Twist of fate??
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Twist of fate??
Today was the day I was supposed to be on a plane to start my new life. I was excited and looking forward to it. But the other day I broke a tooth on some hard candy and want my dentist here to fix it so I postponed my flight.
Now, I have been no contact with my husband despite his efforts to reach me. I refused to acknowledge his attempts. I just kept working on me. I was really doing some hard and painful work with my therapist. I have been feeling great, happy and healthy despite the many setbacks I kept having.
Well today, as I was leaving the dentist, there he was. Pulled up right next to me at a red light. I looked over saw him as he was looking over and seeing me. I think we were both in shock. He motioned me to pull over and I agreed. I really didn't want to leave without letting him know but didn't want to break my no contact either. I kind of thought this was our fate, our last goodbye.
The minute he got out of his car, I knew.....I knew he was clean!! He looked good, was humble and very sweet. I agreed to have lunch with him!
He was very remorseful and I was very strong. I said the many things I had wished I had said a long time ago. He understood. I was glad to hear that he was back in NA with a new sponsor. He was happy to see "the light back in my eyes." He seemed shocked and hurt that I was leaving the state without calling him to let him know but understood too.
During lunch, he thanked me for allowing him to "fall." And fall he has!! He was open, honest, apologetic, and appreciative that I would even talk to him again. Saying goodbye was so hard! As I drove away, I could barely breathe. (All My Love by Led Zepplin - one of favorites started to play on the radio). The one thing I know now is that I am happy he is clean for himself and not just for me....which is where I started when I first joined here.
As I sit here tonight, I couldn't help wonder.......what would have happened had I left him sooner? Did I help keep him sick? Was I in God's way? Then i realized that I will never know, it is what it is, and I can't change a thing. Let it go!!
Lastly, I don't believe in coincidences. Today, IMHO, was a divine intervention. I have no doubt. He asked how he could repair the damage and I said "stay clean, be the man God intended him to be and someday help others." He told me over and over how much he missed me, loved me and how sorry he was. I didn't share my feelings with him. I just couldn't. Although, I did tell him I already forgave him.
But I have to tell you all.....I really miss and love that man!!
Now, I have been no contact with my husband despite his efforts to reach me. I refused to acknowledge his attempts. I just kept working on me. I was really doing some hard and painful work with my therapist. I have been feeling great, happy and healthy despite the many setbacks I kept having.
Well today, as I was leaving the dentist, there he was. Pulled up right next to me at a red light. I looked over saw him as he was looking over and seeing me. I think we were both in shock. He motioned me to pull over and I agreed. I really didn't want to leave without letting him know but didn't want to break my no contact either. I kind of thought this was our fate, our last goodbye.
The minute he got out of his car, I knew.....I knew he was clean!! He looked good, was humble and very sweet. I agreed to have lunch with him!
He was very remorseful and I was very strong. I said the many things I had wished I had said a long time ago. He understood. I was glad to hear that he was back in NA with a new sponsor. He was happy to see "the light back in my eyes." He seemed shocked and hurt that I was leaving the state without calling him to let him know but understood too.
During lunch, he thanked me for allowing him to "fall." And fall he has!! He was open, honest, apologetic, and appreciative that I would even talk to him again. Saying goodbye was so hard! As I drove away, I could barely breathe. (All My Love by Led Zepplin - one of favorites started to play on the radio). The one thing I know now is that I am happy he is clean for himself and not just for me....which is where I started when I first joined here.
As I sit here tonight, I couldn't help wonder.......what would have happened had I left him sooner? Did I help keep him sick? Was I in God's way? Then i realized that I will never know, it is what it is, and I can't change a thing. Let it go!!
Lastly, I don't believe in coincidences. Today, IMHO, was a divine intervention. I have no doubt. He asked how he could repair the damage and I said "stay clean, be the man God intended him to be and someday help others." He told me over and over how much he missed me, loved me and how sorry he was. I didn't share my feelings with him. I just couldn't. Although, I did tell him I already forgave him.
But I have to tell you all.....I really miss and love that man!!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Everything happens in God's time, LMN, your time has never had anything to do with it.
Was it coincidence that you broke your tooth, went to the dentist and the timing was perfect to sit next to him at a red light and find some kind of closure? Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous.
Today is better than yesterday. Tomorrow holds wonderful new blessings for you.
One day at a time is all we get, so embrace the day and find the joy that comes with each sunrise.
Hugs and Hugs
Was it coincidence that you broke your tooth, went to the dentist and the timing was perfect to sit next to him at a red light and find some kind of closure? Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous.
Today is better than yesterday. Tomorrow holds wonderful new blessings for you.
One day at a time is all we get, so embrace the day and find the joy that comes with each sunrise.
Hugs and Hugs
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
As a Zeppelin freak, here's a bit of trivia for you.
