ElleDee

I'm having some difficulties finding a sponsor. There are few women at the meetings I go to... mostly old men. So I specifically started going to meetings that I heard had more women at them. Even a woman-only meeting. But I'm kind of an introvert... so going up to someone and asking them if they will be my sponsor is a challenge. Twice I've been turned down. Once was just a flat out no. The second time was I can't do it, I'm already sponsoring too many people, come back next week and talk to so and so, she's on vacation this week. Well I asked this person because I liked what she said at meetings and her 30 years of sobriety... no wonder she's sponsoring many people. Anyway I felt kinda rejected. I have a female friend in the program who I can talk to but she doesn't want to sponsor me because she doesn't have time.

I guess I expected it to be easier. Am I doing this wrong? Do I really need a sponsor? There are some guys I could ask but I heard that's not a good idea.

Try18

Definitely stick with women for women men for men. Why don't you share next time at the women's meeting that you are looking for a sponsor? Or try Big Book meetings, I dunno about in the US but over here quite often they are the type that you will find women who are available to sponsor at.

Don't give up, there will be someone for you! And don't be disheartened by people turning you down, it happens and its to do with them. Not you :hug

ElleDee

Thanks for the advice. I think it would be a good idea to mention it when I'm sharing... because how do you even find out if someone wants to be a sponsor? I will keep trying.

Meraviglioso

I don't go to AA (I actually wish I could but for several reasons can't where I am) but I think mentioning it at a meeting sounds like a good idea. I imagine it is the same as finding a therapist you work well with, you might need to try out a few first to find one you have a good connection with.

LBrain

at every meeting around here they ask all home group members willing to be a sponsor , raise your hands. every single meeting here.
do you have a home group yet? get a home group and show up every meeting, eventually someone will come to you

or ask for a temporary sponsor

KissMyTiara

Many years ago I attended AA to find out what its all about. (I don't attend now). But near the end of each meeting the chairperson asked all those that would willing to be sponsors please raise your hand. That way you could see who was willing and available. There were always several people to choose from and you could speak with them afterwards to see who would be best for you. Why don't you ask the chairperson before the meeting if they would do that. I'm sure if would be helpful for you AND other newcomers.

ElleDee

Wow, really? They do that? I've been going to meetings for a while and have never been to one where they asked for sponsors, including my home group. Sometimes they have phone lists but nothing on those indicate if anyone is willing to sponsor. Hmmmm. I'll just have to keep working on this.

desypete

dont be in so much of a rush to find a sponsor elle i am made up your now looking, maybe you havent met the right one just yet ?

for me i choose my sponsor because he was at peace with himself, he wasnt a big gob like me nor did he command authority in meetings
he was quiet and had a good sense of humor and seemed happy with his lot

he didnt preach about steps either which made me even more interested in him
he is like a pop star these days as he gets mobed in aa as people want him to sponsor them or need to talk to him he attracts people like flowers attract bees

he truely is a remarkable fellow he is also my best friend as well as my sponsor he knows exactly how i tick and when i am off beam he makes me laugh at me instead of trying to bully me etc

so treat it like your window shopping and look for the best match for you, dont accept the first person who comes along wanting to sponsor you not unless you feel there right for you
dont ever feel intimidated by a sponsor either if they talk to you hardline and make you feel weak and you should obey them then run a mile and find someone else who is more laid back

just a few pointers i would give out to anyone who is looking for a sponsor but the end of the day its down to what your going to be happy with

Fly N Buy

Elle - I know you said your introverted, but I have a suggestion that might get you started. FORCE yourself to speak during next meeting(say a little prayer before to help you). Simply say, I am really grateful for this wonderful group of people - thanks. However, I am really struggling now. If anyone (woman) would perhaps consider being a temporary sponsor, I could sure use the help to get off on the right course.

Then say thanks, and see what happens.

I wish I would have found a temporary sponsor - quite common - till I got to know more people. I made what might have been a rash decision - time will tell. But YES, you need a sponsor to be fully engaged, ask questions privately to and work the steps.

