noodles:)

I am currently with a guy who I believe is an alcoholic. He drinks everyday and sometimes he even starts as soon as he gets up in the morning. Whenever we go out he has at least two drinks. I worry about him but he doesn't think there is anything wrong with his behavior. He gets upset when I bring it up and so I keep it to myself, but it is getting really hard to pretend that I am fine when I see him consume. He hasn't always been this way and it seems to be getting worse. We have known each other for a couple of years and we have been together about a year. This behavior started about six months ago and it has greatly affected out relationship. I love him very much and I don't know what to do in this situation. We have been planning on getting engaged but I don't know it I am asking for a life of heartache. Besides the drinking he is a great person and I love him with all of my heart. Does anybody have any input?

matters

Hi noodles

Welcome to the boards!!The decision to stay or leave only you can decide.The disease of alcoholism is a progressive disease.Only your boyfriend can make the choice to STOP!!! Learn to take care of yourself and become knowledgeable about this disease!This is a great place to come and a good start.

Take care,
matters

Magichappens

Hey Noodles,
Welcome. Sadly an alcoholic will only seek help when they are ready, which may be never. You don't have to decide to stay or leave today. Have you ever attended an Al-Anon meeting? You may get some understanding of alcoholism, and help in learning to deal with it. There are many challenges in life. Anyone who has relationships deals with the baggage another brings with them. We all have the choice to stay and learn how to work through our problems, or move on. Many times learning to overcome our difficulties builds our strength and character. That is a choice only you can make. There are tools and support available to help you make a healthy choice for yourself. Feel free to browse the forum. There are many people who have found ways to overcome their situations. You are not alone. Hugs, Magic

Nightowl

I was just in the same position. My SO had moved in with me and then I realized slowly but surely that he is an alcoholic. I was devastated as I was hopelessly in love with him (still am). I asked him to leave last Monday (we lived together 9 months). He is in an efficiency apartment now. I don't even know where. He actually was not a very bad alcoholic. He never hurt me, yelled at me or caused any problems. No work issues, etc. For me it was just the worry. No one in my family drinks like that at all. Alcoholism doenst' run in my family. It does in his. I am a very anxious person, so all I did was worry about a DUI, illness, the disease progressing, etc. It was making ME sick. And much of it was needless worry but worry nonetheless. I can't help who I am any more than who he is. So I asked him to leave. FOr my own health. We are still staying in touch. We don't love each other any less. But sometimes love doens't conquer all. But I wonder if he will do anything about his drinking. I don't htink he is ready. But the time apart has given me time to think and reflect. Making a commitment to an alcoholic is very scary I think. Do some reading, attend a meeting. Take your time to decide. But if that means postponing an engagement, then by all means postpone. If you were meant to be, you will be together...when the time is right.

It is hard to give up the person you love because of alcohol addiction. But sometimes the right thing to do is the hardest. (not giving any advice here - only YOU can make that decision and make it with great care but without worry or angst). huge hugs to you

myles1

If you aren't married and don't have kids and you see a problem now it's not worth it if he doesn't think he has a problem.

It's just an uphill battle all the way.

Ngaire

Jane Doe

I have to agree with Myles. It's too hard with no rewards. It's hard to turn your back on a spouse or give up when you have kids but I can't help but look back to all the signs when we were sating and think I should have ran.

Zoey

I agree with Ngaire and Jane Doe, just run. fast. No contact, no voice on phone, no going where you might see him. But remember so you don't catch another one.
HUGS Clancy46

Patsyd1

Put your tracks shoes on, and run like H*ll..... and don't look back.

sunshine???

don't know your whole situation but...nothing is worth the heartache...

prodigal

...but do you love yourself more???? If you get engaged/married to this guy, can you imagine how much you'll feel? Love simply ain't enough, hon. Your love won't get him to sober up and face his addiction. You're asking for trouble - believe me, I live with it every day!!!

You may very well love this man, but there are lots of other men out there who don't have this disease with whom you can build a healthy relationship.

Please don't do something you will regret. Don't close your eyes to the facts and go into denial mode.

Magichappens

Whatever you choose, sweetheart, realize that you were attracted to this kind of person for a reason. Just because you move on, there is a good chance that you will be drawn to the same in someone else. The Al-Anon program gives us a chance to look at ourself and our actions and decisions. We become healthier individuals with more choices. I hope that you will take the oportunity to learn and grow and not just stay in the same cycle. We don't have to keep repeating the same mistakes over and over if we take the time to take care of ourselves. Wishing you well in whatever you decide. You are welcome here. Hugs, Magic

cwohio

Noodles - what Magichappens says is true. I am an ACOA and am married to an A. Give yourself some time and explore the information about Al-Anon on websites or even visit a meeting. Even though I am new to the program I know I need something to jump start me into changing what I CAN. Wish I had done it sooner. cwohio