9 months..what is happening.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
9 months..what is happening.
9 month anniversary today, this is what I have wanted for so long.
I would be drinking and say to myself, just get sober, How hard can it be.
Just don't drink,.. ever again!...what on earth is there that is making you drink...what on earth can make you drink..I didn't want to drink but I would. Now for 9 months I have stopped.
I guess I still don't have a handle on this sobriety thing and sometimes I can really feel stark raving sober.
The last month has been one of the hardest in so far as the AV chirping her destructive little digs in to my mind at every turn...
A lot has been going on in the last 9 months and it has been tough...I lost my Mum, my son has been in intensive care 4 times in the last 9 months and so much more...
I am a big believer in getting through the firsts, the weather is warm here for the end of winter and I am feeling the spring weather is on the way, this will be my first spring sober for a very long time...That is making the AV get edgy.?..I think!
I feel like I am in a bit of a funk and at the same time it is an overwhelmed funk...thank you for reading, I am going to go for a walk and see if I can shake this funk of.
I don't believe I will drink, I just wanted to address my sobriety 9 month anniversary.
I would be drinking and say to myself, just get sober, How hard can it be.
Just don't drink,.. ever again!...what on earth is there that is making you drink...what on earth can make you drink..I didn't want to drink but I would. Now for 9 months I have stopped.
I guess I still don't have a handle on this sobriety thing and sometimes I can really feel stark raving sober.
The last month has been one of the hardest in so far as the AV chirping her destructive little digs in to my mind at every turn...
A lot has been going on in the last 9 months and it has been tough...I lost my Mum, my son has been in intensive care 4 times in the last 9 months and so much more...
I am a big believer in getting through the firsts, the weather is warm here for the end of winter and I am feeling the spring weather is on the way, this will be my first spring sober for a very long time...That is making the AV get edgy.?..I think!
I feel like I am in a bit of a funk and at the same time it is an overwhelmed funk...thank you for reading, I am going to go for a walk and see if I can shake this funk of.
I don't believe I will drink, I just wanted to address my sobriety 9 month anniversary.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Congratulations on nine months. That is terrific. You have weathered a lot and you didn't drink. That says a lot. I think that changes in the weather and firsts are triggers. For me the seasonal changes have an impact.
I'm about where you are at - nine months. It is hard and my AV has been fighting a lot lately to be heard and it scares me. I had ten and a half months sober last year and just about this time of year when I relapsed. I was feeling the same funk. This year I am better prepared for it but it's hard. Last year I stopped talking to people, stopped reaching out, let myself get run down, stopped attending AA meetings. It just became too easy to slip down that hole for relief for what was bothering me. But it didn't help at all.
Keep fighting the AV with whatever you have. Come here and talk. Talk to other people. Walking helps too. You can do it! And congrats!
I'm about where you are at - nine months. It is hard and my AV has been fighting a lot lately to be heard and it scares me. I had ten and a half months sober last year and just about this time of year when I relapsed. I was feeling the same funk. This year I am better prepared for it but it's hard. Last year I stopped talking to people, stopped reaching out, let myself get run down, stopped attending AA meetings. It just became too easy to slip down that hole for relief for what was bothering me. But it didn't help at all.
Keep fighting the AV with whatever you have. Come here and talk. Talk to other people. Walking helps too. You can do it! And congrats!
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,681
Congratulations on 9 months, Notimetoloose.
Know what you mean about the av, I'm almost convincing myself I'm ok now, I'm in control, I can socialise drinking. But my thoughts are to get a bottle secretly and stash it, something that won't smell and hubby won't know I've been drinking (yeah), call that normal drinking. Nah.
Thanks for this post, you've helped me more than you know.
We can't let our guards down for a millisecond.
Be well.
Know what you mean about the av, I'm almost convincing myself I'm ok now, I'm in control, I can socialise drinking. But my thoughts are to get a bottle secretly and stash it, something that won't smell and hubby won't know I've been drinking (yeah), call that normal drinking. Nah.
Thanks for this post, you've helped me more than you know.
We can't let our guards down for a millisecond.
Be well.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,536
Thank you for this post. Seeing that others can handle that dang AV and how they do it really helps me. I've had so much sober time, then the AV takes over. This time around I feel so much better prepared. . . and all of you are helping.
Congrats on the 9 mos. THAT is AWESOME!!!
