Where do I even begin??
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Chicago Area
Posts: 3
Where do I even begin??
Man... this last month has been ROUGH!! Here's the deal... I'm an alcoholic who's been sober now for roughly 3 months. (Yea!!) My wonderful boyfriend is also an alcoholic. He's actually in jail right now because he got a DUI in my car. Here's where I'm struggling... he says now that he's going to accept the fact that he is an alcoholic & is now ready to make the changes in his life in order to fight this disease. He says that his pride got in the way of him accepting the fact that he is an alcoholic even though he was the one who pointed out the fact that I was an alcoholic. He says that he's so sorry for causing this unbelievable pain in my life and that he's made his promises to God to never drink again, but I'm not so sure that's a promise that he can keep. Here's the deal with him... he goes through cycles in his life of self destruction whenever things start looking up for him. It usually lasts about two weeks and then he's out binging with his buddies. I don't know what I can do to help him. He's crying on the phone to me every night saying how sorry he is and that it'll never happen again... begging me to stay with him. Now, I truly love this man and it's eating me up that he's not out here with me. He really doesn't belong in jail, yet he's been their before. He's a smart, loving, wonderful man who's an alcoholic... who needs help. Now with him gone & all the stress that I'm feeling in my life because of that and with my grandmother dying... I'm so scared that I'm going to wind up back at the bar getting plastered. It's taking everything I have in me not to do it & to keep my mind occupied so I don't do it, yet I find myself thinking "just one won't hurt you..." Or as I drive past the liquor store "Just stop in and look... nothing wrong with that..." And I fight myself to keep going & keep doing what I'm doing so I can stay sober & better my life. But now I realized that I can't do this alone. When I was doing research on treatment centers for him (i'm trying to convince his lawyer to get him released into an inpatient facility to get help rather than to our home), I stumbled on this site. I really hope that you guys will help support & guide me through this process because I am now ready to seek out help rather than go it alone... like I was doing. Any advice you can give me will be much appreciated. I have been re-reading the Big Book in hopes that will offer me help as well. Sorry to just purge this out, but man... I was ready to explode keeping that all in!! lol Well... thanks for reading... any help you could give would be appreciated.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Originally Posted by giggles
I'm so scared that I'm going to wind up back at the bar getting plastered. It's taking everything I have in me not to do it & to keep my mind occupied so I don't do it, yet I find myself thinking "just one won't hurt you..." Or as I drive past the liquor store "Just stop in and look... nothing wrong with that..." And I fight myself to keep going & keep doing what I'm doing so I can stay sober & better my life. But now I realized that I can't do this alone.
Alone? Very few of us get and stay sober alone.
Kudos for your three months! Awesome.
Now, what do you want to do about all this relapse behavior you listed above?
You doing a recovery program of any kind?
Meetings?
Do you have access to sober friends and family?
I realize your boyfriend needs help, but you sound like you're on the verge of throwing away a good stretch of sober time.
Again, welcome. Tons of encouragement and support here.
But you gotta have some 3D support as well.
Keep posting!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hi Giggles
I'm Rowan, and I'm an alcoholic. I'm so glad you found us! The men and women here are compassionate kind and supportive. I find that posting here and responding to others' threads is a good complement to my recovery. You had mentioned you had a copy of the Big Book. I assume this means you attend AA meetings. I agree with Dan, we need face to face meetings not just online. You have stayed sober for 3 months and that is wonderful! I understand the compulsion to drink, even after a stretch of sober time. It's good that you recognize this, now it's time to take action.
You are going through an especially difficult time with your b/f and with your sick grandmother; these things would weigh on anyone, but us especially as alcoholics. Just remember, you won't be any good to anyone if you pick up that drink. Think your way through it from beginning to end. I relapsed after two years of sobriety and it was very difficult coming back.
I don't know what to say about your b/f. Your affection for him is evident, and yet I can't help but think that it's our job as recovering alcoholics to 'carry the message not the alcoholic'. This doesn't mean you can't support and encourage him, but don't lose yourself in it. If he really thinks he is alcoholic and really wants help, he's a big boy and can figure out what to do in order to get well just like the rest of us have. This is only my opinion, and I apologize if I am coming across as harsh.
So that's it in a nutshell; get to meetings, often! Get a sponsor and join a home group. Get active in service, even just setting up a meeting or greeting at the door. It helps me forget my own troubles if I get out of myself and do something for someone else. And pray. Pray for the compulsion to drink to leave you. If you don't know what to do for/about your b/f, then I think you should listen to that and just .. wait. Given enough time, I'm certain you'll find the answer you seek. Have faith my friend and keep coming back!
You'll be in my thoughts.
Love, Rowan
I'm Rowan, and I'm an alcoholic. I'm so glad you found us! The men and women here are compassionate kind and supportive. I find that posting here and responding to others' threads is a good complement to my recovery. You had mentioned you had a copy of the Big Book. I assume this means you attend AA meetings. I agree with Dan, we need face to face meetings not just online. You have stayed sober for 3 months and that is wonderful! I understand the compulsion to drink, even after a stretch of sober time. It's good that you recognize this, now it's time to take action.
