Can't Stop Binge-Drinking
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 78
Can't Stop Binge-Drinking
The fog is just lifting from a bender I went on on Friday. Drinking from 3pm - 3am with friends. Did & said a lot of stupid and regrettable things. Nothing new though. Haven't left the house since, missed 2 days of work as well.
Up until Friday I had been maintaining a great work-out and fitness regime for about 6 weeks and I felt amazing. I do this often, I go on a great sober streak but then eventually one night I'll hit the self-destruct button and undo my hard work and sacrifice. I'm sick of this vicious cycle and I just want to lead a healthy life. I'm fighting a losing battle and to be honest I just want to get a bottle of liquor and numb myself from the disappointment and depression which drinking hard has brought on.
I don't like reaching out but I'm at the end of my rope.
Up until Friday I had been maintaining a great work-out and fitness regime for about 6 weeks and I felt amazing. I do this often, I go on a great sober streak but then eventually one night I'll hit the self-destruct button and undo my hard work and sacrifice. I'm sick of this vicious cycle and I just want to lead a healthy life. I'm fighting a losing battle and to be honest I just want to get a bottle of liquor and numb myself from the disappointment and depression which drinking hard has brought on.
I don't like reaching out but I'm at the end of my rope.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
You can stop, you just haven't done it yet.
What kind of plan do you have in place when the binge bug hits? It sounds as if you run on will power until you get craving and then have no tools in place when it hits.
I could never stop on will power alone. I needed to address the reasons I drank.
What kind of plan do you have in place when the binge bug hits? It sounds as if you run on will power until you get craving and then have no tools in place when it hits.
I could never stop on will power alone. I needed to address the reasons I drank.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 78
I'm frightened because when the craving does hit, it seems as though nothing I try will make it dissipate. I sort of think: ''Oh well, you only live once, let's do it!'' Even if that statement is only directed at myself
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi Runner, so you need to get past the strong cravings. When you've done it a few times you'll become stronger and the cravings will become weaker.
The things I found useful were:
- talking to my GP, mainly for support
- looking up the damage alcohol does to the body and mind - there's a wealth of information out there
- read some recovery stories on my Kindle
- joined SR
- changed my habits so the triggers weren't as strong
Give it some thought and come up with a plan that suits you. Accept that you have a serious damaging problem, and seek support.
The things I found useful were:
- talking to my GP, mainly for support
- looking up the damage alcohol does to the body and mind - there's a wealth of information out there
- read some recovery stories on my Kindle
- joined SR
- changed my habits so the triggers weren't as strong
Give it some thought and come up with a plan that suits you. Accept that you have a serious damaging problem, and seek support.
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Originally Posted by RunnerBean 
I'm frightened because when the craving does hit, it seems as though nothing I try will make it dissipate. I sort of think: ''Oh well, you only live once, let's do it!'' Even if that statement is only directed at myself
Have you thought about talking to a doctor or even a drug and alcohol counsellor. I found the counsellor to be a great start.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by RunnerBean
I just want to get a bottle of liquor and numb myself from the disappointment and depression which drinking hard has brought on.
There's a name for that warped logic where your brain craves the thing you know is bad for you. It's called addiction.
There's only one way to break an addiction. Starve it.
If you starve that addiction long enough the disappointment, depression and craving it causes will all subside.
You can do this.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 78
Thanks Nonsensical. You've commented on one of my posts before and I remember that your advice was very effective.
Lately though, I'm thinking: ''What if I can't do it? What if this addiction is something I'll return to every 6-8 weeks.''
I'm 25 now and have binge drank since I was 15, so I don't really know who I am. It's quite scary. And we all know that alcohol lowers (or obliterates, in my case) inhibitions, so that's why I use it as an emotional crutch.
In the past two years though, I have experienced depression for days after I have put down the bottle.
Lately though, I'm thinking: ''What if I can't do it? What if this addiction is something I'll return to every 6-8 weeks.''
I'm 25 now and have binge drank since I was 15, so I don't really know who I am. It's quite scary. And we all know that alcohol lowers (or obliterates, in my case) inhibitions, so that's why I use it as an emotional crutch.
