GaAs

Hi All.
I am 50 and I accepted that I am an alcoholic 20 years ago. Since then I try to resist.
I can stay sober for 9 - 10 month without big efforts from my side and I start to think that this time I can stay sober all my life.
Then relapse comes. Normally it does not last long - about 3 - 7 days and then step by step I return into the sober state.
I realize that these sobriety periods are credits to give me a chance to change my spiritual life and organize normal relationships with the world around me.
I can't do that.
I attended groups and relapsed when I was doing 11th step, I translated the newest science articles about the subject, I tried other methods but always the period from 9 to 15 mont was fatal for my sobriety.
My current goal is to jump over 5-years barrier.
I did not loose my job and I earn enough to support family. People at work respect me, even those who knows about my problem.

I am sure that my situation is not unique and someone will share his experience with me.

I am 26 days today and I feel that I received my sobriety credit again.
Have a nice day

trachemys

I hope we can help you with that goal. SR(SoberRecovery) is open all hours to give you support.

Angel1555

Hi GaAs, Congratulations on your 27 days and all of the other days and years of sobriety that you have strung together. It really is amazing and you have a lot to be proud of. You are way ahead of me so I am in no position to give advice. Just a pat on the back-you are certainly on the right track!

GracieLou

There is some reason you continue to return to drinking. Only you can know what that is.

I hope you can work through it this time. Keep coming back!

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I wonder if you've dealt with the underlying issues that are the cause of your alcoholism? I know, for me, I had to do a lot of work on myself in order to remain in recovery.

GaAs

Dear All, many thanks for your warm greetings! I am so happy to find support and understanding here!
GracieLou, you are perfectly right. The main reason as I feel is sel-confidense which comes after several month of my sobriety. And I become lazier and lazier to control my emotional state. The point is that these spirits come very very softly and silently at the beginning.
For sure, Anna, I have never stop to move forth.
I search for activities (like translation books related to the alcohol problem) which can keep me in the alarmed status about the beast who can enter my brain if I won't check the lock every day.
And I know that there are many issues which lay deeper than my today's level of understanding.
I am adjusting my relationships with people around me (family, colleagues) because without this I will never be quiet in my soul.
I hope.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum GaAs!! Great to have you here!!

GaAs

Thank you Purpleknight!
I am happy to be here

IOAA2

Hi. We as alcoholics have a multitude of triggers. Some of mine are based on my feelings which included fear, insecurity, anxieties, control issues, depression, loneliness even in a crowd, anger and on and on. Working on them helps keep them subdued but we have to be prepared for one to come to the surface occasionally to be subdued.
This is the reason I often say sobriety is work and it’s ongoing. A helpful source for me is the 10th step daily and sometimes saying often the Serenity Prayer.

BE WELL

GaAs

You know there is one psychological property of my temperament which seems to be important.
Each morning I wake up and I am if not an optimist but an average person at least. But almost each evening I fell depressive in larger or smaller extent.
It follows me since childhood. I spoke about that with doctors but they did not find any disaster and suggested me to take different pills but all them made effect like flogging a dead horse.
These emotional holes surely do not help me in recovery process but I really do not know how to deal with?
This emotional swing passed with me through military duty, through university and honestly I do not believe I ever get rid of it.
I think that some other people have something similar.
It would be interesting to learn what they do?

Have a nice day

GaAs

You are absolutely right. Serenity is a key.

least

Welcome to the family. I hope the support here can help you stop drinking for good.

Thepatman

Welcome to SR!

totfit

Wow, I resemble that remark. My patterns are very similar. Have no issues at all putting months together and then a short term binge. Last in mid-February earned a DUI. Haven't had one of those in 20 year. I consider myself a "bi-polar" drinker. Guess it could be worse for us. I think we will all figure it out if we just keep moving forward.

nigey1

Hi Gaas

I too am a bit up and down and hit a couple walls after one year in.

I had to keep it simple, try not to overthink it and keep trudging on. I found once I was through that patch things evened out.

For people like us I guess the journey isn't a smooth line on a graph there are peaks and troughs for sure.

Remember what Churchill said to do when you are going through hell.

Fly N Buy

For some, relapse is not having admitted to our inner most selves that we were truly alcoholics. It was for me - then, some things transpired which I gratefully accepted as truth.

In the back of my mind, I always had the idea deep down that my sobriety was not forever. I have seen this same insane thought occur in others I know.

Today, I will be sober only by God's grace. Sounds like you understand that part as well. Daily maintenance( morning meditation/growing spiritually ) is a huge part of this. Without it, I would never stand a chance.

Glad you are here!! Keep working on it

Hevyn

Hello GaAs - it's great to meet you.

I think being here with us will really help. I felt so much better knowing I wasn't alone with the struggle. No one in my life really understood what I was going through.

I was over 50 when I knew my drinking years had to end. It was no longer the fun escape from reality that I once thought it was. I was completely dependent on it and I was miserable. It feels so good to be free of it. Glad you joined us.

GaAs

Hi All!
Thank you for comments!
I really like to be with you.
I've noted that in last 2 months I forgot about inmortant things which I had to do daily.
And it is a very big support for me to stay with people who are on the same way as me.
It is nice sunny morning at my place.
Be strong!

God grant me the serenity...

Dee74

Welcome GaAs

I found being a regular participant in this community helped me remember what I was and what drinking could do to me - I hope SR can help you too

D

GaAs

Hi Thepatman!
Thanks for your greetings!
Indeed it seems that I wasted many years of my life by doing regular routine things and thinking that it was my main goal.
While I took care only about sobriety itself to keep afloat with my job and to keep together with my family I did not pay serious and systematic attention to those ways which cod help me to put my brain together and to wake up my soul.

Take care!
A+