jewel14

My Ex-Husband was an addict we have a 6 yr old child.. I also have an 18 yr old son (not his)... He sought help at the Salvation Army last November for the 2nd time, stayed in the program and graduated just last month. They offered him a job and he is VERY involved in the program and doing great. I have been the one to bring my daughter to family day and we started to get close again... At first my son and I talked and he was maybe not "OK" with the idea but accepting ... As time goes on he seems to be less accepting. He is getting ready to move out of state 1/2 way across the country and that in itself comes with a whole ball of emotions... My Ex doesn't seem to understand why he was seeming ok with him being around and now seems not ok.. I feel like I am being pulled at both ends... I love my son and my kids have ALWAYS been my first priority... This weekend we have our yearly town fair and my son told my daughter he would come with us to the fair. My Ex was hoping to come down for the weekend and when I told him we were going (me and kids) and he could come Saturday he was very upset and didn't understand why he would be dis-included... I explained that son was leaving wanted this time with the kids and we would go Sunday... This has caused an all day back and fourth and I feel like he's being selfish to not understand that everyone's acceptance and healing after the trauma of abuse is not the same.... I don't think forcing everyone to be around eachother if they are not yet comfortable is the answer. AM I wrong?

AnvilheadII

you get to decide your own plans and agenda and who you will spend time with. period. you did nothing wrong. you made plans with your CHILDREN. to spend special time with them, especially with the older boy leaving soon.

that your EX is acting like a little kid and throwing a tantrum speaks a lot to his "growth" in recovery. not everything damn thing is about HIM. this might be a good time to slow things down....he's been out a MONTH and already your head is spinning and you feel pulled between his needs and that of your children. let's call that a RED FLAG.

in the future, react and respond LESS. it doesn't HAVE to be an all day back and forth phone rage marathon. you aren't obligated to answer every call, every text. or include him in everything. he's your EX. for a reason.

Ann

Anvil said it much better than I ever could, but yes, you get to have a day with your children and don't need to apologize to anyone for that.

Your ex is sounding like a child, maybe it would be good for his recovery to understand he doesn't control the world and that other people have needs that are more important than his sometimes.

We only end up in the middle if we allow it. I learned to take my stand and stick to it and apologize to nobody.

Please enjoy the fair with your kids. Don't let any spoil that.

Hugs

jewel14

Thank you both. I appreciate your input. As we all know here none if this is ever easy!