Hello. An intro and questions about my recent first AA session.
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Hello. An intro and questions about my recent first AA session. About Me
Hi all. Thanks for clicking in. I drink too much. I'm in my mid thirties, and growing up, I never touched the stuff. I knew I had alcoholics on both sides of the family, so I stayed away. I got my own apartment in my mid twenties, and had a great job where the culture of the industry had a history of "wining and dining" clients. I drank a little to schmooze. I drank a little to de-stress. Rarely. At this point, I wouldn't say I had a problem - even a relationship with alcohol. But my moral limit for how much to consume in a given period was widening.
Then within a six week span, I lost my girlfriend, best friend, roommate (the last two were the same person. Oh, and I mean lost from my life, not that they died or anything), apartment, computer (actually, my computer is my real best friend. I'm a geek), job (I quit), cell phone and car. It was like the "Day of Reckoning" space in that board game, the Game of Life. That was over three years ago. It's also the last time I went a day without a drink. I made a conscious decision to crawl into the bottle. Life's pain was too much. But it was supposed to be a vacation. A time out. Like a splint to help a broken leg mend, and then be cast off. I knew there were risks, and I knew this doesn't work for alot of people, but I thought I could do it.
Eventually, I was supposed to feel refreshed, and ready to get back out there and retake the direction and control of my life that events had ripped away. Obviously, if I'm writing here, I was wrong.
I'm still the kind of drinker that can go to a party or a bar, have one beer, and not be tempted to have any more. I don't really get cravings. I do have a problem with using booze as a stress/frustration release valve, and that's gotta stop. Also, it's going to be a real struggle relearning how to get to sleep without a buzz, as even before I started drinking, nighttime is when my mind goes into hyperspeed - either with worries or with creativity and wonder.
Anyway, I knew I had a problem I needed help with not because I hurt someone, or acted like a fool. After an argument with a friend (which definitely would have happened without booze, and I feel I handled myself appropriately - I was so mad, I actually stopped drinking before I confronted this friend, to make sure I wasn't being irrational) I started having anxiety issues. Thinking about any potential frustration - not an actual bad thing, a hypothetical one - would leaving me short of breath. At work (where at this point, I had not drank at. Drunk at. Whatever), the time gap between my nightcap and happy hour was too small. I would feel an sudden and intense wave of stress and a falling feeling. I couldn't concentrate at work. And I kinda like my new job and new bosses, and didn't want my performance to suffer. When they smelled booze on my breathe, I was beyond embarrassed. I was ashamed. Anyway, they were lenient, and let me off with a warning.
I'm closing off the "biography" portion of this post with this last point. Depression and Alcohol abuse go hand in hand. Currently, there is no doubt I'm depressed. But one night something occurred to me. I knew my bad days far exceeded my good days, but I did the math. My childhood was good, there were semesters in college where I was enjoying life, and a few blissful months in love. But other than thatm because of my family life, or a crappy economy, or being unable to get a date for long stretches of time.... everything else was a period of unhappiness at best. If not misery. If not clinical depression.
Counting my childhood I've been "not unhappy" for 48% of my life. Not counting my childhood, 8%. It's not like I was in an inexplicable bad mood. I always knew the reasons, and they varied wildly and were perfectly understandable. Sometimes it's my own mistakes and failures. More often though, it's just life dealing me improbably bad hands, over and over and over again. I don't expect a life to be all sunshine and rainbows. I don't expect a blissful life that's simply handed to me. I know no one ever said life was fair. But at some point, a guy has gotta catch a break, and for most of my life, I so rarely do. Even though I am upset with myself for letting things get this bad, when I look back, part of me thinks it's a wonder I didn't start drinking earlier. The point is, if one defines depression as a dark mood that isn't always brought on by a logical, definable reason.... then I don't have that. There is always a reason. I would still love to be back on Zoloft tho (needed it briefly in college)
The AA part
Anyway, I went to my first AA meeting yesterday. I'd hate to say it, but I was expecting it to be as jam packed as it was. Some things I heard applied to my struggle. Some didn't. It was a good atmosphere. Afterwards, I introduced myself to the host? Leader? I dunno. He was a nice guy. Very young. One of the main reasons I went is because I know I need a doctor, but I want one familiar with recovery, and could prescribe the right drug for my needs.