You are going through an especially difficult time with your b/f and with your sick grandmother; these things would weigh on anyone, but us especially as alcoholics. Just remember, you won't be any good to anyone if you pick up that drink. Think your way through it from beginning to end. I relapsed after two years of sobriety and it was very difficult coming back.
I don't know what to say about your b/f. Your affection for him is evident, and yet I can't help but think that it's our job as recovering alcoholics to 'carry the message not the alcoholic'. This doesn't mean you can't support and encourage him, but don't lose yourself in it. If he really thinks he is alcoholic and really wants help, he's a big boy and can figure out what to do in order to get well just like the rest of us have. This is only my opinion, and I apologize if I am coming across as harsh.
So that's it in a nutshell; get to meetings, often! Get a sponsor and join a home group. Get active in service, even just setting up a meeting or greeting at the door. It helps me forget my own troubles if I get out of myself and do something for someone else. And pray. Pray for the compulsion to drink to leave you. If you don't know what to do for/about your b/f, then I think you should listen to that and just .. wait. Given enough time, I'm certain you'll find the answer you seek. Have faith my friend and keep coming back!
You'll be in my thoughts.
Love, Rowan
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,473
Hi Giggles,
You've been given great advice here so I'll just say 'Welcome'. This is a great place to find support and understanding. Congratulations on your 3 months. Hang in there!
Love, Anna
You've been given great advice here so I'll just say 'Welcome'. This is a great place to find support and understanding. Congratulations on your 3 months. Hang in there!
Love, Anna
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Hi giggles and welcome,
Congrats to you on your 3 months. That little voice talking to you telling you "just one", "go have a peek", is your disease talking to you when your most vulnerable. Many, many, have had their worst experiances in life happen to them in sobriety and they never drank over it. Nothing, no one is worth your sobriety. There will never be an acceptable excuse to allow yourself permission to drink. Not one! So do find a means of support in your area, I know I couldn't do this alone, as the case with most.
I hope this time your bf is truly ready. Together, you both can find the beauty and blessing's of sobriety given a strong means of support.
Congrats to you on your 3 months. That little voice talking to you telling you "just one", "go have a peek", is your disease talking to you when your most vulnerable. Many, many, have had their worst experiances in life happen to them in sobriety and they never drank over it. Nothing, no one is worth your sobriety. There will never be an acceptable excuse to allow yourself permission to drink. Not one! So do find a means of support in your area, I know I couldn't do this alone, as the case with most.
I hope this time your bf is truly ready. Together, you both can find the beauty and blessing's of sobriety given a strong means of support.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Chicago Area
Posts: 3
Thank you all so much... I'm going to start going to meetings. The Big Book that I'm reading is my b/f's copy. I've found it helps me when I need that extra kick to do what's right. I know that drinking isn't the answer, but man... it's soooooooooo hard to walk away from that temptation. my b/f says that he admires my strength in being able to come this far alone, but I know now that I have to find a group in my area to attend meetings to meet people who are going through the same feelings that I am. It's very nice to know that I'm not alone. I do have sober friends or at least friends that know that I'm an alcoholic and they have been very supportive. However, I still have those friends that try to lure me to the bar. My b/f seems very sincere about what he's saying to me... but it could just be "jail talk" as well. We have talked about going to couples in recovery meetings together & separate meeting as well so we can find what we need to help ourselves beat this. But we haven't done it thus far. I'm going to flip through the yellow pages now & see what i can find in my area. I'm just praying right now for this feeling to pass among the prayers for my grandmother & b/f to be safe. Thank you to everyone who's replied thus far for giving me the support & advice that I need!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Chicago Area
Posts: 3
I am trying to ditch them. It's hard to shut someone out who's been a part of your life for over 6 years!! But I have to stay focused on the times we spent together... what I can remember of them anyways! lol and how we only did things together when beer was involved... not any other time. Kinda makes me sad to think of it now.
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
Welcome giggles,
My name's Talia and I'm an alcoholic. I'm gald you found your way to SR. Sounds like things are falling into place. You've recognized you need to attend AA meeting's. Curious to whether you have a sponsor, or not. My advice would be to find a good one. Your boyfriend is willing to recognize his problem. Whether he follows through or not, is his responsibility. If he chooses to fall back into his old habits and friends, don't let him drag you down with him. I hope for the best, for both of you. As for your friends, if they really cared about you, they would'nt try to lure you to the bar, to get drunk. I would think, they would respect your want for sobriety. Good Luck and take care. Congratulations on your sober days. I know you worked hard to get them. Well done.
Talia
My name's Talia and I'm an alcoholic. I'm gald you found your way to SR. Sounds like things are falling into place. You've recognized you need to attend AA meeting's. Curious to whether you have a sponsor, or not. My advice would be to find a good one. Your boyfriend is willing to recognize his problem. Whether he follows through or not, is his responsibility. If he chooses to fall back into his old habits and friends, don't let him drag you down with him. I hope for the best, for both of you. As for your friends, if they really cared about you, they would'nt try to lure you to the bar, to get drunk. I would think, they would respect your want for sobriety. Good Luck and take care. Congratulations on your sober days. I know you worked hard to get them. Well done.
Talia
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