He say he is sober...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1
He say he is sober...
Hi so this is my case and I don't know what to do usually I'm good in handle these kinda of situations but this is so new to me I can't. I come from a family that struggles with alcohol and my husbands family struggle with it to however me and him have never been the issues it's always been his brother of my mother not is directly.
But ever since I got a new job it has given me less time to go out and party with friends and get drunk then crawl into work Hungover and he works in the navy and recently they have been cracking down on taking the drunken sailor reputation off. But I've noticed and this is the 2nd time he had done this, every time we drink I feel as if I'm in more control of myself and usually I'm the more sober one because I don't like waking up with a hand over or feel the full effects of drinking a lot, but when he is just tipsy or "sobering up" he becomes so overly defensive and then to me disrespectful. He never talks to me with such disrespect and it is a very mature guy and we have drank together but he never acts this immature but lately I've noticed when he begins to sober up he almost becomes a child.
The first scenario; we go to bed after having some wine for dinner and he had a couple of IPAs and when we go to bed and get gets on top of me for a hug I'm very petite so he is crushing me so I push him off gently and he flips out saying "don't ever push. DONT. EVER. PUSH. ME. Do you understand me" he says it in such a demanding and demeaning tone and I not a woman to me talked back to and so I get tell him " I didn't push you, you were just a little heavy I me but you will not talk to me like that." And then it escalated to him ignoring me or giving me attitude (sounds childish huh) but the fight escalated because I leave the room because I'm not going to put up with his attitude and then he gets even more upset and says I'm being a B** and a C** and I did literally nothing and it gets so bad to the point where I'm crying because I'm so confused on how he got so angry but then when he really is sober he will just ignore me until either the next morning and say sorry or I make the first move and say I'm sorry.
The most recent is we are visiting his family that lic out of state and we are all drinking with his old college and high school friends and it's getting late so I say I'm going to go to bed because we have to get up early and I'll be the one to set the alarm to wake us up. We are fine with that him and his friend go and hang out more and drink and the bar in the basement and I drank to much red bull so I'm still up and it's a struggle for me to get to bed. We comes in a couple time and he is drunk and saying he feels bad that he is talking to his old high school buddy and not in bed with me and say "it's ok I'm having trouble spewing because I had to much red bull but go outside" so it's 230 at this time and I'm awake until 530 it's miserable and he comes back in about twice and on ally at 530 I fall asleep. Well at 6 I get woken up by him cuddling me and the door is open to the hallway light it beaming bright in my face and he isn't drunk anymore but you can still tell he is a little loopy, and he is saying sorry I was talking them so long I didn't mean it and I tell him "babe it's ok I just fell asleep please let's go to bed I'm tired " and he keeps repeating himself and I'm just tired and I want to go to bed so I'm repeating my self and I'm annoyed and then I say "it's fine I just fell asleep at 530 and it's 6 please close the door I'm tired" and he starts getting defensive saying "I just wanted to hold you what's your problem im just want to hold you I feel bad you were in here for so long" and finally I just tell him straight "I'm tired close the door stop we can cuddle and spoon but close the door" so he finally does it with attitude and then says your phone is dead so I'm like "oh no give it to me now" and he starts complaining "it's dead why do you need it" and then I get irritated and told him just give me the phone so he does and I see it isn't dead and I tell him "it's not dead " and he answe back in attitude like "oh ok" (again childish) and then I tell him why are you giving me attitude I just told you to close the door and give me my phone because it has the timer and in the middle of this he gives me a huge bear hug and I yell at his the get off because I'm cranky and he has been giving me attitude all night for no reason. So now he is more upset goig on about how he just wanted to cuddle and I told him "I'm fine with that I just wanted you to close the door and give my phone it had the alarm on it and I wasn't mad at all I wasn't even mad when you kept saying you felt bad" and then he interrupts me and say " I DONT FEEL BAD FOR ANYTHING I DONT FEEL BAD FOR A GOD DAMN THING" even though he kept saying that. And finally it's escalated and it gets so bad and I point it out that this is the second time you've done this and now he just barged out of the room and is sleeping on the couch and I'm still do confused.
What is this?? What do I do? I'm so confuse? Am I doing something wrong?
But ever since I got a new job it has given me less time to go out and party with friends and get drunk then crawl into work Hungover and he works in the navy and recently they have been cracking down on taking the drunken sailor reputation off. But I've noticed and this is the 2nd time he had done this, every time we drink I feel as if I'm in more control of myself and usually I'm the more sober one because I don't like waking up with a hand over or feel the full effects of drinking a lot, but when he is just tipsy or "sobering up" he becomes so overly defensive and then to me disrespectful. He never talks to me with such disrespect and it is a very mature guy and we have drank together but he never acts this immature but lately I've noticed when he begins to sober up he almost becomes a child.
