Mummfus

My girlfriend whent to rehab for pills I don't do pills or any kind of drug at all don't drink or smoke but my girl friend. Whent to rehab to better her self but she suddenly stop talking to me can anybody answer me we have been together for 3 years. Her parents hate me cause I'm ten yrs older than her But why would she stop calling me I don't understand that part

MythOfSisyphus

Recovery is very complicated, Mummfus. If she's been drinking and doing drugs the whole time you've been together then the clean/sober her is someone you don't know very well. Maybe she's becoming someone she doesn't know either. The first stages of getting sober are a whirlwind; your emotions are running amok and every part of your mind is going haywire.

Sometimes once a person gets sober they're too ashamed of the things they've done drunk or high to face you. She may feel unworthy of your affection. Now bear in mind I don't know you or your situation so this is just generic advice! But sometimes a person that's a drunk or drug user will get involved with someone that takes care of them and that will tolerate their crap. Once they get strong enough they then feel they don't need that relationship any more.

Lastly, lots of times the sober partner doesn't react well to the change. Her getting sober can change the power dynamic of the relationship. A person can resent the change sometimes.

If her addiction was enough that she sought out or was forced into treatment then she's going through a very difficult situation. She might be withdrawing into herself to try to "regroup" and figure out what is going on with her mind.

If she won't talk to you at all there isn't a lot that you can do. You have to decide what you want, independent of what she wants. Then you can decide to give her time and some space. Your other option is to cut your losses and move on. As awful as it is, I think being patient and seeing if she comes around is your best option.

You might want to look into Al-Anon. Also, there's a subforum here for friends and family of addiction. Both are things to check out.

Good luck, Mummfus. I know it's tough, just hang in there.

Eddiebuckle

I agree with MOS. You assume that this has something to do with you, I can only say that my six weeks in rehab were absolutely critical to getting sober. It took a few weeks to get mentally stable enough to deal with family and friends, even for brief visits. Give her the space and time that she needs to get sober. She will reach out to you when she is ready and able.

desypete

how do you mean she has stopped talking to you ?

is she safe would be my concern ? if you have worries about her being safe then call down to the rehab and make sure she is ok, failing that i guess you can always call the police to check she is safe and well ?

like i say i dont understand in what way you mean you can not speak to her ???

PurpleKnight

The priority of rehab is to give her the treatment and care that she needs, so the break in contact could be caused by many reasons!!

Give her the time to sort out her addiction, after that see what happens!!

Mummfus

Thank you to all it helps. After her being in there for 3 months she writes me a confession. Love letter saying how much she really loves me But she also told. Me that if she got couth talking to me she won't be able to talk to me only her dad Me and her been thrue a lot in 3 years I meet her and tried to make her quit but it was very hard all the things she did was cause of her addiction but I was there for here lots of people tell me to move on cause she might think different now but after 3 months she writes me this letter then stops calling me I'll Waite she's going to be there till September 1 then she's out I have never waited for nobody in my life well my ex wife but last thing she told me was please wait for me I live in florida she's in Northern California she whent there only family can visit. But I don't want her to come here to florida pills are to easy to find her parents moved to North Carolina. If I have to I'll move also I know I'm stubborn but the heart tells me not to let go cause she said please wait for me after she was clean for 3 months but if she dosent want anything to do with me after she gets out I'm going to get hurt yea but I'm also ready for that. See my ex wife broke my heart after many years of us being together I loose 30 million in construction. And she leaves me back in 2007 it was very hard for me cryied like a little girl for years but it made me a stronger person I meet her and I feel inlove yea she's 10 years younger but she dosent care well me either lol but I thank you for all your responce if I get hurt at the end you warned me lol

allenmc25

Sometimes to get better people need to remove parts of there lives that remind them of the addiction. Not talking may be what she needs at the moment. I dont know your situation but maybe give her that space? Recovery sucks. .. support her from a distance until she is ready...

Mummfus

If she meet somebody there and like that person she should be honest with me that's all I'm saying. So I can move with my life I wrote her her friends that don't do drugs wrote her she hasent responded to nobody like wtf I payed for the rehab 60,000 like I just want to know what's happend that's it if she like somebody there well fine I'll move on that simple but I deserve. A letter or a call. Her parents won't answer my calls cause like I said I'm 10 years older than her but I just want her to be honest I can't call the place cause they won't let me They give you the run around that's bull **** there ok to take my money but when I want to talk to her there like we can't unless you are a family member like wtf