Good luck, maybe this will help.....

GracieLou

You might want to find a beginners meeting. There are usually people there that will sponsor or be a temporary sponsor.

Fly N Buy

One more thing you might try....I have heard of remote sponsorship depending on circumstances. Much of my dialogue with my sponsor is over the phone even though they live fairly close.

If you can't find anyone, perhaps look around on SR. Look for a woman who has some good sobriety and is posting a lot of positive things about AA - review a ton of her threads.If you cull through enough you should come up with a few candidates. Look for a woman with a bunch of friends.

Send her a pm and see what she thinks about the idea. If agreeable, send the friends a short PM as a reference.

Now, all that said - be sure of who you are communicating with!!!!!!

Maybe others could add some suggestions to this in terms of plausibility??? Just a thought.

Let us know how it's going, please!

Anna

I hope you have luck finding a sponsor who suits you.

And, remember there is always support here at SR.

Soberpotamus

You mentioned the phone list... I picked a lady's name off a list and called. Actually, I think I called two people and my sponsor ended up being the second one I called. I felt more comfortable just randomly picking someone. We met up and talked a few times and then began work on the steps. It was a fairly painless process.

If you don't find someone in the actual meetings to ask in person, why not pick a name off the list?

ElleDee

You guys are awesome! So many great suggestions and things to consider. I really appreciate it! I posted this a few weeks ago. I had a lady at a meeting recommend her sponsor to me. But she demanded things... like attendance at specific meetings (where she went) and other things... the other things were fine with me... like checking in every day and doing her little "homework" assignments but not telling me what meetings I had to go to (or else). So I did pass on one opportunity.

Yes, I think I'll window shop a bit.

Thanks again to all of you!

LBrain

Just one more thing. Many want to know you are serious and willing to follow suggestions before they will sponsor someone. Just keep going and ask questions. Always ask questions, before or after meetings. Some day a person is going to ask you what your sponsor says. Ask them if they know anyone who could be a sponsor.

Notmyrealname

Don't get discouraged!

Events are independent and singular. The fact that one person can't / won't sponsor you does not have any bearing on whether someone else can / will sponsor you.

The human mind likes to find trends and patterns, even when none exist. It's hard-wired as a survival skill. But as the small children would say, "we r not aminals!" So keep on pluggin' away, you will find what you are looking for.

Tamerua

I like the idea of sharing that you need a sponsor. I wish people would do that more often, actually.

It is nice to have a sponsor. Mine helped me immensely, we worked through the steps, she has taught me about the program, we still meet at least twice a month. but for me, I had to listen and choose one I could relate to.

You will find her!

cookiesncream

I know its not the same as face to face meetings but somebody I met in rehab joined the serenity online AA group for women and I know she found a sponsor that way that she talks to, e-mails. Google it since I'm not sure if we're allowed to post links here but it comes right up-you'll have to subscribe but an option.

least

I believe this is it.


http://www.aaserenity.com/

Nuudawn

Like KissMyTiara noted..I did attend one (and only one) meeting in my 'hood where the Chair asked for a show of hands of people available for temporary sponsorship. I too have not chosen a sponsor to do the steps. I have chosen a homegroup though! It's just a small, seemingly unpopular one with a core group of oh I dunno how to put it..it's a "motley crew" and I am really starting to feel a real kinship with this group. In all honesty it's the only AA meeting I seem to be attending these days (and it met earlier tonight). I almost turned to the woman beside me tonight and asked her to be my sponsor but ultimately didn't. I guess I just wasn't sure yet. Is your sponsor supposed to be from your homegroup? I am really leery bout the sponsorship thing because I don't want anyone telling me I need to go to more meetings.. If I feel like I need a meeting..I will find one but that's MY call. I like my Tuesday group and I will commit to it..but that's that I don't want to..but I do want to do the steps. Argh. I also understand there are actual step meeting groups where people do the steps.

Anybody got any further insight on that? Are step groups common to AA everywhere..and how do you find them?

Ooops..don't mean to hijack ED .but I figure it might be useful for us both?