taramaree

So, I'm completely fine with not drinking.. Did it before, 2 years ago, quit for a year, and now I quit again.. Hubby is drinking tonight, doesn't phase me ( he drinks rum and beer and that's a big fat NO for me)... I'm sober, and I KNOW he's drunk, screaming at me, He may be crying in the bedroom, but I'm not getting close enough to know for sure.... screaming about everything I did to him while drunk... Wow.. I did "cheat" on him while we were separated 2 years ago, with a colleague of his. ( I was 100 percent sober at the time) My husband wasn't sleeping with me and I have a very strong sex drive. I was NOT sleeping with 2 men at the same time, We were headed for divorce, and now, I don't know what to do. I know that sounds terrible, but we were separated for over 6 months. sleeping in different beds. I'm not going to pick up a bottle, I'm fine... Just scared for now. Scared of him, scared of the outcome, just scared period. I will add, my husband is NOT an alcoholic, not sure what's going on. But atleast now I'm sober, and know we have things things to discuss in the morning.

Dee74

I think alcohol can wreak as much damage on non alcoholics as it does on us.

It can remove inhibitions and sharpen resentments and make us scared and paranoid = obviously that's not a good thing.

It's not clear to me, but if you feel in danger of any kind, do take steps to make yourself safe.

The drinking and raging aside, obviously you and your hubby have some unresolved issues.

Have you guys thought of counselling?

D

Mairie

Yeah, I agree, if you feel you're in danger, get yourself to a place of safety! I've been there and it doesn't get any better

taramaree

No, we aren't in danger. I'm just going to sleep out on the couch, let him sleep it off. Damn it feels good not to be drunk! If I were, I would have tore right back into him. But this is my fault. He's hurting, and I need to hear it. For the first time since it happened, I'm hearing it. He's a good man. We have really good insurance, and counseling is a must. I'll update tomorrow, but for now, I'm going to Youtube some Sade ( my fave) and drink some chamomile tea. Night everyone.

taramaree

Everything's good guys for now. He's still sleeping it off. Glad it's him and not me. I plan on later sending our kids out to our pool and discussing things with him after he's had quite a few waters. Hope everyone else is doing great today!

FreeOwl

alcoholic or not - it strikes me that his use of alcohol right now (from what you've relayed here) may be getting in the way of his ability to own and share and process feelings appropriately and that - in turn - may be a pretty big barrier to his own emotional health and to your prospects as a couple.

Do you think he'd consider setting alcohol aside for a while and focusing in on some intense work on your relationship?

Would YOU be willing to do that?

It sounds to me as though you've got the major ingredients of a dysfunctional relationship crying out for attention. There is rich potential for you both to grow and for you to deepen your coupleship.... and just as rich is the potential for you each to suffer on until a painful end of the partnership.

Mountainmanbob

I hope that you two can have a good heart to heart sober discussion

MM

Anna

You said that you are 'scared of him'. That says it all to me. There is no reason to remain in a relationship based on fear.

ultradad

The topic of discussion last night at my AA meeting was forgiveness and the idea that we have to forgive ourselves 'first' is important. The Big Book talks about how we alcoholics turn nearly everyone in our lives into neurotic people and it will take time for healing and forgiveness to come. Not sure if you attend AA or not, but I go to AA and my wife attends Alanon it has saved our marriage and we had more than infidelity to deal with so it can be overcome.

taramaree

I'm not scared of him physically. Maybe scared that I'm sober now, and don't have alcohol to mask my own hurt over the situation. I now know we have to work through these things. I thought it was a dead issue, but it hit me like a ton of bricks when I realized it is not. I've brought up counseling before, and he shrugged it off. ( pride maybe) It's weird to me because he basically swept everything under the rug for so long, especially when he works everyday with this guy. This was a couple of years ago. I can't tell him how to feel or grieve, but will definitely ask him today to lay off the alcohol and request counseling again. He drinks at most 1-2 days a week. He didn't eat dinner last night, and that is why I think the booze hit him so hard. I maybe shouldn't have said anything on here, I just have no one to discuss anything with.

Mountainmanbob

this seems to be a good place for you to share

much feedback

use your discerning heart so as to sort through it all

it is too easy for ones to hear just a little from someone they don't even know
and then tell them exactly what they should be doing in their life ??
really ??


MM

Notmyrealname

What part of that are you seeking advice for? If you don't steer people here in the right direction they're going to give you all kinds of responses that maybe aren't tailored for your perceived dilemma.

taramaree

I guess with how to handle it. For now, It needs to be tackled head on, I get that. No more sweeping it under the rug from either of us.

PurpleKnight

If your husband doesn't have a problem with alcohol, which might be up for debate if it's causing problems in your relationship, then there's not much to sort out, your Sobriety shouldn't be dependant on anyone else's drinking, he is still allowed as a normal drinker to have his few drinks, both need to be separated out!!

However if alcohol is causing problems, then it might be time to sit down as a couple and discuss the strains it is causing!!

taramaree

No, he doesn't have an issue with alcohol. It was a one time thing hopefully.We've been together for 10 years, and I'd know by now. Like I said, I was completely side swiped. Maybe I shouldn't have vented on here. I was just so very upset with it. Him drinking doesn't trigger me, never has. I have decided, that whether he goes or not, I'm going to counseling. Can't hurt.

Mairie

Well said Anna! You get ONE life and this aint no dress rehearsal for it.