A long road - Part 2
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
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A long road - Part 2
This is part 2 of the thread "A long road". I had to split it because it got too long for the server. Part 1 is here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-1-a.html
Mike
Moderator, SR
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-1-a.html
Mike
Moderator, SR
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Well, crummy, but maybe thats good..haha
I stated yesterday, to him, through the door, that the 12th is the day they will turn off the internet. he just said, ok. then proceeded to fuss, coming out of his cave and saying his usual... why, what, blab blab...
finally i said, "just one hour a week and you cannot do that to have internet?" That shut him up, for some reason. I hope that means he is thinking about that.
he knows where to call. I think I will like the samsung 7"
hugs!
I stated yesterday, to him, through the door, that the 12th is the day they will turn off the internet. he just said, ok. then proceeded to fuss, coming out of his cave and saying his usual... why, what, blab blab...
finally i said, "just one hour a week and you cannot do that to have internet?" That shut him up, for some reason. I hope that means he is thinking about that.
he knows where to call. I think I will like the samsung 7"
hugs!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
the fact that he refuses to give you the respect of speaking to you FTF is another reason to stick to your original plan...that is just rude and he is acting so entitled protecting the privacy of space YOU PROVIDE for him, rent free, free utilities, free internet, free laundry service, free maid service and grocery service..everything he HAS is courtesy of mama.
maybe you want to tell him if he can't speak to you FTF, the door is coming off and have your son in law there when you say it.
I'm sorry to sound so harsh , but this thread was begun 2 MONTHS ago and he is still jerking your chain and has done nothing to get his own phone, 1/2 hearted attempts to get a job (it doesn't take CIA clearance to work at mcdonalds)...his line is getting old. and he is doing what he has done for 8 years, wear you out.
maybe you want to tell him if he can't speak to you FTF, the door is coming off and have your son in law there when you say it.
I'm sorry to sound so harsh , but this thread was begun 2 MONTHS ago and he is still jerking your chain and has done nothing to get his own phone, 1/2 hearted attempts to get a job (it doesn't take CIA clearance to work at mcdonalds)...his line is getting old. and he is doing what he has done for 8 years, wear you out.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Chicory,
You are doing great. All of this is a process and takes time. You are trying to make necessary and difficult changes so be gentle with yourself.
Hugs!!
Ps. 2 months? Heck, it took me 2 YEARS to finally leave my STBXAH after joining SR and therapy. We all do things in our own time.
You are doing great. All of this is a process and takes time. You are trying to make necessary and difficult changes so be gentle with yourself.
Hugs!!
Ps. 2 months? Heck, it took me 2 YEARS to finally leave my STBXAH after joining SR and therapy. We all do things in our own time.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Well, to be really honest with you,Refiner, you do not know my situation. I resent you inferring that I am making excuses. I assure you I am not. It this thread bothers you, please put me on ignore. I do not need negative feedback right now. I am getting all the help I need, with therapy, and my support system here.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
bump, I guess tomorrow is the day you will shut off your internet service? I hope you are OK and take care of YOUR needs in that you have a plan to keep in touch with us.
I hope that things improve and the road finally gets some fresh pavement.
I hope that things improve and the road finally gets some fresh pavement.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
oh Chic, I was thinking that you were out with family or friends since you had been scarce around these parts.
I hope things calm down for you soon.
I remember going through crapola with LMF (she was 16), she absolutely drove me right over the edge by creating both drama and trauma. Eventually I sent her to live with her father (across the highway one mile away), I could NOT control her and she was still a minor. She wouldn't DARE disrespect her father, drunk or sober, he was able to reign her in to finish school, she did what he said, no other options were given.
she spent many an evening in counseling and therapy and the 3 of us spent many a Saturday in family counseling to air our grievances.
I hope things calm down for you soon.
I remember going through crapola with LMF (she was 16), she absolutely drove me right over the edge by creating both drama and trauma. Eventually I sent her to live with her father (across the highway one mile away), I could NOT control her and she was still a minor. She wouldn't DARE disrespect her father, drunk or sober, he was able to reign her in to finish school, she did what he said, no other options were given.
she spent many an evening in counseling and therapy and the 3 of us spent many a Saturday in family counseling to air our grievances.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Chicory.....I know that you were in dread of this day as it was very predictable that he was going to be angry. Good move to call the hotline. That shows that you can take constructive action under fire, so to speak.