The first scenario; we go to bed after having some wine for dinner and he had a couple of IPAs and when we go to bed and get gets on top of me for a hug I'm very petite so he is crushing me so I push him off gently and he flips out saying "don't ever push. DONT. EVER. PUSH. ME. Do you understand me" he says it in such a demanding and demeaning tone and I not a woman to me talked back to and so I get tell him " I didn't push you, you were just a little heavy I me but you will not talk to me like that." And then it escalated to him ignoring me or giving me attitude (sounds childish huh) but the fight escalated because I leave the room because I'm not going to put up with his attitude and then he gets even more upset and says I'm being a B** and a C** and I did literally nothing and it gets so bad to the point where I'm crying because I'm so confused on how he got so angry but then when he really is sober he will just ignore me until either the next morning and say sorry or I make the first move and say I'm sorry.
The most recent is we are visiting his family that lic out of state and we are all drinking with his old college and high school friends and it's getting late so I say I'm going to go to bed because we have to get up early and I'll be the one to set the alarm to wake us up. We are fine with that him and his friend go and hang out more and drink and the bar in the basement and I drank to much red bull so I'm still up and it's a struggle for me to get to bed. We comes in a couple time and he is drunk and saying he feels bad that he is talking to his old high school buddy and not in bed with me and say "it's ok I'm having trouble spewing because I had to much red bull but go outside" so it's 230 at this time and I'm awake until 530 it's miserable and he comes back in about twice and on ally at 530 I fall asleep. Well at 6 I get woken up by him cuddling me and the door is open to the hallway light it beaming bright in my face and he isn't drunk anymore but you can still tell he is a little loopy, and he is saying sorry I was talking them so long I didn't mean it and I tell him "babe it's ok I just fell asleep please let's go to bed I'm tired " and he keeps repeating himself and I'm just tired and I want to go to bed so I'm repeating my self and I'm annoyed and then I say "it's fine I just fell asleep at 530 and it's 6 please close the door I'm tired" and he starts getting defensive saying "I just wanted to hold you what's your problem im just want to hold you I feel bad you were in here for so long" and finally I just tell him straight "I'm tired close the door stop we can cuddle and spoon but close the door" so he finally does it with attitude and then says your phone is dead so I'm like "oh no give it to me now" and he starts complaining "it's dead why do you need it" and then I get irritated and told him just give me the phone so he does and I see it isn't dead and I tell him "it's not dead " and he answe back in attitude like "oh ok" (again childish) and then I tell him why are you giving me attitude I just told you to close the door and give me my phone because it has the timer and in the middle of this he gives me a huge bear hug and I yell at his the get off because I'm cranky and he has been giving me attitude all night for no reason. So now he is more upset goig on about how he just wanted to cuddle and I told him "I'm fine with that I just wanted you to close the door and give my phone it had the alarm on it and I wasn't mad at all I wasn't even mad when you kept saying you felt bad" and then he interrupts me and say " I DONT FEEL BAD FOR ANYTHING I DONT FEEL BAD FOR A GOD DAMN THING" even though he kept saying that. And finally it's escalated and it gets so bad and I point it out that this is the second time you've done this and now he just barged out of the room and is sleeping on the couch and I'm still do confused.
What is this?? What do I do? I'm so confuse? Am I doing something wrong?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Welcome to SR, Nikki. I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation and hope you find help here.
To start with, I'd suggest reading as much as you can here, and make sure not to miss the stickies at the top of the page. The more you can learn about alcoholism, the better off you'll be in days to come. There are so many years of experience all brought together here at SR, you're almost bound to see yourself in other stories and know you're not alone.
I'd also recommend checking into Alanon for some face-to-face support. Here's the link to help you find a meeting anywhere in the world: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
As you learn more and begin to understand what's happening, you'll start to see your path forward more clearly.
Wishing you strength and clarity.
To start with, I'd suggest reading as much as you can here, and make sure not to miss the stickies at the top of the page. The more you can learn about alcoholism, the better off you'll be in days to come. There are so many years of experience all brought together here at SR, you're almost bound to see yourself in other stories and know you're not alone.
I'd also recommend checking into Alanon for some face-to-face support. Here's the link to help you find a meeting anywhere in the world: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
As you learn more and begin to understand what's happening, you'll start to see your path forward more clearly.
Wishing you strength and clarity.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Nikki---alcoholics will swear that they are sober while they are slurring their words and holding the drink in their hands.
Never try to reason with someone when they are drunk. It is a total loss.
I believe that honeypig has given you good advice on how to get started.
Hang around and keep learning....
dandylion
Never try to reason with someone when they are drunk. It is a total loss.
I believe that honeypig has given you good advice on how to get started.
Hang around and keep learning....
dandylion
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