Feeling strong!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 154
Feeling strong!
Setting boundaries is really tough for me, and what's worse is making sure I am not just making an empty threat (years of experience there!). But today, I totally stood up for myself and it felt so so good! Wanted to share!
I've been cleaning out the garage and informed my A that I would be throwing away these old, dirty cushions he had bought before I met him for his kids and that have been rotting and playing host to mice in the garage for a decade. For whatever reason, he picked a fight with me about not wanting to throw them away and getting them reupholstered (for what?!). I told him he would never actually do this, and that I wanted to throw them away. He said,
"If you throw them out, I'll throw you out."
Enraged, I stormed away and took a shower, him shouting after me. When I got out of the shower, I confronted him in his office. What I said was:
"It is unfair that you chose to win an argument by threatening my security. It is controlling, emotionally abusive, and a clear power play. The only thing that I could throw out that merits the response 'I'll throw you out' is your children."
When he started to begin arguing, I said simply, "This is a boundary. This is not an argument. I have nothing else to say to you. You can respect it or not, your choice. But I won't stand for that behavior." And I left the room.
And guess what?? An hour later, he walked up and said that he respects my boundary, and thinks it is fair, and that he loves me.
Hallelujah!
I've been cleaning out the garage and informed my A that I would be throwing away these old, dirty cushions he had bought before I met him for his kids and that have been rotting and playing host to mice in the garage for a decade. For whatever reason, he picked a fight with me about not wanting to throw them away and getting them reupholstered (for what?!). I told him he would never actually do this, and that I wanted to throw them away. He said,
"If you throw them out, I'll throw you out."
Enraged, I stormed away and took a shower, him shouting after me. When I got out of the shower, I confronted him in his office. What I said was:
"It is unfair that you chose to win an argument by threatening my security. It is controlling, emotionally abusive, and a clear power play. The only thing that I could throw out that merits the response 'I'll throw you out' is your children."
When he started to begin arguing, I said simply, "This is a boundary. This is not an argument. I have nothing else to say to you. You can respect it or not, your choice. But I won't stand for that behavior." And I left the room.
And guess what?? An hour later, he walked up and said that he respects my boundary, and thinks it is fair, and that he loves me.
Hallelujah!
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: My mind wanders a lot, but I try to stay in the present.
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Fantastic! Everything from you walking away to diffuse the situation, to the words you chose when you decided to confront him. I love it. I could have used this as a primer years ago.
So...... what ever happened to the cushions?
So...... what ever happened to the cushions?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 154
Originally Posted by SeriousKarma 
Fantastic! Everything from you walking away to diffuse the situation, to the words you chose when you decided to confront him. I love it. I could have used this as a primer years ago.
So...... what ever happened to the cushions?
So...... what ever happened to the cushions?
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