I have relapsed, I have cried whole oceans full of tears, I have started to repair relationships only to once again lose trust when I return to drinking. I WILL do this, but I am climbing a mountain here.

Coulda, shoulda, woulda......... I think back on that night at the bar so many years ago and wish with all my might I had not had that first drink. Quitting had been so easy that time around, why, why, why did I not stick with sobriety, which had proven to be so much more of a life than alcohol had ever offered me. So much more. Full of joy, quality rest, no guilt, shame or embarrassment, positive relationships, great success at work, present in every moment.

Only you can decide to quit and stay sober. But I promise you, I really promise you, if you go back to drinking and then come to a place where it is essential you stop, the next time won't be as easy. Take this as an easy win and relish in the gift you have been given.

desypete

there is a guy in aa who shared at me in a meeting that he thinks i had it easy
i was angry at him for saying such a thing, as i lost my wife and family, i lost my business, i lost all my money, my 2 small kids ended up in foster carers, and i had been to prison a few times with my drinking

i came to aa with nothing and no money and this guy said i had it easy !!!

he came to aa with a wife and family and a job and he told me i had it easy !!

only later on did i understand what he meant
as when i came into aa i was beat i had no more fight left in me with the booze i had given in
were as he hadn't lost like i had so for me accepting being an alcoholic was easy for me and not for him, and many other who never lost it all they have to try to imagine they could of lost it all if they carried on and there is a huge difference in terms of acceptance

so i now agree with him i had it easy

LBrain

Hello Howard. Welcome to the forum. I too am one of those rare people who found it pretty easy to get over alcohol. Until I started drinking the heavy stuff, I thought I didn't need it. Then I found myself waking up in the morning and having a pull of vodka before I made coffee. Once I quit, my "cravings" or "triggers" were situational or event related, such as performing tasks that I would have normally drank beer while performing. Yard work, "man stuff" (golf, fishing, carpentry, watching football,etc.) are things I always drank beer while engaging in. I had to be mindful of my "urge" to want a beer at the beginning of sobriety.

I never had what are commonly called cravings. I didn't go out of my mind thinking about how I was going to get through a day without a drink. I didn't plot to have a drink. I just realized I could no longer drink.

It took a life changing event for me to come to this realization, that I could no longer drink. And I basically quit drinking that day. I was able to place myself in situations or in the presence of people drinking at parties, bars and such without wanting or needing to drink. For most alcoholics this can be very challenging to their ability to abstain from drinking. After a couple months the silly notion that I may be able to drink responsibly again crossed my mind on occasion. But I simply reminded myself that drinking basically ruined my life and it would be stupid for me to drink. That's where I stand today.

Can I have a couple beers once in a while? Maybe. But, probably not. There is too much anecdotal evidence from far too many people who have attempted this and who have gone back to "needing" alcohol again. The change could be gradual or immediate. But from everything I read about it, and heard from people at AA meetings, it is not worth the risk for me.

I am almost 8 months without a drink. I no longer even consider having a drink. I can enjoy life and do everything I used to do without the drink. And enjoy it as much if not more than when I drank. It is amazing being able to recall the simplest details of a sporting event or the hours and minutes of the previous day, week, month. As much as I thought I was having a good time, I was really just altering my mind and ego in that moment (when getting drunk).

I suggest you study this further by reading the many sub-forums provided here on SR. Read through the sticky notes. Do a search by using the keyword 'relapse' and discover how many thought they could have just one or two who ended up full blown active alcoholics in short order.

I for one do not want to gamble my life on the idea that I can have the occasional beer or two. And I don't need to experiment finding out for myself. Others have done that for me.

Good Luck. Please read as much as you can. Go to an AA meeting for a week or two. Listen and you will hear stories from people who had similar circumstances as yours, thinking they could "moderate" their drinking. I took the rational approach. And I committed to never drink again and never change my mind. That's it.

Why even risk it?