I was very disappointed when he suggested medical detox right off the bat. I don't know how bad my withdrawal is going to be, and I acknowledge it may be necessary. But to start off with it? Kinda seems like using a broadsword where a scalpel might do. I mean, I never told him how long I was drinking. I shouldn't even try finding the right doctor with the right meds first?
If I can beat this myself (under guidance of a doctor. By the way, I'm going to open a thread about doctors in a little while to follow up on that), I think I would feel victorious, and redeemed, and I could really really use that, I haven't felt good about myself in a while. And I know I have enough fight in me to do it (unlike most things).
His proposed solution made me feel lumped in with all the rest, a "generic" alcoholic. If you've been to AA, did you feel early on that some of the advice wasn't right for you?
Thanks for reading.
Hi all. Thanks for clicking in. I drink too much. I'm in my mid thirties, and growing up, I never touched the stuff. I knew I had alcoholics on both sides of the family, so I stayed away. I got my own apartment in my mid twenties, and had a great job where the culture of the industry had a history of "wining and dining" clients. I drank a little to schmooze. I drank a little to de-stress. Rarely. At this point, I wouldn't say I had a problem - even a relationship with alcohol. But my moral limit for how much to consume in a given period was widening.
Then within a six week span, I lost my girlfriend, best friend, roommate (the last two were the same person. Oh, and I mean lost from my life, not that they died or anything), apartment, computer (actually, my computer is my real best friend. I'm a geek), job (I quit), cell phone and car. It was like the "Day of Reckoning" space in that board game, the Game of Life. That was over three years ago. It's also the last time I went a day without a drink. I made a conscious decision to crawl into the bottle. Life's pain was too much. But it was supposed to be a vacation. A time out. Like a splint to help a broken leg mend, and then be cast off. I knew there were risks, and I knew this doesn't work for alot of people, but I thought I could do it.
Eventually, I was supposed to feel refreshed, and ready to get back out there and retake the direction and control of my life that events had ripped away. Obviously, if I'm writing here, I was wrong.
I'm still the kind of drinker that can go to a party or a bar, have one beer, and not be tempted to have any more. I don't really get cravings. I do have a problem with using booze as a stress/frustration release valve, and that's gotta stop. Also, it's going to be a real struggle relearning how to get to sleep without a buzz, as even before I started drinking, nighttime is when my mind goes into hyperspeed - either with worries or with creativity and wonder.
Anyway, I knew I had a problem I needed help with not because I hurt someone, or acted like a fool. After an argument with a friend (which definitely would have happened without booze, and I feel I handled myself appropriately - I was so mad, I actually stopped drinking before I confronted this friend, to make sure I wasn't being irrational) I started having anxiety issues. Thinking about any potential frustration - not an actual bad thing, a hypothetical one - would leaving me short of breath. At work (where at this point, I had not drank at. Drunk at. Whatever), the time gap between my nightcap and happy hour was too small. I would feel an sudden and intense wave of stress and a falling feeling. I couldn't concentrate at work. And I kinda like my new job and new bosses, and didn't want my performance to suffer. When they smelled booze on my breathe, I was beyond embarrassed. I was ashamed. Anyway, they were lenient, and let me off with a warning.
I'm closing off the "biography" portion of this post with this last point. Depression and Alcohol abuse go hand in hand. Currently, there is no doubt I'm depressed. But one night something occurred to me. I knew my bad days far exceeded my good days, but I did the math. My childhood was good, there were semesters in college where I was enjoying life, and a few blissful months in love. But other than thatm because of my family life, or a crappy economy, or being unable to get a date for long stretches of time.... everything else was a period of unhappiness at best. If not misery. If not clinical depression.
