meggygoround30

My XAB dragged me back in.

He texted me the other day and said it's important which means my cat. He said since I left she's been acting different, fighting with the younger cat (they were best friends), not using the litter box. I can't have pets in my apartment so I can't take her. Then he informed me his fiancee (I love this: we broke up in December, he went to rehab, and is already engaged!) moved in and brought her cat. So now my cat is even worse and he said he's giving her away.

I was soooo mad! That cat stuck with me through four years of hell living with him. I couldn't take her with me and couldn't be picky about an apartment because of my safety and I had already been turned down a few times. So all day I was texting him back and forth about how he's being an ******* for caring more about his fiancee he just met and not giving my cat or his sobriety time to adjust. I know it's really bad for me to respond and every time I feel like I've made progress my emotions go crazy again. It kills me thinking of her so miserable and none of this is her fault.

Now my heart hurts not just for my cat but because I still ******* love him and HE'S ENGAGED. I don't ever want to be in a relationship again. How the hell is he engaged? Plus they met in AA. I just...grrr. I don't even know. I'm so angry he's giving my cat away, I'm angry he's engaged, and I'm sad thinking about my poor kitty who deserves a million times better.

mejo

This is called the thirteenth step. It will not last. Sick attracts sick.

Do you have anyone else to take the cat? At least until you can get a place that allows cats?

WendyOR

My ex husband divorced me three and a half years into our marriage. He was addicted to alcohol. He was military and working with guns and what not. His father ran treatment centers throughout California. My dad knew Speaker of the House Tom Foley at the time.... between the two of them and me barging into the General's office and getting so scolded by everyone for not doing the chain of command, he was put into treatment to detox within 24 hours. He had to stay in the hospital for six weeks. He met the love of his life there... however, they got out, and had their fling, but he had a flight attendant on the hook too... and ended up marrying her. Our divorce was final in August and he married flight attendant three months later... yep... three months. It lasted six months. She left him for a person of higher rank. Karma stinks. Anyhow... after that he married a girl in new York. He was in a motor cycle wreck, dui, and nearly died. He was in civilian clothes and in shock... they could not find his id... he gave them my number... weird. Divorced her.... went onto to four, five and #6 he was back to his love of his life, he met in rehab... Candy. This is over a 25 year span mind you. Well, he left her in the middle of the night while she was sleeping. hmmmm... She had two daughters... one was older the other was about six years younger. The older one was a month younger than my daughter I had with him. Guess who the daddy was? GRIN. Amusing now. He knew her before rehab... they both just happened to get admitted at the same time. He has been in and out his whole life. Very saddening.

WendyOR

I hope you can find a good home for your cat. Please be kind to yourself.

readerbaby71

I'm sorry. Can you find a friend or family member who can take your cat? HUGS to you. xo

meggygoround30

I don't know anyone who can take her. One of the neighbours at my old apartment will take her to the shelter she volunteers at. I just hate not being able to help her.

dandylion

meggygoround30.......I have learned that one rents the apartment. Then, later, sneaks the cat in. Cats (unlike most dogs) are pretty easy to hide. I have done that for years...in several different places. At least, it would buy you some time to find another place.
For anyone who wants to attack my moral character on this....please don't bother...as I have made my peace with God on this one. I take my responsibilities to God's little creatures as seriously as I take humans.

There are also no-kill shelters. You might take the kitty to one...even if you do have to drive some distance to do so. Many of those will foster the cat out.

There are ways.....

dandylion

As for the boyfriend.....you will do better in life without him, I suspect......they both sound like very shallow and selfish people, to me. Sorry to say.

redatlanta

I would sneak the cat in like Dandylion suggests.

Moral character lol….Dandy I guess you are an animal lover as well.

Dojang

Ditto about sneaking the cat in. Animals are a great source of comfort & you need that right now.

HopefulinFLA

Yup,.what Dandelion said! To hell with the rules, kitty needs a home.

hopeful4

Lol i snuck cats in even in college!!

ladyscribbler

When I was stationed at Ft. Hood living in the barracks people kept cats in their barracks rooms without being detected.
I'm a total cat person, but sadly my brother is allergic.

Resolv

Sneak the cat in. The cat needs you as demonstrated by the drastic change in behavior. Its easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.

SeriousKarma

KarmaKitty, who is lying on the bed next to me right now, is sending you lovey eyes. Which, of course, means (((( hugs )))) in cat language.

killerinstinct

Oh my god Wendy the horror!!! Far out and to think how many years you spent depressed over him when you see this outcome??

killerinstinct

Meggy, it happened to me.. I know what your going through. I'm sorry to get your hopes up but they won't last!!!! My ex did the same but left with me with a baby and for a woman with two kids... I'll never know how many other women he slept with/got involved with inbetween but I do know that every now and then I get an aggro message from him which I know is because he's having drama with women, when this happens I feel better about myself because I realise he had this issue not me.. so maybe when this happens for you you won't take it personally anymore??

Tamerua

Sending hugs.

Can you post your kitty plight on FB? We got our dog through a similar means.

SillyJameson

TRUST me when i tell you It wont last! you might feel angry now, give it a few months before you start hearing about their problems. Just be happy it isnt you!

DragonInTheSky

Having volunteered at animal shelters for years, the "I can't keep my dog or my cat anymore because of my living situation..." is the biggest and oldest excuse in the book. The cat is yours - she is your responsibility, not your exes or anyone else's. If your cat was a child, I'm sure you'd find a way to make it work, so find a way. And if you really can't find a way, then give her to a shelter that will help her find a better home than what your ex is providing. Whatever you do, don't just leave her in what sounds like a terrible environment. That's not fair to her, she deserves better than that, just as you do.

WendyOR

I didn't stay depressed with xah for too many years. That was so long ago. I kept in contact with my exfil until the day he passed. I would not keep him from the kids. He was a ra, and even he relapsed many times. In fact, he got three dui's and went to prison for three years over it... or was it four? And he... (xafil) was the CEO and founder of treatment centers. Anyhow, he came to see the kids one year, and he said to me at dinner, (insert name here) told me that he is still in love with you, and when he left you, it was the worst thing he could have ever done. I don't know why I said it, as it was kind of mean.... but I said, and he is right. He said he often would call him drunk crying over me... our daughter... etc. He was not trying to get me to go back to him or anything... but, I just thought... never in a million years. He obviously agreed with my answer to him. He died of cancer to the brain. He really thought that it was caused by his alcoholism. He said I have not proof... other than it lowered my t cells allowing the cancer to grow.