In the past two years though, I have experienced depression for days after I have put down the bottle.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi. Today I’m grateful I’m sober, one day at a time. At the same time I’m quite sad about the news of a big celebrity death probably as a result of my disease. A huge talent with so many recourses and this Fn disease overpowers all of it. Powerful, cunning and baffling.
I assume he like so many became very depressed because of the inability to stop drinking again after 20 years sober. Those feelings are humongous and in this case overwhelming.
The point I’m trying to make is we don’t know how many relapses we have till the curtain come down on us.
BE WELL
I assume he like so many became very depressed because of the inability to stop drinking again after 20 years sober. Those feelings are humongous and in this case overwhelming.
The point I’m trying to make is we don’t know how many relapses we have till the curtain come down on us.
BE WELL
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
If you have a voice in your head telling you that you can't NOT drink, or that Next time will be different, then that is the voice of your addiction.
I have one of those, too. S.O.B. can be loud, persistent, and convincing.
I woke up one day last year and realized everything that voice had ever told me was a lie. In the 25 years it has been talking to me it has not told me one true thing. Not one.
And it's not because it is mistaken. It's not because it misunderstands. It lies. It intentionally deceives me to get what it wants. It's a liar.
Soberlicious laid this analogy on me once. What if you were in the grocery store and someone walked up to you and said, "Your clothes are on fire." You look down and you can plainly see that your clothes are NOT on fire. Are you going to stop, drop and roll? Are you going to stand there and debate with that person? Of course not - to do so would be foolish.
When my AV tells me You can't do it or next time will be different I push my cart down the next aisle. I need to get away from that crazy person.
Your AV is a liar and a thief. It will kill you if you let it. Starve that bastard.
You can do this.
I have one of those, too. S.O.B. can be loud, persistent, and convincing.
I woke up one day last year and realized everything that voice had ever told me was a lie. In the 25 years it has been talking to me it has not told me one true thing. Not one.
And it's not because it is mistaken. It's not because it misunderstands. It lies. It intentionally deceives me to get what it wants. It's a liar.
Soberlicious laid this analogy on me once. What if you were in the grocery store and someone walked up to you and said, "Your clothes are on fire." You look down and you can plainly see that your clothes are NOT on fire. Are you going to stop, drop and roll? Are you going to stand there and debate with that person? Of course not - to do so would be foolish.
When my AV tells me You can't do it or next time will be different I push my cart down the next aisle. I need to get away from that crazy person.
Your AV is a liar and a thief. It will kill you if you let it. Starve that bastard.
You can do this.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 596
Originally Posted by RunnerBean
The fog is just lifting from a bender I went on on Friday. Drinking from 3pm - 3am with friends. Did & said a lot of stupid and regrettable things. Nothing new though. Haven't left the house since, missed 2 days of work as well.
Up until Friday I had been maintaining a great work-out and fitness regime for about 6 weeks and I felt amazing. I do this often, I go on a great sober streak but then eventually one night I'll hit the self-destruct button and undo my hard work and sacrifice. I'm sick of this vicious cycle and I just want to lead a healthy life. I'm fighting a losing battle and to be honest I just want to get a bottle of liquor and numb myself from the disappointment and depression which drinking hard has brought on.
I don't like reaching out but I'm at the end of my rope.
Up until Friday I had been maintaining a great work-out and fitness regime for about 6 weeks and I felt amazing. I do this often, I go on a great sober streak but then eventually one night I'll hit the self-destruct button and undo my hard work and sacrifice. I'm sick of this vicious cycle and I just want to lead a healthy life. I'm fighting a losing battle and to be honest I just want to get a bottle of liquor and numb myself from the disappointment and depression which drinking hard has brought on.
I don't like reaching out but I'm at the end of my rope.
There is loads of information out there to help you combat the internal voice of addiction, but you also have to make sure you are not putting yourself in positions to keep drinking. Stick around, keep posting, your post resonated with me because that was me at your age.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
RB... yes, you CAN stop.
Let's not focus on what you're stopping, let's focus on what you're STARTING....
Let's focus on what you're CHOOSING instead...
Let's focus on that fitness regimen and feeling good about yourself....
Let's focus on reaching out more - even though you don't like it - because that's a critical support in the early days....
Let's focus on going to AA and reading the Big Book even if you don't think it's "for you" or believe it "doesn't work" - because NOT going to AA isn't working, is it? So... are you ready to do whatever it takes? The worst that can happen is you spend 90 hours in three months not drinking and learning a lot more about yourself and about addiction.
