Lola23

So I just decided (as in...right this moment) that I'm going to skip the birthday dinner tomorrow night even though I've already responded yes to the invite. I feel really awful about cancelling at the last minute mostly b/c I think...what if it were me and everyone ended up cancelling on my bday? Wouldn't that make me feel awful?? So why is it ok to do that to someone else?

I just don't want the stress of being around all the alcohol and I think it's still so early for me. Also, ever since this last week after starting Day 1 again, I've been SO TIRED every night after work.

Anyways, just wanted to post to get it out there. I'm not happy that I have to turn down invitations when the alternative is sitting here at home alone, but I think its the best thing for now.

Anna

You made the choice that makes the most sense for you, taking care of yourself.

doggonecarl

I assume you are one of a number of people who were invited? So, let's say you sent a dozen invites out and one person cancelled. Would that really make you feel awful? Or would you be focusing on your celebration and the people that did come?

I would guess the latter. Same as the person who invited you is doing. You did right to protect your sobriety.

Ruby2

Don't second guess your decision to not go. If you aren't comfortable going, would you have been able to fully engage and have fun at the party? Or would you have taken a drink if offered? And sitting at home with no plans for me would hands down be preferable to going, being uncomfortable and starting to drink over it. And then feeling miserable and sick all the next day or two.

When I first quit I was tired at the end of the day. It passed. Your body is still adjusting. You will regain more energy.

AlcoholFree66

Hi Lola - well done for making the choice to look after yourself!

PurpleKnight

You gotta do what you gotta do to protect your Sobriety!!

Lola23

Well so I stuck with my decision and I'm here at home skipping the party. I still feel bad though...even though I know its the right thing for ME. I sent the email this morning saying I couldn't make it, and my friend was nice (b/c she's a nice person) but I could tell she was bothered/annoyed/disapppointed.

Someone asked whether I would feel bad if 1 out of 12 people cancelled. Well no...but what if I'm one out of 6 people people invited and the 5 other people cancelled the day of? Ugh. I would feel awful, wouldn't you??

Well the lesson learned here I think is to have politely declined the party invitation up front, and then maybe asked if she would want to get lunch, coffee, and/or dessert some other time. Or even a one on one dinner...since I am totally fine not drinking at dinner with a small group.

I'm still learning my limits. Thanks for listening guys.

Nuudawn

I think there is something to an "honourable" decline. A friend of mine texted another friend of mine..a last minute cancellation. I THINK it may have been due to early sobriety also (which is what I said to the birthday girl).

Early sobriety, doesn't mean we shouldn't have manners. I think if you send her a lovely card or take her for lunch or simply "honour" her birthday in someone way..make her feel special.

Job done. Isn't that what we really want from our birthday? Don't we just sorta want to feel "special" ..have someone acknowledge our existence..like we matter

Gronk

I think you hit the ball out of the park. avoided the bad situation and learned how to better deal with it in the future.

Venecia

I think that exemplifies the kind of smart thinking that helps us move from early sobriety into a more strongly held recovery.

Good choice, Lola. There will be more celebrations. You can be there next year for your friend's birthday, stronger and feeling greater confidence.

least

I think you did the smart thing.

ReadyAtLast

Not going is the right thing to do. Putting yourself and your sobriety first is critical. Please don't feel bad.