Congrats on the 9 mos. THAT is AWESOME!!!
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Staying sober can be difficult but it is worthwhile ,
Congratulations on your achievement ,
Reading your "tagline" certainly for me , the question "if not now then when , how many more years shall i spend drunk and not living" was a sobering thought .
Keep on
m
Congratulations on your achievement ,
Reading your "tagline" certainly for me , the question "if not now then when , how many more years shall i spend drunk and not living" was a sobering thought .
Keep on
m
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic USA
Posts: 2,441
Congrats on 9 months. That's a great accomplishment. Maybe it's time to double down on the actions you used in your early days of sobriety? You mentioned your AV; do you use AVRT? If so, do you have the Rational Recovery book? I've found that rereading parts of it keeps my head in the right place.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
My sis and we chatting today and she noted she was coming up on 6 months sobriety. She said that for the past while her sobriety has felt very strong but that she was almost upended by a very intense craving yesterday. She then wondered if the reason that AA gives out 3, 6 and 9 month chips is that these are hard won anniversaries. I don't know bout that but I also couldn't help noting they are all multiples of 3's. Isn't there some weird thing about 3's? An addictions counsellor once mentioned that to me..the 3 thing. What I found most remarkable was his mention of the surprising numbers of lost sobriety at the 30 year mark.
Are we ever really impervious to cravings after being emotionally and/or physically dependent on alcohol. I doubt it. Sounds like you've had some stressy times of late. I'm sure that has something to do with it.
9 months is wonderful. By the way I love the phrase "stark raving sober". I'm sure I will use that one in some future conversation. Awesome.
Are we ever really impervious to cravings after being emotionally and/or physically dependent on alcohol. I doubt it. Sounds like you've had some stressy times of late. I'm sure that has something to do with it.
9 months is wonderful. By the way I love the phrase "stark raving sober". I'm sure I will use that one in some future conversation. Awesome.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: London
Posts: 71
I am just reaching six months sober and have been having the worst cravings ever. The AV was screaming in my head things like, have a week off sobriety (I go on holiday tomorrow for a week), enjoy your holiday, have fun and then as soon as the holiday is over go back to being sober. I even convinced my husband that I could do that and would be strong enough to stop when we return home. I managed to get round him and get him on my side, I'm a very manipulative alcoholic! So in my head, as off tomorrow, I have created myself a "free pass" for the week. However my sober voice is fighting back 
with this; if I was offered the choice to not have a slow and painful progressive illness such as cancer would I take it? Well YES of course I would opt out of that one. People all over the world don't have the choice to opt out of that hideous fate, they are dealt that card and have no choice in the matter. Alcoholism is a slow, painful progressive illness and I am blessed to have the choice right now to opt out of this illness. Today I choose to opt out and prey that tomorrow I will make the same choice. 
with this; if I was offered the choice to not have a slow and painful progressive illness such as cancer would I take it? Well YES of course I would opt out of that one. People all over the world don't have the choice to opt out of that hideous fate, they are dealt that card and have no choice in the matter. Alcoholism is a slow, painful progressive illness and I am blessed to have the choice right now to opt out of this illness. Today I choose to opt out and prey that tomorrow I will make the same choice. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
Thank you all for taking the time to write and congratulate me and share your wisdom.
All of your replies mean so very much to me.
Dee, thank you, sometimes anniversaries for me are like the the next goal line to get to..something to work towards or occasionally hang on to while I am relearning how to live sober...
Ruby, I hear you about reaching out and the importance of talking. I think that is something that I need to learn to do more of...I find it a very hard thing to do. Learning to do that will be challenging.
Congratulations on your sober time as well, it is good to know.
Mags, LOL, at buying a bottle , stashing / hiding it and that being a normal social drinker. The AV is a cunning, sly bugger.. the dribble that it can feed me at different times can leave me head in hands..
Neferkamichael, Thank you for the beautiful white rose.
Mecanix...It is a beautiful poem and it sums it up for me. Like you.. same.
FR..Yes AVRT, RR..that is it...also SR. I think that has what has got me this far.
The learned skill of shutting the AV down so quickly. However, she be a wily beast and can come in with new and different approaches.
I agree a refresher is overdue, I will bring some muscle when she shows up again.
Nuudawn, I will check out the 3's thing, it is very interesting. It is good to be prepared.
