SillyJameson

Hey everyone I am new to this site. I've been struggling with alcohol abuse since I was 13 & my 27th birthday is 4 days away. I really want to be sober. 6 months ago I made the decision to cut it completely out. I have lapsed 3 times since, it's only been 4 days since my last drink. I have a little support from family & friends. As much as I know the sevarity of my problem no one else does.

Dee74

Welcome to SJ - you'll find a lot of support here

why do you think you keep going back to drinking?

D

SillyJameson

I wish I knew. I drink to the point where I cant remember anything. I'll go out & either say I'm not drinking sometimes I can accomplish that. But I can say no no no no no every day for months & then that 1 Yes leads to another blackout & the day after of me feeling guilty & ashamed of myself crying in bed for hours, I also get violently ill, I can have 2 beers or 8 jack and cokes I will vomit for 24 hours after the night out sometimes more.

Dee74

I had to accept that it was the first drink that got me drunk and bought all the bad stuff with it, so...no more first drinks.

It wasn't easy but it got easier and I'm eternally glad I made that commitment

D

Alphabet

Welcome! Glad to have you here. Sorry chat kept kicking you out earlier, but hope we get to chat sometime soon.

SillyJameson

Me and my boyfriend recently broke up, I told myself I would not go through this break up by drinking my pain away I said I would be the driver the first night I went out to insure I wouldnt touch a drink, ended up blacking out. I didnt drive. I'm about to be 27 & I cant do this anymore to myself or my body. Absolutely NO ONE understands in my life. Everyone sees me as this put together girl & have no idea how much pain I'm in. It's at the point right now where i either have to work weekends or lock myself in the house all day to insure i dont drink. I can only do that for so long. I dont know how to get a hold of this.

Altoids

Hi SillyJameson
Welcome to SR. This is a great place to start. You'll find a lot of wisdom, encouragement, support and some fun here on SR.

SillyJameson

Thanks Everyone! I need it

SillyJameson

has AA helped any of you? ive tried numerous times. But maybe I wasnt fully commited...

Coldfusion

AA helped me and my wife. We were fully committed to sobriety, and did whatever it took to stay sober.

Altoids

I use a couple of methods. I really like and identify mostly with AVRT. . . BUT, I'm a social person so go to AA meetings. It took me a while to find a group I was comfortable with, so try a different AA group if you weren't comfortable. So, between SR, AVRT and AA, I kinda built a program that works for me.

SillyJameson

Thank you I'm going to look into those....just a little insight on how alone I feel. My family knows I've been trying to kick this habit, My father & sis especially. I'm on the phone with my sister today & she asked if I was going to start drinking again because of my slip up last week & I said no...her response is its okay dont worry you'll be able to drink one day without blacking out. It angers me so much but then I have to understand they dont understand. They dont know what they do to me when they allow me to think it's okay to drink. When I first told my father about me wanting to get sober, I told him how I went to my first meeting. His reponse was "dont go to those" one day your going to apply for a job & that will follow you. Instead of being proud he was ashamed & did not like it. Thats the kind of support I have. Ive been on my own since I was 19. He has seen me blacked out, he's seen me sick,I've went to him telling him I needed help at 22 after a horrible night. After my relapse a couple months after being sober 3 months my longest time ever without it occured where but at dinner with family. I decided i could have one wine which in return was the next 3 days of drinking. So this week I have finally decided I have to do this on my own & wanting it for myself is the only way I'll beat this.

SillyJameson

I've met so many alcoholics/addicts that resent their family & friends at times because they get told over & over that what their doing is wrong. I wish I had that, I have 0 people telling me to stop. After my breakup w my bf a couple weeks I hit an emotional bottom I've never felt before. He was the only person in my whole life that told me I needed to stop. He's the reason that I woke up. But losing him I realised how badly I want it for myself even if I have no support. I need to build support & just stay strong till I have that.

FeenixxRising

Welcome Jameson. Stick around here for awhile, and you should find a way to get a hold of this. I understand the relapses. I was the same way, but I didn't give up; each time I fell, I picked myself back-up and recommitted. My foundation for stopping was finally admitting that I was no longer capable of drinking with control. Once I admitted to myself that quitting for good was the only sane, I was able to fight a little harder.

Have you considered a self-help program to help you? There are number of programs that are free and hold regular meetings. The link below provides a list of programs available:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

Myresolve

Hello and welcome I understand About going out which by habit always involves being around drinking. Right now it sux to be single. I would be fine staying home or just something like going to the movies, but the desire to meet someone compels me to go out and thats when temptation is the greatest. I went out tonite but came home early cuz i was tempted and the bar scene sux when ur sober lol. As for AA i live in a small town so there is only one location i didnt care for it just a bunch of old guys that havn't drank in so long they dont remember what it was like. I even suspected some never had a problem thy just liked the free coffee and conversation. also i always had a problem with saying im powerless over alcohol. If i am then i can justify saying i drink and its not my fault because after all im powerless. NO its my powerfulness that is going to beat this

SillyJameson

Thank you for that link, I have spent my entire Friday off researching helpful tools that's how I came along this website! Usually I would go out & fight the urges or stay in & keep busy but enoughs enough I just want to kick this demon! all this advice is helping. Im writing everything down & Im not going to stop trying untill I am happy sober.

SillyJameson

MYRESOLVE i can 100% relate! my ex & I just broke up 2 weeks ago, he was the only person in my circle that was sober, so as soon as that was done it took me about 24 hours to start drinking and partying again. I could easily go back to that life. It's my first time single & sober & @ first I was very nervous about what was about to happen to me but I know I can do this. It is hard to stop @ 27 but I know that reward is much greater. My alcohol abuse will have no happy ending. If that means staying in for the next few weeks till i figure out a plan I'll deal with it. Usually after a breakup people want to rage and hook up with a million people & forget about my ex. I dont care about any of that I just want to stay sober & I will be a happy girl.

FeenixxRising

It's tough at first Jameson, but with time the urges diminish. Personally, I was just sick and tired of being sick and tired. I found that focusing on how much better my sober life would be helped me get through the first few weeks. And it was no surprise that I found out once I removed booze from my life I also removed most of the my major problems.

It's been my experience that we are all much stronger than we believe we are, so fight the good fight, as it's well worth it.

SillyJameson

& Yes I hear you! going out trying to meet people is hard when all your friends do are bars or clubs, but then I imagine myself sober. Imagine the person you'll meet in your sober state, it'll be so worth it! sometimes i think i dated all the wrong guys because I was drinking & didnt have a clear head

SillyJameson

I am 100% sick of being sick and tired.