unease7

:feedback I know this comes from trust issues I have with my AH but does anyone think that cheating goes along with all the other selfish behavior that active alcoholics ingage in ? Im not sure if its that or just having seen with my own eyes him acting in so many ways I never thought he would be capable of even down to just the nasty way he will talk to me or the extreme blame shifting and NO mercy guilt trips but I dont think there is ANY think I would think he wouldnt do at this point. I know he has broken his vows to me in every way a person could and I now wonder maybe there's been more ? It scares me to think these things but with what he did tell me I Knew he not only broke vows but he had also put my health at risk which he didnt even seem to consider since according to him this was not cheating...I dont know just curious to see others opinions on these things

Thumper

IMO cheating and alcoholism are two different issues. Not every alcoholic cheats. I have no reason to think my ex cheated.

Your husband - I have no idea. I'm sorry you have to worry about it though .

lillamy

I agree with Thumper. I think a person who cheats will cheat whether they're an alcoholic or not. A person who is faithful remains faithful even as a drunk.

I know people will blame being drunk -- and say things like "it didn't matter because I was so blacked out I didn't even know what was happening"... but that doesn't cut it for me. In a relationship where you care about and love the person you're with, you don't cheat no matter how drunk you get. It's a separate issue.

Now -- can a selfish person be both an alcoholic and a cheater? Absolutely.

I'm sorry you have to worry about this. I think it's important to remember in both cases that the three Cs cover cheating too (at least in my book) -- and nothing you did caused him to cheat.

heartbrokenK

I think they are 2 different issues. Is my husband an addict-yes. But I don't have any reason to believe he has cheated. My husband when he has been in some form of recovery has said that anytime he has talked Down to me it really had nothing to do with me. I believe the saying is point a finger and someone and there are 3 pointing back at you. I do know the harsh reality of lost trust though. For me if I let myself go there I will second guess everything that has been said and happened. It's very hard to change the thought process. At least it is for me

NWGRITS

Cheating is separate from the addiction. I never let poor behavior be waved off because of drinking. Nope, no free passes.

allysen

IMO, people with addictions and people who cheat do have something in common: they are looking for happiness outside of themselves. It never surprises me to read in this forum about someone's A having been caught cheating.