Counting my childhood I've been "not unhappy" for 48% of my life. Not counting my childhood, 8%. It's not like I was in an inexplicable bad mood. I always knew the reasons, and they varied wildly and were perfectly understandable. Sometimes it's my own mistakes and failures. More often though, it's just life dealing me improbably bad hands, over and over and over again. I don't expect a life to be all sunshine and rainbows. I don't expect a blissful life that's simply handed to me. I know no one ever said life was fair. But at some point, a guy has gotta catch a break, and for most of my life, I so rarely do. Even though I am upset with myself for letting things get this bad, when I look back, part of me thinks it's a wonder I didn't start drinking earlier. The point is, if one defines depression as a dark mood that isn't always brought on by a logical, definable reason.... then I don't have that. There is always a reason. I would still love to be back on Zoloft tho (needed it briefly in college)
The AA part
Anyway, I went to my first AA meeting yesterday. I'd hate to say it, but I was expecting it to be as jam packed as it was. Some things I heard applied to my struggle. Some didn't. It was a good atmosphere. Afterwards, I introduced myself to the host? Leader? I dunno. He was a nice guy. Very young. One of the main reasons I went is because I know I need a doctor, but I want one familiar with recovery, and could prescribe the right drug for my needs.
I was very disappointed when he suggested medical detox right off the bat. I don't know how bad my withdrawal is going to be, and I acknowledge it may be necessary. But to start off with it? Kinda seems like using a broadsword where a scalpel might do. I mean, I never told him how long I was drinking. I shouldn't even try finding the right doctor with the right meds first?
If I can beat this myself (under guidance of a doctor. By the way, I'm going to open a thread about doctors in a little while to follow up on that), I think I would feel victorious, and redeemed, and I could really really use that, I haven't felt good about myself in a while. And I know I have enough fight in me to do it (unlike most things).
His proposed solution made me feel lumped in with all the rest, a "generic" alcoholic. If you've been to AA, did you feel early on that some of the advice wasn't right for you?
Thanks for reading.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,962
was the guy a doctor who checked you out?
if not, it was just an opinion of one alcoholic trying to help another. Maybe he sensed something....otherwise he's going by previous experience, we alcoholics usually minimize the amount and duration of our drinking.
Go to a doctor and find out directly from the medical professional! and prepare for advice from members of AA, but listen to their experiences
relate in, don't relate out to what doesn't apply to you, we all have our own unique stories.
if not, it was just an opinion of one alcoholic trying to help another. Maybe he sensed something....otherwise he's going by previous experience, we alcoholics usually minimize the amount and duration of our drinking.
Go to a doctor and find out directly from the medical professional! and prepare for advice from members of AA, but listen to their experiences
relate in, don't relate out to what doesn't apply to you, we all have our own unique stories.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi and welcome. This AA person probably is correct in advising a medical checkup. People in AA or here are not informed enough to give medical advice.
What ever you do in handling your situation by yourself good luck and if it does not work out then you may be ready to not self fix.
By the way I recently heard medical schools spend around 5 hours on addiction and if we are alcoholics we are far better off with experienced people like here or AA.
I’m not speaking of medication.
BE WELL
What ever you do in handling your situation by yourself good luck and if it does not work out then you may be ready to not self fix.
By the way I recently heard medical schools spend around 5 hours on addiction and if we are alcoholics we are far better off with experienced people like here or AA.
I’m not speaking of medication.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
By the way.
"If you've been to AA, did you feel early on that some of the advice wasn't right for you?"
Yes most of us were in denial and were unable to be honest about our own drinking. I finally did when my pain was bad enough because I don’t suffer well. At that point life slowly got better to the point I'm comfortable in my own skin most of the time now.
BE WELL
"If you've been to AA, did you feel early on that some of the advice wasn't right for you?"
Yes most of us were in denial and were unable to be honest about our own drinking. I finally did when my pain was bad enough because I don’t suffer well. At that point life slowly got better to the point I'm comfortable in my own skin most of the time now.
BE WELL
Member
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: NY
Posts: 33
Originally Posted by IOAA2 
By the way.
"If you've been to AA, did you feel early on that some of the advice wasn't right for you?"
Yes most of us were in denial and were unable to be honest about our own drinking. I finally did when my pain was bad enough because I don’t suffer well. At that point life slowly got better to the point I'm comfortable in my own skin most of the time now.
BE WELL
"If you've been to AA, did you feel early on that some of the advice wasn't right for you?"
