rvrnbch4

Day 15 -
I wrote a long, heartfelt post asking advice about sober sex...and, my phone deleted it before I could post! Arrrggggg. So, here is the short version. I've been married 15 yrs to an amazing man, we have 4 beautiful kids. I hv always struggled with insecurity and alcohol seemed to help. It relaxed me, made me more adventurous and amorous. If I knew that 'tonight is the night' I would shave my legs & drink a bottle of wine. I don't want to see myself naked let alone anyone else, and drinking took that thought away. These last few weeks have been huge for me! I haven't gone this long without drinking in years. I'm craving sugar like crazy & the migraines are bad, but I'm proud of myself. Now, its time to get back to normal, and be more intimate than just an early morning quicky, but I don't know if I can! Is this normal? I hvnt been able to get to meetings because we are in the home stretch of summer, so I don't know who to ask. Thank you! And happy almost Fri!

LBrain

Two months before sex became an issue for me. Meaning I didn't even care about it. Maybe longer. At two weeks you are already dealing with a lot of emotions. Don't force yourself or get too worried about it right now. Let your body and emotions get used to the new you.
Shave your legs everyday. You never know...

Thepatman

Personally I think that with time things should settle down and get back to normal.

Maybe if it's planned ahead of time too much is what is stressing you. Let nature follow it's course.

andyroo72

Hey there,

I can totally relate to what you're talking about. I haven't had a drink for maybe six weeks now and I've had one vaguely significant intimate entanglement in that time. (Say that three times fast lol)

I'm totally unsure of myself to be honest. Without alcohol (or some other drug) I'm really unconfident and don't seem to know my ass from my elbow. It's quite nervous making, I think. I've been round the block quite a few times but this new sober me seems to have the confidence and, almost, the experience of a sixteen year old.

I think that's ok, though. There's different ways of growing up. Maybe I'm nowhere near as grown up sexually as I thought I was. I find that daunting, but I'm trying to remember that scary stuff is, generally speaking, worth doing. I'm sure, given time and taking it very easy on myself I will achieve sexual maturity sometime in my 80s :=]

Seriously, though, I'm ok with it. I've got to shift my thinking and be kind to myself. I'd far rather be dawky and awkward and sober.

DoubleBarrel

In early recovery, it was certainly weird.

It gets better. Lots.

Talk to your partner. TALK a LOT.

Dee74

I really agree with the advice here - can you talk to your partner - let them know how you're feeling and how strange and a little confronting this all is?

D

taramaree

Can you talk to your husband? When I drank, I actually enjoyed sober sex better, was easier to orgasm, etc. ( in the dark that was!) lol, so I can totally relate to what you're saying about body issues. 15 years and 4 kids is a serious accomplishment! I'm sure your husband is SUPER proud of you! Sober sex is amazing and raw, especially when it's with someone as amazing as you say your husband is. Good luck to you, and talk to him when you feel comfortable. I bet he will calm your fears. Open and honest communication goes a long way when you're ready to talk.

rvrnbch4

He is very understanding,but very needy. He's sort of like the female in the relationship when it comes to intimacy, affection, talking about feelings etc. Lol. His love language is definitely touch & affection, so me wanting my space is hard on him. I'm just trying to get through the day, being romantic is not on the agenda.I'm just hoping it gets easier. Thank you for the advice & encouraging words.