FaithNhope12

My AH is in a rehab where I believe he is still using. He is a different person emotionless. Addiction has caused my family to be destroyed and my kids to cry. It's living everyday with a broken heart and still smiling through it. Mourning the death of the person you knew and longing for that. That is what keeps me going but my AH is not the same. He's much different. I'm having a hard time letting go. I have asked him not to call me so much because he complains and sounds high and it gives me anxiety and fear. How do you let go? Do I have to get divorced to do that? I just don't know. How do I give up on him and for my kids father when he is sick? Is It against my religion if I divorce him because of the addiction? This is my anxiety. How do I give it to God. Having a hard time
With step 3Someone told me a cucumber can become a pickle but a pickle will never be a cucumber ever again.

Ann

Faith, I don't know how long he is in rehab for, but this may be a good time to find your balance and make some hard decisions for yourself and your children.

You don't have to make any decisions today, just try to heal and find peace and in days to come, the answers will appear.

Hugs

zoso77

How do you give it to God? I think for everyone, it's a bit different. In my case, I had attended a bunch of Al Anon meetings, and as I was listening to the stories of others, it dawned on me that no matter what I did (or didn't do), my then AGF was going to do whatever she wanted to do. And since I knew this to be true, I decided to work on me.

Your AH is going to do whatever it is he does, for better or for worse. And since this is true, you need to do what is necessary to take care of you and your children.

As Ann alluded to in her post, you have some difficult decisions coming up. We can't make those decisions for you. But our collective experience is something you should tap by reading as many posts as you can and PM'ing with members who have been through what you're going through.

As for divorce vis-a-vis religion, this is a sensitive topic, but I'd like to give you my opinion on it and you're free to absorb it or disagree with it.

I don't believe that religion has anything to do with our relationship with God. As a lapsed Catholic, I don't attend Mass. But I do pray every day, and I do thank God for what he has given me (which is a lot). Then there are other times I get upset with God for events that I don't understand. I can tell you that if it weren't for my relationship with God, I would not have gotten through the ordeal with my AXGF. Right now, you're going through an ordeal that's far tougher than what I had to deal with. And I don't believe for a minute that God put you and your children on this earth to suffer because of the choices your AH has made. In my view, if you were to take steps to protect yourself and your children that involved separating from your AH, you'd be justified in doing so. Keep in mind your AH, through his choices and his actions, abandoned both you and your children and have caused you emotional harm. That's not what you signed up for, is it?

Anyways, be honest with yourself. And remember, doing the right thing doesn't always feel good, and often means you'll pay a price.

biminiblue

Just spinning off zoso here, there is a Bible passage regarding marriage/divorce that reads, [sic] If a man will leave, let him go.

Here is a link with that passage from Corinthians:

1 Corinthians 7:15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.

Amysad

Thank you biminiblue - this passage has helped me gain some closure

AnvilheadII

letting go is a process we LEARN thru practice. when we realize we have no CONTROL over the outcome, it's a little easier to release it. when we realize we have no control over people places and things, it gets a little easier. when we accept that we can't predict the future, it gets easier to stay in the present.

right now he's in rehab. and he may or may not be using.

right now you have a bit of space to breathe. if you do not want to talk to him all the time, don't answer every time he calls. it's that simple. this is part of boundary making....WE enforce our boundaries, nobody else HAS to and not that many will comply. just how it is.

you don't have to decide the outcome of your marriage today....whether to divorce or not. not today. you can give that time. yes your husband has an illness, a disease, but that does not give him free reign to be a liar, or a cheat or a thief, or be hostile, abusive and neglectful. the disease does not automatically MAKE addicts behave poorly. some people are just jerks.

whatever you are doing for you for support, i'd double up. be that meetings or sessions with a counselor, support group. make this more about YOU.....finally!

FaithNhope12

Thank you all for your responses. It has given me relief to realize I have to focus on my
Own recovery and do not have to think about my marriage today or listen to others on what they think I should do. It's up to me to make my own decision with guidance from my high power. I truly appreciate all your responses

Twofish

Amen Anvill you got that right. Very wise words as usual! And...
Bless you FaithNhope12, time is on your side. Focus on you, take care of YOU first.
Be kind to you and remember to breathe.
TF