You have nothing to lose, and your life to gain.
Let's not focus on what you're stopping, let's focus on what you're STARTING....
Let's focus on what you're CHOOSING instead...
Let's focus on that fitness regimen and feeling good about yourself....
Let's focus on reaching out more - even though you don't like it - because that's a critical support in the early days....
Let's focus on going to AA and reading the Big Book even if you don't think it's "for you" or believe it "doesn't work" - because NOT going to AA isn't working, is it? So... are you ready to do whatever it takes? The worst that can happen is you spend 90 hours in three months not drinking and learning a lot more about yourself and about addiction.
You have nothing to lose, and your life to gain.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 831
"When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on."
You know you have a problem. Now you have choices! You can choose recovery if that's what you want. If you don't know how, educate yourself. Come here and vent, ask questions, call a help line, if you know anyone in recovery get together and talk, tell your family and friends you don't want to live like this anymore and that you need their support, try a 12 step meeting, try a SOS or SMART Recovery meeting, see your doctor, contact a local treatment facility, I'm sure some other SR peeps have other ideas to offer you. It's not weak to ask for help.
Welcome!
You know you have a problem. Now you have choices! You can choose recovery if that's what you want. If you don't know how, educate yourself. Come here and vent, ask questions, call a help line, if you know anyone in recovery get together and talk, tell your family and friends you don't want to live like this anymore and that you need their support, try a 12 step meeting, try a SOS or SMART Recovery meeting, see your doctor, contact a local treatment facility, I'm sure some other SR peeps have other ideas to offer you. It's not weak to ask for help.
Welcome!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Somewhere on the East Coast
Posts: 579
Originally Posted by SoberHoopsFan
Binge drinking can be a vicious cycle...You go on the horrible 3-4 day bender (starts out as "fun", gets more desperate and pathetic as the days go on), feel awful by the end,
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 166
Originally Posted by RunnerBean
Thanks Nonsensical. You've commented on one of my posts before and I remember that your advice was very effective.
Lately though, I'm thinking: ''What if I can't do it? What if this addiction is something I'll return to every 6-8 weeks.''
I'm 25 now and have binge drank since I was 15, so I don't really know who I am. It's quite scary. And we all know that alcohol lowers (or obliterates, in my case) inhibitions, so that's why I use it as an emotional crutch.
In the past two years though, I have experienced depression for days after I have put down the bottle.
Lately though, I'm thinking: ''What if I can't do it? What if this addiction is something I'll return to every 6-8 weeks.''
I'm 25 now and have binge drank since I was 15, so I don't really know who I am. It's quite scary. And we all know that alcohol lowers (or obliterates, in my case) inhibitions, so that's why I use it as an emotional crutch.
In the past two years though, I have experienced depression for days after I have put down the bottle.
I had every excuse under the sun to drink, I still love my ex, my mum abused me when I was a kid, I have no true friends, I'm in debt, It's the only way I can deal with life and all it's pain, I can only socialise with drink, people only know me and like me because I drink. Every excuse gave me a reason to hit the bottle again and every time I did I would fall deeper and deeper into depression in the days following a particularly heavy session. The more I resented and was ashamed by my actions the more depressed I got, the more depressed I got the more I drank. Only one way to go at that point, down.
I had periods where I got myself together, got immensely fit, was even climbing mountains and running miles everyday but then bang, out of nowhere I was on 8 pints, a bottle of wine and god knows how many chasers each day of the week. The only time I would slow down was when I had severe alcohol poisoning and I was curled up in bed shaking and vomiting.
My wake up call wasn't looking at myself, it was seeing all the people I hurt along the way, the amazing and beautiful people that saw good in me and gave me a chance only to be let down and hurt by the drunken selfish ***** I was. Only 2 months ago I was laying in a field vomiting and crying whilst my ex girlfriend sat behind me stroking my back saying "Look at you, is this what you want from your life, this has to end." Hard to pick yourself up from situations where you lose all dignity like that but my story is light hearted reading compared to those of others, many people here face far darker pasts than mine.
