Scared and sad

Old 08-10-2014, 12:59 PM
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Scared and sad

I have been waking the walk and following the talk here at SR. Going on 30 days without contact. I still can't help worry every day if my AD is alive. I'm glad the drama has stopped but in its place is a quiet that is Scarey too and I feel more scared than ever. Do any of you ever email or text your AD or AS to even say something encouraging? This distance with love and prioritizing me is important and I know that but the whole cut off contact doesn't seem right although I have to say she doesn't text or email me. I texted her a week ago to tell her that naltrexone was still available to her and didn't hear back. It just seems a very hard way to live but I'm doing it.
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Old 08-10-2014, 01:12 PM
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We all go through the worry. I will tell you that I went no contact for a while, then allowed only text and email. Here's the thing...I found out six months later all of the stuff that my AXH was actually doing. He's lucky to be alive, but all indications point to still using. So really if you broke down and had contact, as in my case, you don't get the truth anyway. Then you are met with nastiness all over again if you confront them on the lies. It isn't any easier a year later when they get nasty with you either. No contact is the best way to go. Focus on healthy things for yourself, do things that distract you. We all worry, it's only natural, but it is out of our hands.
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Old 08-10-2014, 01:14 PM
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it's not easy at all.....of course you care and are concerned and worry and wonder....you contacted her a week ago, you have left the channels open. she knows how to get ahold of you. if you want to send a text, that is totally your option....but you have to accept she may not reply. so will that help you feel better or add to your worry? every action has a reaction....theirs AND ours. every action has a consequence....but not always a reward.

love her, pray for her. do what YOU can live with.
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Old 08-11-2014, 05:34 AM
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Are you looking for anything in return when you think of contacting your daughter?
Can you contact her with these thoughts in mind … I will not talk her into help nor will I question her choices or react to anything she says or take anything personal if she attacks back?
Can you contact her knowing she may not contact back and not have it send you off any deep end?

For me I removed any motive and didn’t have any agenda in terms of my son. I told him flat out very early on, that only he had control of his life and that he could live as he chose. And if he wanted to use crack well who was I say he couldn’t. He also knew there were consequences to his actions because I was clear there as well….Once he wasn’t at home anymore, if I wanted to see him I would go see him. I didn’t call or email because he didn’t have access to either and I wouldn’t anyway. I didn’t need to speak to him ( trust me he found a way to call with no phone enough), I just wanted to hug him. Where he was, was in an area I went through to go other places, so if I was going through an wanted to see him I would drive by the house he was at. If he was outside then I would stop get out, hug him and go on my way. A matter of a few minutes. I never went by just to check, ever.

It wasn’t about him…

Neither was my open invitation to dinner. Which most didn’t agree with but I wasn’t looking to please anyone, nor did I really care.

For all the months he was out of the house he came once to eat.
For all the times he called looking for cash cause he needed food and was starving. I would say well baby you know what time dinner is I hope you stop by … he never showed. And the reality of it all was always in his actions not tending to match his words. His actions always showed the truth.

I have to say this. If you do contact her the addiction and any means of help should be off limits in every way. And I say this not so much as a mom but as a teen who used. She knows how you feel, she knows you don’t like to see her as she is. She knows it breaks your heart and it isn’t that she doesn’t care, but that she is broken herself and your pain is what you are taking on as personal. She knows you love her, and you have to remember that she does love you. Keep it simple, it is much healthier for both of you.
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Old 08-11-2014, 04:09 PM
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Letting go is hard - I want closure and I'm not going to get it. She is who she is NOW based on her choices to pulverize her own spirit and the person who has arrived is not part of my life or family. Closure to me means health and happiness for her NOT to be apart of my life because frankly I will never trust her or want her around - clean or otherwise.... It's killing me to say it but it's true - too much damage has been done - too much devistation.
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Old 08-11-2014, 05:10 PM
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I'm struggling boroughs no contact with my boyfriend. I give a bunch of false ultimatums. I know as long as I stay in touch with him I am letting him think I am okay with his using. And sometimes try to convince myself I am too, at least I will have him in my life as a bf if I pretend to be okay with it. But just like an addict we have to admit things to ourselves as well. An addict will lie for many reasons. But no addict wants to hurt those they love, so maybe no contact is better. No lies or manipulation or emotional abuse. Have you tried mother/daughter counseling?
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Old 08-11-2014, 06:50 PM
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Thank you everyone - once again SR comes through for me and anyone who stays with it.....so damn sad about a Robin Williams
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