vttodd

I have not posted in a while but My ex lost everything last Nov after her boyfriend put in the hospital for two weeks and he went to jail. I took her in and let her stay at my house until May 5 when I kicked her out for good. She left to go to a treatment center Feb 1 and came back April 21 She started drinking AGAIN and I could not put up with it. WE did get back together during the time she was here. Well the boyfriend got out of jail in June and they got back together, Guess what? he beat her up again two weeks later. Fast forward They are living in a dump motel she has no job ,still drinking and he works where he can to support the drinking for them. The only things she owns is in trash bags in the hotel room. Its so sad to see what alcohol will do to someone's soul and life. I still care for her and she said she still cares for me but she just cant shake the alcohol. I hope one day she will wake up and get her life together.

ResignedToWait

Do your best to stop feeling sad for her, and find a way to feel happy for yourself!

hopeful4

It's really hard to see all a person is willing to lose to their addiction. So sorry.

readerbaby71

I'm sorry. It's incredibly painful to watch someone you love fall apart.

vttodd

It is guys and She was the most loving person when she is not on alcohol but when she drank she was the devil. I still love her and I know she loves me but the devil has taken her to hell and wont let herleave

dandylion

vttodd.......let go and let the universe. You can pray that she will reach her bottom. For some, that is the turning point.

You can't help her any more...but these can:

AA; domestic violence center; salvation army

with much empathy for your pain,
dandylion

LadyinBC

Will keep your ex in my thoughts and prayers that she may someday find peace and contentment.

I am so sorry you are going thru this, it is hard to watch someone we love get lost in their addiction.

I am so thankful that my daughter doesn't have to see me this way anymore.

vttodd

Update 8-12 840pm Just found out her boyfriend assaulted her again and she has a black eye he is in jail but she refused to press charges WTF!!!! I am a great guy who NEVER layed a hand on her but I don't drink Why oh why !!!!!!! the reason ALCOHOL!!!!!!!!!! she wants someone to drink with her and have a great time

atalose

She has made the choice to live that life. She had recovery, she learned the tools for recovery BUT she has not chosen it. Maybe one day she will, maybe not..........you waiting in the wings keeping tabs on her is not healthy for you.

You deserve someone who can truely love you with all they have to give and where a bottle of booze can't get in the way of that.

It's very sad and painful to love an addict, especially an addict who is not ready to give it up yet.

ladyscribbler

This is not a great time. This is someone who is choosing alcohol and an enabler over a sober, healthy life with a good guy. I'm watching my ex spiral down, the father of my younger son. It is hard when someone you have cared for so deeply throws away life with both hands so they can cling to the bottle.
Platonic hugs to you. I hope that one day your ex wants better for herself.

dandylion

vttodd----where I live (in virginia)....once the person has been arrested and charged....the case is in the hands of the prosecutor. It is not possible to "drop the charges". Of course, Virginia has pretty strong domestic violence laws.

I don't know where you live, but are you sure that she has that option??

dandylion

Hammer

Hoping the same for you and all of us, my brother.

Shellcrusher

+1

vttodd

Dandylion Sw Virginia The police arrested him b/c someone called but he bonded out this afternoon and there was a epo for 72 hours but I know there back together now. I am not keeping tabs on her She left me a message at 3am this morning crying wanting me to be with her but I did not answer THis guy is very bad I have a protection order on him and the police notify me when something happens He came after me last year with a knife to kill me and he has assaulted her many times over the past year

LightInside

Speaking as a survivor of non-physical abuse in intimate relationships (with one minor physical assault long ago), I can tell you that there is more to her dysfunction than alcohol. Did she suffer from childhood physical abuse? It doesn't really matter, I guess, because you are only going to be able to help her by telling her one time what her healthy resources are. Then you have to let go or get dragged. How twisted that she is turning to you for help while she chooses him.

I don't know her, but she sounds line a double winner and a "love" addict. The reason she chooses him over you is that she finds her worth through feedback from a dominant male. For her, getting an angry, violent man to change, calm down, and treat her right would be proof that she really is worthy and lovable. Her disease is deeper than just the addiction to alcohol, but the alcohol further distorts her thinking. It is incredibly sad, but there's nothing you could do or be to fix her. She has to decide she's done. She has to seek the professional help.

I'm sorry, vttodd. Platonic hug for you.

dandylion

vttodd.....WoW. I get how grim this situation. I think that LightInside pretty well summarizes the seriousness.

Instead of you...she would need to contact a domestic violence center...they could help her escape and relocate and hide her.

She has to be willing to contact them, though.

This has to be incredibly hard for you. You can pray that she will reach out for help.
I am soo sorry.

dandylion

hopeful4

My question is, how do you know this only one day later? It leads me to believe you keep very close tabs, too close. People tend to turn to their stable people in times of crisis, but then start the crazy cycle all over again and again, hurting the stable person over and over.

Do you see where I am going with this?? I ask gently.

vttodd

Hopefull You are right I am the ONLY ex boyfriend who DID NOT beat on her all other boyfriends beat her up when they were drunk EVERYTIME she got beat up she called me and no one else. I believe deep deep down she is still in love with me but the alcohol suppresses it. Then when she wants to have the party lifestyle she "dumps" me again for the alcohol.

jessiec

So sad indeed.

But you can't save her.

Faithhope21

I completely get it. It has been 5 months since the love of my left to follow her dreams and run away from her problem with someone who will enable her. It gets easier but i am glad that i love her and hope that someday she will find happiness and escape this horrible disease. God bless you. Take care of your self.