zeppodog

I just finished my last 2 beers, got thru the night without drinking but I'm so shaky I had to have those last beers. don't have to worry about having more because I'm in no condition to drive. I can quit for months and then I think I can have a few, I've proven to myself over and over I can't drink in moderation. I wish there was a non-12 step program as AA has no appeal to me, although my wife said she would go with me. Do you have to talk at AA meetings? that's half the reason I drink is because I have social anxiety. This last bender was pretty bad, embarrassed my wife in front of relatives, they were all drinking too but I managed to over do it and the weekend at the lake was ruined and I made myself sick again. Has anyone tried hypnosis? well I needed to vent, tomorrow I start over again.

flutter

You don't have to talk at AA meetings, but there are definitely other options for support. 1:1 counseling, outpatient rehab, (I think we have an entire section of this forum dedicated to non-12 step recovery methods). I went to a few meetings, and ended up working with an addiction counselor one on one for about 6 months, and for me it was incredibly helpful. Congrats on the new start!

foryoumyson

I have 4 days in and a reason I drink is social anxiety too when I'm sober I'm quiet I don't really want to talk maybe a few words. But I was thinking AA to and wondering if you had to talk someone in here said to me every meeting he's been to you don't have to unless you choose to. I think I might go to a meeting sometime this week and give it a shot nothing bad can come out of it even if I do have to talk because I need any help I can get.

zeppodog

Well I need help too, I don't know how a reasonably intelligent person can keep doing something they know makes them sick and hurts the people they love. I'm pretty sick of myself and that's a really depressing thing. I've always thought I was an intelligent strong person and I'm sitting here now feeling horribly depressed.

Thepatman

If your wife is willing to attend AA with you, I would jump at the occasion and just go.

Why not try it and see if it helps? You just sit at the back, listen.

They have a first chip that they give, but you don't have to walk at the front and can just see the person giving the chip when the meeting ends if you are too stressed out.

Good luck! and stay safe with detox my friend. Seing a doctor is often a good idea to be on the safe side!

doggonecarl

The idea of chemo therapy doesn't appeal to me either, but if it saved my life, I think I could get over the lack of appeal. And fear.

I understand wanting to find something that clicks with you, something that meshes with your idea of recovery. But you've not had much luck "finding" that solution. So maybe, just maybe the answer lies in AA and the twelve steps...just putting it out there.

Maybe there are IOP programs that would suit you, don't know. There is Rational Recovery. Whatever you pick/find, work it as if your life depending on it. Cause it does.

IOAA2

Hi. You do not have to do diddaly at a meeting. After a period you may want to say a few words but that’s up to you. Many people learn more listening than talking. If they go around the room to introduce themselves you may say “ I’m XXXX and here to listen.” Remember you’ll be among people who understand. Also remember no program has an instant cure which so many look for, it’s slow and progressive if we let it.

BE WELL

firstymer

zeppodog, you never have to feel this way again. The shame. The embarrassment.

You have been able to stay sober for months at a time. So you KNOW how to do this. You just need to recognize what your triggers are that make you decide to pick up, and make sure that you avoid them.

Make this your bottom, zeppodog. It's time.

zeppodog

My wife said she'll leave me if I do this again, this is my rock bottom, now I'm just trying to get thru this day, hell, I'm trying to get thru the next hour.

PurpleKnight

You can get through this zeppodog!!

There's loads of different options other than AA, more secular options available, you just need to find something that works for you and go for it!!

zeppodog

Thanks for the support everyone, I feel pretty damn hopeless right now. Just trying to get thru the next hour then the one after that. just called my in-laws and begged their forgiveness for making an ass out of myself and putting a damper on everybody's weekend. I had hidden how bad my drinking had gotten till then, now they know I'm not a social drinker, I'm addicted and it's gotten worse as I get older, guess my body can't process alcohol any more.

ccam1973

Zeppodog, glad you found SR. Great support and understanding here.

Congratulations on making the decision to quit for good. Tough road, but so worth the effort.

You can do this, best of luck.

FreeOwl

I avoided AA for many years.... over a decade actually, after being sentenced to it and going because I had to. I was sure it "wasn't for me".

I'm glad I finally got beyond that because AA taught me a hell of a lot.

you don't have to say anything, though you may be invited to at times... it's not required. All you need to do is say your name and if you're not comfortable saying you're an alcoholic just say "Im ______ and I don't want to drink today".

Turns out, most of the time those of us who resist it most, need it most. Go figure.

You don't have to keep riding this mad cycle.

ScottFromWI

I know exactly how you feel zeppodog, I was in the same boat. I "handled" drinking for a couple of decades. Most of my drinking was alone and I hid it from my family. In a very short period of time though, I went from handling it fine to NEEDING to drink just to keep my heart rate down and keep myself from going into withdrawals. My tolerance also decreased yet I still drank pretty much from 5pm to passout and all day long on weekends.

The great thing about sobriety is that anyone can have it. There is a 100% chance that you can quit and get sober if you really want to. The key is making it your absolute #1 priority. Don't discount ANYTHING that might help you before you try it, or at least learn more about it. You may also need to make a major change in your lifestyle - who you associate with, where you decide to spend time, etc. It will NOT be easy. But it is absolutely worth it...and I wish you the best of luck in seeking it. Don't forget to fall back on SR whenever you need it too.

biminiblue

Saying that your body can't process alcohol is a big warning, my friend.

End stage alcoholism is often accompanied by low tolerance to alcohol. I got there myself.

See a doctor, tell him what you've told us and ask for medical help in detox. If you can have a few days of medication it makes it much easier to get through the tough withdrawals so you aren't trying to hang on one hour at a time.

Then ask for help. You'll need something to help you with the emotions you're going to have to face in looking back at your drinking career. AA is a great place to go and just listen. They understand and you will hear your own story over and over.

firstymer

How are you doing today, zeppodog? We are pulling for you.

Dee74

Hey Zeppo

I think you need to ask yourself - why do I keep going back...and what am I gonna do about it?

if AA's not your thing and you have some of these other alternatives around, go for it.

here's some links to some of the main players, including but not limited to AA:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

D

gvrecovery

We are the same age, and it does get worse on the body without question. AA doesn't work for me either, and I stay sober by using the tools on here and having a daily, sober plan to stay away from alcohol.

zeppodog

Well I made it thru the night, not much sleep but got some chores done and am not drinking. I've looked for any non-12 step programs around here with no luck. I guess I should be using this site more, when I do my 24 hour pledge I stick with it but have had drinking periods when I'm out of town, guess I should chain myself to the computer and SR all day. thanks everybody for the support.