heartbrokenK

I'm struggling to understand why I can't let go of my obsession over my husbands using! I knew the minute my AH walked in the door he drank. The gut wrenching in your face knowing. Yet I try to let the feeling go. Ya right. So I jump into old behavior and go through his work truck. Sure enough receipt for beer. I know finding the receipt does not change the fact he used or lied. I am trying so hard to focus on myself and take it one day at a time and it's so hard. Why can't I just wake up and realize he can't or won't change? Why can't I let him go and live and let live. Sorry just struggling today

queenapple

Keep working on yourself--coming here, going to Alanon or another program because, honestly and truly, it really does help. Sooner or later--later for some of us-- it really does begin to sink in that you didn't cause it, you can't control it and can't cure it.

heartbrokenK

Thanks I've been going to 2 alanon meetings a week.

Timeiskey

HeartB- I am doing the same thing myself today...I have been trying to work on me and to not obsess over my ex- of course, it is easier for me, since he is not in my house- in my life- but he does live next door and I see him all the time, and I get confused about it all. I wrote something very similar to you two days ago- why, if I know what this is, why do I still have these feelings? And when, when, when will they just cease. I don't want to obsess. I am trying to get work done, and every few minutes, I get distracted again with thoughts of him...but as SR has proven, in time...one day, we will both look back with gratitude for what we learned and how far we have come

FireSprite

I think for a lot of people it is like an internal switch that just flips one day - no way of knowing how/why/when it's going to flip OR what will ultimately set it off. All I can tell you is that once it DOES flip, you can never go back to seeing things the way you did before, ever again.

It's like when you drive through fog - while in it, it looks to last forever & then suddenly you drive straight out of it with no warning that the change was coming. Keep working your recovery, baby steps really DO make all the difference. (((HUGS)))