The fact is, if you don't stop drinking your life will go to a far darker place than it is now. It's all about whether you think you can handle that. I used to think I could. I couldn't have been more wrong. Good luck mate.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 78
@maverickspoint
My story is probably even more closely linked to yours than you think. This past weekend involved me climbing into my ex's house through a second story window, and then not knowing what to say when I got in because my brain was so fried. I am ready to stop.
Also, I appreciate everyone else's comments. Thanks
My story is probably even more closely linked to yours than you think. This past weekend involved me climbing into my ex's house through a second story window, and then not knowing what to say when I got in because my brain was so fried. I am ready to stop.
Also, I appreciate everyone else's comments. Thanks
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: London
Posts: 48
Originally Posted by maverickspoint
Your story is so familiar to mine, it was literally like reading something I had written. This is going to sound really negative and trust be it's not meant to be, from what you have said you don't sound like you really want to stop just yet. I truly believe you are fully aware of how life destroying alcohol is but 25 for me was a point where I still felt young enough to bypass my logic and carry on drinking. I may be wrong and I hope I am mate.
I had every excuse under the sun to drink, I still love my ex, my mum abused me when I was a kid, I have no true friends, I'm in debt, It's the only way I can deal with life and all it's pain, I can only socialise with drink, people only know me and like me because I drink. Every excuse gave me a reason to hit the bottle again and every time I did I would fall deeper and deeper into depression in the days following a particularly heavy session. The more I resented and was ashamed by my actions the more depressed I got, the more depressed I got the more I drank. Only one way to go at that point, down.
I had periods where I got myself together, got immensely fit, was even climbing mountains and running miles everyday but then bang, out of nowhere I was on 8 pints, a bottle of wine and god knows how many chasers each day of the week. The only time I would slow down was when I had severe alcohol poisoning and I was curled up in bed shaking and vomiting.
My wake up call wasn't looking at myself, it was seeing all the people I hurt along the way, the amazing and beautiful people that saw good in me and gave me a chance only to be let down and hurt by the drunken selfish ***** I was. Only 2 months ago I was laying in a field vomiting and crying whilst my ex girlfriend sat behind me stroking my back saying "Look at you, is this what you want from your life, this has to end." Hard to pick yourself up from situations where you lose all dignity like that but my story is light hearted reading compared to those of others, many people here face far darker pasts than mine.
The fact is, if you don't stop drinking your life will go to a far darker place than it is now. It's all about whether you think you can handle that. I used to think I could. I couldn't have been more wrong. Good luck mate.
I had every excuse under the sun to drink, I still love my ex, my mum abused me when I was a kid, I have no true friends, I'm in debt, It's the only way I can deal with life and all it's pain, I can only socialise with drink, people only know me and like me because I drink. Every excuse gave me a reason to hit the bottle again and every time I did I would fall deeper and deeper into depression in the days following a particularly heavy session. The more I resented and was ashamed by my actions the more depressed I got, the more depressed I got the more I drank. Only one way to go at that point, down.
I had periods where I got myself together, got immensely fit, was even climbing mountains and running miles everyday but then bang, out of nowhere I was on 8 pints, a bottle of wine and god knows how many chasers each day of the week. The only time I would slow down was when I had severe alcohol poisoning and I was curled up in bed shaking and vomiting.
My wake up call wasn't looking at myself, it was seeing all the people I hurt along the way, the amazing and beautiful people that saw good in me and gave me a chance only to be let down and hurt by the drunken selfish ***** I was. Only 2 months ago I was laying in a field vomiting and crying whilst my ex girlfriend sat behind me stroking my back saying "Look at you, is this what you want from your life, this has to end." Hard to pick yourself up from situations where you lose all dignity like that but my story is light hearted reading compared to those of others, many people here face far darker pasts than mine.
The fact is, if you don't stop drinking your life will go to a far darker place than it is now. It's all about whether you think you can handle that. I used to think I could. I couldn't have been more wrong. Good luck mate.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: midwest
Posts: 484
I was just about to say the same thing.. it sounds so close to my story too. I have been working out pretty good the last few months and towards the end it seemed like my workouts were just barely making me look normalish but other than that no muscle growth or endurance increase. Getting so depressed from failure and more drink the next night. Coming here and asking for help and also finding a good meeting has been crucial in my early recovery. Love yourself Runnerbean, we deserve to be happy, healthy and undefeated by this atrocious condition!
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