"All My Love" is Robert Plant's tribute to his son, Karac. Karac died at age 5 of a virus during the last leg of Zeppelin's 1977 US tour. The rest of the tour was immediately cancelled, and Zeppelin spent the rest of 1977 and most of 1978 on hiatus. And by Plant's own admission, he hasn't recovered from his son's passing. Nor has his family.
There is a sequel of sorts to "All My Love" called "I Believe", which came out on Plant's album Fate of Nations.
As far as your husband goes, LMN...believe his actions, not his words.
"All My Love" is Robert Plant's tribute to his son, Karac. Karac died at age 5 of a virus during the last leg of Zeppelin's 1977 US tour. The rest of the tour was immediately cancelled, and Zeppelin spent the rest of 1977 and most of 1978 on hiatus. And by Plant's own admission, he hasn't recovered from his son's passing. Nor has his family.
There is a sequel of sorts to "All My Love" called "I Believe", which came out on Plant's album Fate of Nations.
As far as your husband goes, LMN...believe his actions, not his words.
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
I woke up this morning - thinking - what were the odds I would run into him this way? How surreal.
I won't deny that it really has me thinking about him way too again. It was nice to see his beautiful eyes with full pupils. Funny part, my mouth was still all numb and I was probably drooling as we talked. Lol. Oh well. What's a little drool amongst "friends."
I won't deny that it really has me thinking about him way too again. It was nice to see his beautiful eyes with full pupils. Funny part, my mouth was still all numb and I was probably drooling as we talked. Lol. Oh well. What's a little drool amongst "friends."
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Blame your drool on lip gloss gone wrong...that's what I do.
And I agree with Zoso, before you give this a lot of thought, remorse, "feelings", maybe let time tell you more. Learn from the past, sweetie, and give it all time. Meanwhile keep taking care of you. You are doing well, even if you do drool.
Hugs
And I agree with Zoso, before you give this a lot of thought, remorse, "feelings", maybe let time tell you more. Learn from the past, sweetie, and give it all time. Meanwhile keep taking care of you. You are doing well, even if you do drool.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
long ago i had a bestest buddy drinking partner dancing partner gay male hairdresser "best friend" - we had a tangled mess of a "relationship" as can happen between gay men and their female worshipers. i believed myself IN LOVE with him. for a long long time.
then hank came along. and the "friend" was p!ssed, jealous and would have nothing to do with him. told me he'd RUIN my life. so our friendship came to an aprubt halt.
when hank and i were moving out of the lake burien house and down to redondo, i had the baja and was loading stuff up. one of the items was this crap entertainment center that was about to collapse and i was headed off the goodwill. it was the former best friend who GAVE me that piece of junk which i of course ADORED as if it were worth thousands of dollars.
so i struggle this wobbly useless thing up into the back of the baja, tie everything down and pull out into the street. WHO do you suppose is walking across the street right in front me heading into a bar????? not more than 2 blocks from the house we were leaving, in a part of town you could not have paid him to be in. as i'm about to take the very last thing i have that is connected to him to the donation heap.
my heart damn near thudded out of my chest, but i kept my eyes ahead and drove on.
was it coincidence? not sure, but it was awfully poetic in a way.
here's the thing LMN....even if you had got on the scheduled flght and "missed" the encounter, he'd still be "clean" now. it was happening without your being privvy to it. and it may or may not last. his path has its own course....just as yours does. all things happen in due course....in their own way at their own time.
hope your tooth feels better!!! owie!
then hank came along. and the "friend" was p!ssed, jealous and would have nothing to do with him. told me he'd RUIN my life. so our friendship came to an aprubt halt.
when hank and i were moving out of the lake burien house and down to redondo, i had the baja and was loading stuff up. one of the items was this crap entertainment center that was about to collapse and i was headed off the goodwill. it was the former best friend who GAVE me that piece of junk which i of course ADORED as if it were worth thousands of dollars.
so i struggle this wobbly useless thing up into the back of the baja, tie everything down and pull out into the street. WHO do you suppose is walking across the street right in front me heading into a bar????? not more than 2 blocks from the house we were leaving, in a part of town you could not have paid him to be in. as i'm about to take the very last thing i have that is connected to him to the donation heap.
my heart damn near thudded out of my chest, but i kept my eyes ahead and drove on.
was it coincidence? not sure, but it was awfully poetic in a way.
here's the thing LMN....even if you had got on the scheduled flght and "missed" the encounter, he'd still be "clean" now. it was happening without your being privvy to it. and it may or may not last. his path has its own course....just as yours does. all things happen in due course....in their own way at their own time.
hope your tooth feels better!!! owie!
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
LMN...
I've been thinking about this this afternoon:
And I suppose that's one way one could look at it. There are other ways. And here's mine.
