Lies, Awakenings, and Result
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Lies, Awakenings, and Result
The decision to quit is probably one of, if not the most difficult decisions that we'll ever make. There's a lot of things that run through the mind when you either contemplate quitting, when you do finally take the step, and even after you've taken the step and are active in recovery. After a while of powering through urges and doing whatever is necessary to continue staying sober there comes a turning point. It's when you begin to realize how much addiction is all about lies. Lies that you tell yourself to justify continuing on. All part of the denial intended to keep you tightly wrapped within the arms of the AV. Sobriety is a reprogramming to step outside and to take a look at things from a different perspective. To see the lies for what they are.
What are the lies that you told yourself and if you're at that point yet, what was your awakening, and what was the result?
Here are a few of mine:
Lie: That I was never going to be able to have fun with my friends again.
Awakening: Very bittersweet but I soon found out that those who I called my friends were mostly people who I could drowned myself in alcohol with who would never judge how much I drank. If I did something stupid or said something stupid I never had to worry about forgiveness. I gave them what they needed to justify the addiction and they supplied the same for me. The care and concern we showed for each other was more false emotion displayed so that we had someone to drink with. Most of those friends are gone, they won't hang out with me anymore because I make them feel uncomfortable. They perceive me as judging them. I can see the justification falsehoods that are coming out of their mouths and much of what they say half the time doesn't make sense to me anymore.
Result: I have found friends who have common interests that are real and who are not just warm bodies to share in the drinking experience with. Their care, concern, and interest in me is real just as it is for me with them.
Lie: X happened and I am so upset that I need to drink.
Awakening: X = anything you could possibly find as a reason to drink. Could be anything from someone dying, losing a job, all the way to the other spectrum of dropping your ice cream and it landed the wrong way. An excuse is an excuse no matter what it is.
Result: Drinking makes nothing better. Not to mention, did you ever notice that if you were upset about something and drank because of it what the end result is? You sit there and cry in your (insert choice of drink) about it. So it really isn't about drinking to make you feel better, it's still an excuse to drink and nothing more. The realization that alcohol solves no problem and that it's just the addiction that points in that direction. Drinking will not bring a person back, clean the dirt out of the ice cream, or get you a job. In fact, it hinders the process of coping and draws it out just that much longer. Even if you get a momentary reprieve from whatever it is that you're going through it just makes the solution (if there is one) that much more long, drawn out, and out of reach.
What are some of yours?
What are the lies that you told yourself and if you're at that point yet, what was your awakening, and what was the result?
Here are a few of mine:
Lie: That I was never going to be able to have fun with my friends again.
Awakening: Very bittersweet but I soon found out that those who I called my friends were mostly people who I could drowned myself in alcohol with who would never judge how much I drank. If I did something stupid or said something stupid I never had to worry about forgiveness. I gave them what they needed to justify the addiction and they supplied the same for me. The care and concern we showed for each other was more false emotion displayed so that we had someone to drink with. Most of those friends are gone, they won't hang out with me anymore because I make them feel uncomfortable. They perceive me as judging them. I can see the justification falsehoods that are coming out of their mouths and much of what they say half the time doesn't make sense to me anymore.
Result: I have found friends who have common interests that are real and who are not just warm bodies to share in the drinking experience with. Their care, concern, and interest in me is real just as it is for me with them.
Lie: X happened and I am so upset that I need to drink.
Awakening: X = anything you could possibly find as a reason to drink. Could be anything from someone dying, losing a job, all the way to the other spectrum of dropping your ice cream and it landed the wrong way. An excuse is an excuse no matter what it is.
Result: Drinking makes nothing better. Not to mention, did you ever notice that if you were upset about something and drank because of it what the end result is? You sit there and cry in your (insert choice of drink) about it. So it really isn't about drinking to make you feel better, it's still an excuse to drink and nothing more. The realization that alcohol solves no problem and that it's just the addiction that points in that direction. Drinking will not bring a person back, clean the dirt out of the ice cream, or get you a job. In fact, it hinders the process of coping and draws it out just that much longer. Even if you get a momentary reprieve from whatever it is that you're going through it just makes the solution (if there is one) that much more long, drawn out, and out of reach.
What are some of yours?
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
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Thanks LB. Quite insightful and accurate.
In my case I could not accept the fact that I’m an alcoholic partly because that word was like evil and I wasn’t. In the meetings it was said how important being honest about our drinking was in our progress toward sobriety. When I finally did get as honest as I could at the time acceptance that I could not drink in safety became my springboard.
Certainly a lot of work over the years followed with the result today of a feeling of being comfortable in my own skin most of the time. I really can’t want to add much more than that because with that feeling I’ve been able to do things I never imagined.
BE WELL
In my case I could not accept the fact that I’m an alcoholic partly because that word was like evil and I wasn’t. In the meetings it was said how important being honest about our drinking was in our progress toward sobriety. When I finally did get as honest as I could at the time acceptance that I could not drink in safety became my springboard.
Certainly a lot of work over the years followed with the result today of a feeling of being comfortable in my own skin most of the time. I really can’t want to add much more than that because with that feeling I’ve been able to do things I never imagined.
BE WELL
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Great post, LB!
Here is one of my biggest lessons in life so far. For me this is applicable to many different areas of my life, not just addiction and recovery. I also believe this is a common complex experience many of us have gone through in recovery, either using an established program or in our own terms.
