It's over

Old 08-11-2014, 08:33 PM
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It's over

After I post this message, I'm driving to my ABF's apartment and breaking up with him. I've come up with many answers to a dozen different scenarios so that I stay strong. I've thought of many different ways to go about it. I'm sure it may all change the second I step through his door, but I'm not giving in to him. I'm not staying because he "needs me". I have to leave for me.

It's my first real breakup with my first love. So I may be slightly dramatic about this, but my anxiety almost gave me a panic attack today at work. I can't keep living like this, feeling guilty and angry and horrible. I want to move on with my life.

Here's to being strong (for the moment).
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Old 08-11-2014, 08:47 PM
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Originally Posted by idledreamer View Post
After I post this message, I'm driving to my ABF's apartment and breaking up with him. I've come up with many answers to a dozen different scenarios so that I stay strong. I've thought of many different ways to go about it. I'm sure it may all change the second I step through his door, but I'm not giving in to him. I'm not staying because he "needs me". I have to leave for me.

It's my first real breakup with my first love. So I may be slightly dramatic about this, but my anxiety almost gave me a panic attack today at work. I can't keep living like this, feeling guilty and angry and horrible. I want to move on with my life.

Here's to being strong (for the moment).

I wish you the best, do you really need to drive over there and do this, can you just do no contact, or a phone call, and say stay the h3ll out of my life?

I know you are strong, so do what you need to do. Here for you.

(((((((((hugs)))))))))))
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Old 08-11-2014, 09:21 PM
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Good luck! Congrats on the start of your new life!
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Old 08-12-2014, 04:16 AM
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Be strong. Keep us posted!

Much Love!
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Old 08-12-2014, 04:20 AM
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Keeping it simple!
 
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Please check in when you can and let us know how you are doing.
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Old 08-12-2014, 04:22 AM
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Good for you ID. You're choosing sanity.
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Old 08-12-2014, 04:36 AM
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Let's us know how you go, be courageous - I know this mess we get in is hard.
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Old 08-12-2014, 05:01 AM
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Good luck, hope everything went well for you!
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Old 08-12-2014, 05:35 AM
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Thank you for all of the support. It sucked. I'm feeling like I made the right choice, but this morning I realized that he just blamed me for everything. That I was running away. That I wasn't communicating. That I didn't want to move in. A bunch of quacking, but at the time it just felt like I couldn't say anything that I felt confident about. Luckily I did it and walked out without giving in. I just wish now that I had led with "this isn't working for me" instead of talking about things that bother me.

BUT I've already gotten a text from him saying "I love you and I want to fight for you". So I don't think he'll make it easy in the days/weeks to come. Which makes me just want to throw things.
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Old 08-12-2014, 09:37 AM
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Good for you - you're FREE! You are right, he probably won't make it easy for you. I broke up a year ago - and my ABF apologized to me for the first time in almost 3 years. Then, he said he'd do anything to fix it. He'd quit drinking for a year! So, I stayed - knowing it was probably all BS, but that stupid hope was there...

He made it 12 days. Then one beer at a time, he worked his way back up to a half gallon of vodka every 2 - 3 days. And here we are. Him drunk, and me agonizing about me doing what I have to do.

Stay strong! You did the right thing! Ignore - no contact - block - delete. That will make it all so much easier. Best to you - and thank you for the inspiration.
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Old 08-12-2014, 09:42 AM
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idledreamer - good for you for making the step towards your own recovery. I left my ABF about a month ago but I went back a week later. (we have a child together)

I wish I hadn't. He made promises and went to AA for a week until the day I came back. Hasn't been back since. Idk if hes drinking again but he's not sober... taking steps to leave for good!
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Old 08-12-2014, 12:17 PM
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Thanks blossom717 and firebolt. I'm trying to stay strong! He's becoming very persistent and I'm trying to have no contact the rest of the day. Hopefully he'll respect my boundaries.

I'm trying not to be inundated with the good memories. Of the great times and how we could be happy. Because as were, I will not be happy. All this talk of change won't last, as you said. Thank you for reminding me.
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