Yes most of us were in denial and were unable to be honest about our own drinking. I finally did when my pain was bad enough because I don’t suffer well. At that point life slowly got better to the point I'm comfortable in my own skin most of the time now.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
welcome.
from what you have described, I think you're making a wise choice.
As for AA - it 'wasn't for me' ten years, two marriages and a second DUI ago.
The more I've gone back, the more "for me" I realize it to be.
It is a powerful tool in supporting my choice of sobriety. I don't see eye to eye with everyone or fully understand or sometimes accept all of the program - but I am WILLING to learn from the program.... and I am willing to allow room in my life for a power greater than myself.... and that has made a huge difference.
from what you have described, I think you're making a wise choice.
As for AA - it 'wasn't for me' ten years, two marriages and a second DUI ago.
The more I've gone back, the more "for me" I realize it to be.
It is a powerful tool in supporting my choice of sobriety. I don't see eye to eye with everyone or fully understand or sometimes accept all of the program - but I am WILLING to learn from the program.... and I am willing to allow room in my life for a power greater than myself.... and that has made a huge difference.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
Detox was just a suggestion from one person who's been there. You don't have to overanalyze why he suggested it. Do what's right for you--I think seeing a doctor is an excellent start on the road to sobriety. Keep trying meetings even if you think AA is not for you. The support of other people helps immensely.
Hang in there. You can do this!
Hang in there. You can do this!
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
AA is not necessary for sobriety, most folks get sober without it. Seeing a Dr., on the other hand, is always indicated. Alcohol withdrawal is a medical issue, and I would not accept a layman's opinion on any medical issue. Talk to a doctor.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
'most folks get sober without it' strikes me as an irresponsible thing to say.
More accurate would be "many folks cannot successfully choose sobriety without some form of support and a program. AA is one that seems to work for a lot of people when they really commit to it. There are other programs out there as well."
More accurate would be "many folks cannot successfully choose sobriety without some form of support and a program. AA is one that seems to work for a lot of people when they really commit to it. There are other programs out there as well."
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Augusta, GA
Posts: 888
Alcohol withdraws can be fatal! I'm thinking the guy may have been suggesting being safe rather than sorry. Even if you need medical attention in order to get started in your recovery that doesn't mean YOU didn't do it! YOU still have to make the choice to stop and get help. Besides, not many of us have been able to do this on our own. Just relax and breath, you'll be okay.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
FreeOwl, what you said about 'many' may be true, but unquantifiable. I was relating an absolute truth that is not open to debate. It seems to be poorly and rarely appreciated. I don't believe that attempting to publicize this, even in this venue, is irresponsible.
The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism of the National Institutes of Health, performed the 2001-2002 National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions. For it, they interviewed over 43,000 people. Using the criteria for alcohol dependence found in the DSM-IV, they found:
"About 75 percent of persons who recover from alcohol dependence do so without seeking any kind of help, including specialty alcohol (rehab) programs and AA. Only 13 percent of people with alcohol dependence ever receive specialty alcohol treatment."
"About 75 percent of persons who recover from alcohol dependence do so without seeking any kind of help, including specialty alcohol (rehab) programs and AA. Only 13 percent of people with alcohol dependence ever receive specialty alcohol treatment."
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
alcohol dependence is not necessarily the same thing as alcoholism.
presenting statements like this in a newcomer's forum and potentially discouraging someone who truly needs help from seeking it is irresponsible.
presenting statements as "absolute truth" is not just irresponsible, it is utterly incorrect. One study or statistic does not make an 'absolute truth'.
a self-reporting survey over a limited number of people for a small timespan in no way supports your statment.
The intent of this forum is to provide support, strength, hope and a place to turn for those who struggle with addiction. What you're asserting is not helpful to that intent.
presenting statements like this in a newcomer's forum and potentially discouraging someone who truly needs help from seeking it is irresponsible.
presenting statements as "absolute truth" is not just irresponsible, it is utterly incorrect. One study or statistic does not make an 'absolute truth'.
a self-reporting survey over a limited number of people for a small timespan in no way supports your statment.
The intent of this forum is to provide support, strength, hope and a place to turn for those who struggle with addiction. What you're asserting is not helpful to that intent.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Originally Posted by freshstart57
AA is not necessary for sobriety, most folks get sober without it.