Lie: The illusion of power and control. Came from trusting my own mind excessively. That I am fiercely independent, self-sufficient, capable of finding and making my own decisions and my own ways to mostly everything I want to tackle, even when it goes against general consensus or opinion. I can pull off my eccentricity no matter what. In the context of my drinking, I believed that I could maintain it and not get too bad, or if I feel it gets out of control I would just stop and change direction.
Awakening: Came from getting trapped in a complex net of addictions, obsessions, and psychological dependence. I really turned my life upside down due to these, broke my own plans, etc. I did not have much denial about all this and saw it for what it was... I just could not accept I no longer had much conscious influence over these things and how my life unfolded at that point. The real awakening came from a major depressive episode I had after >5 years into this self-destructive lifestyle. I just lost all of those "wonderful" abilities above and even many of the most basic functions. I could not make any decent decision. So, textbook severe episode. Still would not seek help, just hide and dig deeper into it. After a while, some people I was supposed to work with, found out about my misery. That was the life-changing event: these people took on most of my work and challenges and helped me in ways I could never imagine before. I learned how to be vulnerable because I had no choice. Still would not go to a doctor or anything, and decided to get out of my depression by myself. It took me ~about another year until I finally decided to tackle the alcohol problem and associated other issues, using a variety of external help sources. I felt pretty comfortable seeking help this time. That was this January.
Result: A wonderful relief that I DO NOT need that illusion of independence at all, and that the truth is that everything in life and the Universe is interdependent, me included, being part of this gigantic system. The vulnerability I learned to express in the worst of my despair and depression is making much more genuine, authentic human relationships possible. I also grew to really enjoy team work with my colleagues, because I clearly recognize the benefits - something I was not very fond of earlier in my life. I've learned that I get a lot out of helping others as well - a role I never identified with when younger. So, interestingly, letting go of that stubborn illusion of independence has given me a greater sense of freedom than anything I'd experienced before.
Here is one of my biggest lessons in life so far. For me this is applicable to many different areas of my life, not just addiction and recovery. I also believe this is a common complex experience many of us have gone through in recovery, either using an established program or in our own terms.
Lie: The illusion of power and control. Came from trusting my own mind excessively. That I am fiercely independent, self-sufficient, capable of finding and making my own decisions and my own ways to mostly everything I want to tackle, even when it goes against general consensus or opinion. I can pull off my eccentricity no matter what. In the context of my drinking, I believed that I could maintain it and not get too bad, or if I feel it gets out of control I would just stop and change direction.
Awakening: Came from getting trapped in a complex net of addictions, obsessions, and psychological dependence. I really turned my life upside down due to these, broke my own plans, etc. I did not have much denial about all this and saw it for what it was... I just could not accept I no longer had much conscious influence over these things and how my life unfolded at that point. The real awakening came from a major depressive episode I had after >5 years into this self-destructive lifestyle. I just lost all of those "wonderful" abilities above and even many of the most basic functions. I could not make any decent decision. So, textbook severe episode. Still would not seek help, just hide and dig deeper into it. After a while, some people I was supposed to work with, found out about my misery. That was the life-changing event: these people took on most of my work and challenges and helped me in ways I could never imagine before. I learned how to be vulnerable because I had no choice. Still would not go to a doctor or anything, and decided to get out of my depression by myself. It took me ~about another year until I finally decided to tackle the alcohol problem and associated other issues, using a variety of external help sources. I felt pretty comfortable seeking help this time. That was this January.
Result: A wonderful relief that I DO NOT need that illusion of independence at all, and that the truth is that everything in life and the Universe is interdependent, me included, being part of this gigantic system. The vulnerability I learned to express in the worst of my despair and depression is making much more genuine, authentic human relationships possible. I also grew to really enjoy team work with my colleagues, because I clearly recognize the benefits - something I was not very fond of earlier in my life. I've learned that I get a lot out of helping others as well - a role I never identified with when younger. So, interestingly, letting go of that stubborn illusion of independence has given me a greater sense of freedom than anything I'd experienced before.
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Originally Posted by Gronk 
I am have to run.....but two great posts which I will re-read later, thank you....keep them coming everyone, I for one am at a point I need them.......
What I was wishing for in doing this is for the newcomers to see that we know what you're going through and there is hope. Even if you feel like you're at the end of your rope and hanging on by a thread there is a way out. What seems scary and unreachable is out there and the journey will be hard and will cause discomfort. There is a light at the end of that tunnel though and all that work is so well worth it.
There will come a day that you'll experience life as it's meant to be and I promise. You will look back on all the fears that you had and see the lies, have the awakenings, and smile at the result. You will gain YOU back, the REAL you. That is one of the greatest gifts of sobriety but it doesn't come without some hard work.
You CAN do this!
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Lie: I have plenty of time to give it up, I'll do that next year/after Christmas/when I'm not so stressed. It's not affecting me -- except for the hangovers -- my health is good.
Awakening: All of a sudden I was 57 not 37 with high blood pressure, constant headaches and niggling aches and pains. I got breathless if I ran up stairs or walked too far.
Result: I was doing it all to myself because everything cleared up when I stopped, ate properly and exercised moderately. If I'm lucky I've got another 25-30 sober years ahead of me. I intend being a vital useful old woman and I'll do that by being sober, looking outward and being grateful.
Awakening: All of a sudden I was 57 not 37 with high blood pressure, constant headaches and niggling aches and pains. I got breathless if I ran up stairs or walked too far.
Result: I was doing it all to myself because everything cleared up when I stopped, ate properly and exercised moderately. If I'm lucky I've got another 25-30 sober years ahead of me. I intend being a vital useful old woman and I'll do that by being sober, looking outward and being grateful.
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