Are you going to work today? I think getting out of house for most of the day would be best for you. Could you get an emergency appointment with your therapist---in form of a phone call, even?
Hang tight, Chicory till this storm passes over.
dandylion
I believe that this is the day that the internet is turned off....?
Chicory...I can't tell you the number of similar angry exchanges I have been through when I was facing the same thing.
By the mercy of God I lived through it...and, so did he. He told me that he hated m e so many times.....and, it hurt like He**. I cried rivers of tears. The hardest thing for me is that I didn't have the kind of support that I needed, at the time. In desperation...I finally found more help and understanding and knowledge. I certainly needed more understanding of alcoholism than I had at the time. Now he tells me that he is ashamed of how he behaved "back then".....and he tells me that he loves me.
Are you going to work today? I think getting out of house for most of the day would be best for you. Could you get an emergency appointment with your therapist---in form of a phone call, even?
Hang tight, Chicory till this storm passes over.
dandylion
I believe that this is the day that the internet is turned off....?
Chicory...I can't tell you the number of similar angry exchanges I have been through when I was facing the same thing.
By the mercy of God I lived through it...and, so did he. He told me that he hated m e so many times.....and, it hurt like He**. I cried rivers of tears. The hardest thing for me is that I didn't have the kind of support that I needed, at the time. In desperation...I finally found more help and understanding and knowledge. I certainly needed more understanding of alcoholism than I had at the time. Now he tells me that he is ashamed of how he behaved "back then".....and he tells me that he loves me.
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Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 2,968
Be safe Chicory, for our family it was at that point of intolerable, out of control
and misery. I found in hindsight that it had to come to its highest level of terrible
before all the proactive work that hubby and I did started to work. You have worked
this very productively for yourself/son and perhaps this is the turning point.
I send my affection and my best prayers. I think uncomfortable is a kind way to say it..
Somehow it seems to me I used vulgar language that even made me blush!
and misery. I found in hindsight that it had to come to its highest level of terrible
before all the proactive work that hubby and I did started to work. You have worked
this very productively for yourself/son and perhaps this is the turning point.
I send my affection and my best prayers. I think uncomfortable is a kind way to say it..
Somehow it seems to me I used vulgar language that even made me blush!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Well, no one called him or me today, from the crisis center, as they said they were going to. Maybe they are too busy with all the other crazies.
today was his last chance to make an appt. He has refused. I talked to the internet co. a few minutes ago, and will decide whether to just put it on seasonal hold or turn it off. I dont really want to use a small device for a year, you know? I think that if I put it on seasonal hold, I can turn it back on in six months, without having to pay another fee to have it turned back on. In six months i reckon things will be different here. somehow.
I am headed to wally world again. have done some research. daughter is going with me tomorrow to see what we can find and at the best price. she is a good bargain finder
will be around tonight, off work tomorrow, but tomorrow I hope I will have some sort of internet for me. I guess if he goes bonkers tomorrow, I will call the crisis center. and let them evaluate him then, which should calm him down. but if not, they can take him to a hospital, should he be out of control. I dont think it will come to that, but I will call in help should he become abusive.
I have an appt next wednesday with my therapist.
You are all right. Maybe this will bring something positive. Its a sure thing that if nothing changes, nothing changes.. I learned that here
big hugs, and thank yous, because I am grateful for your help
It has kept me sane.
today was his last chance to make an appt. He has refused. I talked to the internet co. a few minutes ago, and will decide whether to just put it on seasonal hold or turn it off. I dont really want to use a small device for a year, you know? I think that if I put it on seasonal hold, I can turn it back on in six months, without having to pay another fee to have it turned back on. In six months i reckon things will be different here. somehow.
I am headed to wally world again. have done some research. daughter is going with me tomorrow to see what we can find and at the best price. she is a good bargain finder
will be around tonight, off work tomorrow, but tomorrow I hope I will have some sort of internet for me. I guess if he goes bonkers tomorrow, I will call the crisis center. and let them evaluate him then, which should calm him down. but if not, they can take him to a hospital, should he be out of control. I dont think it will come to that, but I will call in help should he become abusive.
I have an appt next wednesday with my therapist.
You are all right. Maybe this will bring something positive. Its a sure thing that if nothing changes, nothing changes.. I learned that here
big hugs, and thank yous, because I am grateful for your help
It has kept me sane.
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