The only reason why this "intervention" could be considered "divine" is because it reaffirms in your mind what your heart really wants: a contrite, remorseful husband that hits all the right notes in just the right way. And that's exactly what he did. When I read this story, I didn't see divine intervention at work. What I saw was a fork in the road, one you didn't expect to see but did. After all, God gave us the gift of free will. And what has your husband consistently done with that gift? How much pain has he caused? More to the point, what are you going to do with that gift? In my view, seeing your husband is akin to seeing an 18 wheeler coming straight at you at warp speed from a distance, and it's getting closer. Do you get out of the way, or do you stay where you are and let it hit you?
We're all adults here, and if there's one thing that I've learned in 2 1/2 years being here at SR, it's that people make their own decisions, for good or for ill. That's God's gift of free will. Some people make decisions while in denial about what they're really up against. Others make decisions despite overwhelming evidence that the addict will not change. And then there's people who throw down a hard boundary and hold firm despite whatever emotional discomfort they experience. Your choices, LMN, are your choices. Don't let yer heart hijack yer head.
Respectfully,
I've been thinking about this this afternoon:
Today, IMHO, was a divine intervention.
The only reason why this "intervention" could be considered "divine" is because it reaffirms in your mind what your heart really wants: a contrite, remorseful husband that hits all the right notes in just the right way. And that's exactly what he did. When I read this story, I didn't see divine intervention at work. What I saw was a fork in the road, one you didn't expect to see but did. After all, God gave us the gift of free will. And what has your husband consistently done with that gift? How much pain has he caused? More to the point, what are you going to do with that gift? In my view, seeing your husband is akin to seeing an 18 wheeler coming straight at you at warp speed from a distance, and it's getting closer. Do you get out of the way, or do you stay where you are and let it hit you?
We're all adults here, and if there's one thing that I've learned in 2 1/2 years being here at SR, it's that people make their own decisions, for good or for ill. That's God's gift of free will. Some people make decisions while in denial about what they're really up against. Others make decisions despite overwhelming evidence that the addict will not change. And then there's people who throw down a hard boundary and hold firm despite whatever emotional discomfort they experience. Your choices, LMN, are your choices. Don't let yer heart hijack yer head.
Respectfully,
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
I read this about a year ago and saved it because it spoke to me. I have a tendency to receive heaven sent gifts and try to make more out of them:
Sometimes the Lord gives us moments, for the moment alone, and not for what we think we should do with the moment.
LMN, hang onto the joy, the gift, and go about your life knowing you've been blessed 
Sometimes the Lord gives us moments, for the moment alone, and not for what we think we should do with the moment.
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII 
here's the thing LMN....even if you had got on the scheduled flght and "missed" the encounter, he'd still be "clean" now. it was happening without your being privvy to it.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I didn't share my feelings with him. I just couldn't. Although, I did tell him I already forgave him.
Sometimes an encounter is just an encounter...sometimes it is the wrap up before new beginnings.
Whatever it is for you, LMN, I have a feeling that you are a better and happier person because it happened.
Hugs
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Here is the thing.....I am glad I saw him. I am glad we were able to talk like 2 adults who shared so much and will always love each other. I don't like ending things in a bad way. I am glad he was clean and I pray he stays that way but as most of us know - it's his choice. I have my own.
Although this whole experience has been very painful, today.....I choose to find the blessings and there were many. I don't want to be bitter and angry. I don't want to have a hardened heart either. I accept that I caused a lot of my own pain too. I know I can not move forward without healing my past. I believe God knows my heart and HE gave me that opportunity. And for that, I am thankful.
Although this whole experience has been very painful, today.....I choose to find the blessings and there were many. I don't want to be bitter and angry. I don't want to have a hardened heart either. I accept that I caused a lot of my own pain too. I know I can not move forward without healing my past. I believe God knows my heart and HE gave me that opportunity. And for that, I am thankful.
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by Ann
I hear your peace and your recovery in your words, LMN.
I am glad you had this encounter too, I think it was a good thing for each of you.
I am glad you had this encounter too, I think it was a good thing for each of you.
It is what is and will be what it will be. Those are my profound words for the day.
Ps. Oh and yesterday was the anniversary of our very first date too. He remembered, I didn't.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
Fate ... just life doing its thing. I am a big believer that there is so much more going on than we ever realize.
And you have come full circle it seems, how fitting the end, closure on the day of your first date. Maybe the encounter was just to allow you to leave with better thoughts in your head than him out there lost within his addiction. I do think by now you understand that recovery in the moment doesn’t mean one won’t be lead back. Hell he has proven that hasn’t he
Have a safe trip and enjoy all the good things to come with this new chapter in your life.
I am excited for you!
Don’t miss a thing.
And you have come full circle it seems, how fitting the end, closure on the day of your first date. Maybe the encounter was just to allow you to leave with better thoughts in your head than him out there lost within his addiction. I do think by now you understand that recovery in the moment doesn’t mean one won’t be lead back. Hell he has proven that hasn’t he
Have a safe trip and enjoy all the good things to come with this new chapter in your life.
I am excited for you!
Don’t miss a thing.
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