Can you imagine busting at 30 years, I would still call that success.
All of your replies mean so very much to me.
Dee, thank you, sometimes anniversaries for me are like the the next goal line to get to..something to work towards or occasionally hang on to while I am relearning how to live sober...
Ruby, I hear you about reaching out and the importance of talking. I think that is something that I need to learn to do more of...I find it a very hard thing to do. Learning to do that will be challenging.
Congratulations on your sober time as well, it is good to know.
Mags, LOL, at buying a bottle , stashing / hiding it and that being a normal social drinker. The AV is a cunning, sly bugger.. the dribble that it can feed me at different times can leave me head in hands..
Neferkamichael, Thank you for the beautiful white rose.
Mecanix...It is a beautiful poem and it sums it up for me. Like you.. same.
FR..Yes AVRT, RR..that is it...also SR. I think that has what has got me this far.
The learned skill of shutting the AV down so quickly. However, she be a wily beast and can come in with new and different approaches.
I agree a refresher is overdue, I will bring some muscle when she shows up again.
Nuudawn, I will check out the 3's thing, it is very interesting. It is good to be prepared.
Can you imagine busting at 30 years, I would still call that success.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
The "firsts" can be scary but they're also an opportunity for growth. With each first you go through you become a little bit more confident. I'm sorry for all the stuff you've had to go through but I'm sure it's easier to deal with sober.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
congratulations on nine months!!
I'm sorry for your loss and your challenges.... I hope that your son pulls out of whatever his situation is and makes a strong recovery.
I admire your strength... remaining sober through all of that is a HUGE victory and no matter the difficulty, you are no doubt so much better for it, being fully present with your hard times.
I'm creeping up on 9 months and while I am grateful and healthy and joyful and seeing things all around me improving subtly but noticeably - I also still fight with the reflections of demons; tempting and taunting me at times. Not horrible, not a struggle, but there enough to be annoying and a challenge in themselves. The nagging old AV has been super-active lately about "hey... look how far you've come!! Almost a YEAR!! After THAT you can surely just go back to having a beer here and there with everyone else. Just be REALLY prescriptive about it. You can balance this. You can totally master this. You just needed focus. You needed a reset... BLAH BLAH BLAH".
Same thing happened to me at almost 6 months last time and I listened to it. Within a few weeks I was right back to drinking way more than I'd intended and dealing with hangovers. Then it was drinking alone and isolating, then it was blackouts.
Have you kept at the ACTIVE sobriety? I realize I have not, and that's part of the challenge. It becomes easy - when things are going well and the new habits of sobriety are coming more naturally - to NOT go to meetings, NOT read the big book, NOT call my sponsor, NOT log on to SR..... and in NOT doing these things we give the AV greater voice.
Hang in there, I have great respect and admiration for you and am looking forward to my own upcoming 9 months.... we can do this!
I'm sorry for your loss and your challenges.... I hope that your son pulls out of whatever his situation is and makes a strong recovery.
I admire your strength... remaining sober through all of that is a HUGE victory and no matter the difficulty, you are no doubt so much better for it, being fully present with your hard times.
I'm creeping up on 9 months and while I am grateful and healthy and joyful and seeing things all around me improving subtly but noticeably - I also still fight with the reflections of demons; tempting and taunting me at times. Not horrible, not a struggle, but there enough to be annoying and a challenge in themselves. The nagging old AV has been super-active lately about "hey... look how far you've come!! Almost a YEAR!! After THAT you can surely just go back to having a beer here and there with everyone else. Just be REALLY prescriptive about it. You can balance this. You can totally master this. You just needed focus. You needed a reset... BLAH BLAH BLAH".
Same thing happened to me at almost 6 months last time and I listened to it. Within a few weeks I was right back to drinking way more than I'd intended and dealing with hangovers. Then it was drinking alone and isolating, then it was blackouts.
Have you kept at the ACTIVE sobriety? I realize I have not, and that's part of the challenge. It becomes easy - when things are going well and the new habits of sobriety are coming more naturally - to NOT go to meetings, NOT read the big book, NOT call my sponsor, NOT log on to SR..... and in NOT doing these things we give the AV greater voice.
Hang in there, I have great respect and admiration for you and am looking forward to my own upcoming 9 months.... we can do this!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