Hi. That MAY be true. I’ve been to about 15,000 meetings and continue to go and have not met anyone who was ever interviewed about their drinking, not saying it never happens. How can anyone be interviewed that posts here FOR example? Maybe they wait for AA conventions. I just don’t know how a near accurate number can possibly be established.
MAYBE most folks get sober without it. Would that be for 1 day or a week or month? To me getting sober is for the long haul—YEARS. Which many don’t seem to have the constitution to handle for many reasons, even a lot in AA. It’s work and this disease does not leave us until we’re looking up at the grass roots.
BE WELL
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
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All I will offer is an anecdote. I struggled with my addiction for years. I was under the impression that the cure for addiction was found in programs, and what little I had gleaned of them , from the outside, kept me from delving any deeper. I resigned myself to the belief that if the programs weren't 'for me' , than unfortunately neither was any 'cure'.
Finding SR and learning about AVRT was the turning point for me. Is there one and only one way? Yes and no , yes in that alcohol consumption ends when alcohol consumption ends, but no in the sense that ,that which makes it possible for individuals to find the resolve to end their addictions may not 'look' the same.
In what way does speaking of divergent paths to the same goal become irresponsible?
Finding SR and learning about AVRT was the turning point for me. Is there one and only one way? Yes and no , yes in that alcohol consumption ends when alcohol consumption ends, but no in the sense that ,that which makes it possible for individuals to find the resolve to end their addictions may not 'look' the same.
In what way does speaking of divergent paths to the same goal become irresponsible?
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Interesting conclusion made from this 'survey' that freshstart references. Notice that the 75% who met the "criteria for alcohol dependence found in the DSM-IV", had never seen a professional (because they did not seek help at the time they were having the problem). This means that they had not received a diagnosis. So where did the 'diagnosis' come from? The 'diagnosis' would need to be retroactive based on descriptions from the individual, and only after the 'condition' had resolved itself. Survey takers giving a retroactive diagnosis are not the same thing as a qualified professionals giving that same diagnosis at the time the problem is present.
That this 'survey' is taken as the "absolute truth" by someone does not mean it is so.
BrodyCrystal4, seek the help you need.
That this 'survey' is taken as the "absolute truth" by someone does not mean it is so.
BrodyCrystal4, seek the help you need.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
You'll find people with all kinds of opinion everywhere Brody - even here
Seeing a Dr is good advice - some are fine, but withdrawal can be troublesome for some of us.
See your Dr and get a professional opinion on what you need
I tell people to see Drs all the time. Some may see that as generic advice or generic solutions or even worse a pat response....but it really comes from my personal experience.I had a really bad last detox, at home alone.
Maybe this guys advice is informed by his experience too?
Seeing a Dr is good advice - some are fine, but withdrawal can be troublesome for some of us.
See your Dr and get a professional opinion on what you need
His proposed solution made me feel lumped in with all the rest, a "generic" alcoholic. If you've been to AA, did you feel early on that some of the advice wasn't right for you?
I tell people to see Drs all the time. Some may see that as generic advice or generic solutions or even worse a pat response....but it really comes from my personal experience.I had a really bad last detox, at home alone.
Maybe this guys advice is informed by his experience too?
Last edited by Dee74; 08-13-2014 at 03:12 PM.
Sober Today
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 779
A lot of people don't go to AA until they hit rock bottom. I'm sure the guy was just trying to help make sure you are safe. Keep in mind AAers are just regular people. I'd talk to a doctor and go from there.
p.s. I did see a professional first and they recommended medical detox which was shocking to me. I thought it was only for skid row drunks. ; )
p.s. I did see a professional first and they recommended medical detox which was shocking to me. I thought it was only for skid row drunks. ; )
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,490
Regardless of the above discussions, OP, thank you for sharing your story in depth. My experience is that I couldn't maintain my sobriety without AA and the support it gives me. As to actually stopping drinking I highly recommend seeing your own doctor for advice and help. Medical detox may in fact be the best thing for you, but I don't think any of us can say for certain in your case.
I wish you the best in your journey, I really do.
I wish you the best in your journey, I really do.
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