FreddyBear

Weather is fine, I see everyone is out and about going to the parks, lakes, doing other nice social things. I'm done with the daily work, took a drive for the groceries, went to the gym and got back home. Now I'm sitting with absolutely nothing to do. I have no friends, those from school and uni don't want to do anything with me. 33 is not a good age to start making friends "from scratch".
Tried AA and it's not really my thing. So no social life and nothing really to look forward to. I just eat, sleep, work, go to the gym. This is not my first attempt in sobriety (maybe 20th lol), but going through the same beaten path will not result in anything good.

biminiblue

Keep trying. It's like dating, some people aren't going to like you and a few are.

Use the call list you got at AA. Call people to ask how they are.

Join meetups.com - it is activity with people in your area.

Making a friend takes time and effort. It means giving and being vulnerable. It's like being in sales - the more "no" you hear, the closer you are to a "yes." Keep trying.

Make a plan to do something fun - a music event, or a craft fair or a museum showing or a walk in an arboretum. Ask for one person's phone number at school. Call them and ask them to go. If they say no, ask for someone else's phone number...tell them you have tickets or that you will be paying if you can afford it; or tell them it is free and you would love it if they could go with you. Start with same sex people, you'll build confidence and there will be no undercurrent.

Findingtheway

Good Morning FreddyBear,

I can relate to what you are stating about loneliness being a trigger. What i relate that to is *being stuck in my head* (That's what i refer to it as.)

I would isolate and think drinking would help me deal with it...And the result was always disaster.

I'm now actively going to AA meetings, being active in recovery support groups etc...It's not always fun and sometimes i feel like taking an easier way...

But when that thinking starts up again i know i'm on a precarious/dangerous path.

I've found this site and it's chat room can help with some of it...We are all here to try and assist one another and we are all fighting a common beast.

Good to have met you.

ultradad

Sorry to hear that Freedybear! Isolation is not healthy at all and can be very discouraging!
I hear this a lot on SR, "Tried AA and it just wasn't for me" I get it, when I was younger I tried AA, not really at my own, but through others suggestions and thought it wasn't for me either. Now, I credit God and AA for saving my life. Sometimes we have to be a little uncomfortable in order to reach our goals. We have to remember that this is a disease and it needs to treated as such and calls for treatment. AA is proven treatment for addiction.

I now have friends and a complete support system and don't have to isolate anymore, you can find it all too. PLEASE don't isolate and feel all alone. There's rooms filled with people just like us who will love and cherish you : )

ESD907

Hello. I understand not having much going on. If it were not for my children, who keep me busy, I'd be in same boat. AND you know what, many times I wish I were in that boat. But like most things, the grass is never greener. I think 33 is young (me 49). If I could do it again, boy would I take advantage of things I never did when I was unemcumbered by family life. (NOW I Say I would, but? who knows if I would have really, but in the magic place of IF only I could go back....) I'd join clubs that interested me, I'd volunteer at something I was interested in, volunteers are needed in about everything out there. Perhaps go to those singles trips, white water rafting, etc. Take surfing lessons. Heck I'd take a few art courses, tennis lessons. Maybe another language. I'm trying to do this a bit in my life now also,we volunteer for lake and park cleanups ( I have to do things with my 3 in tow).. we sort food at the food pantry. At least its adult company often. I get to speak to others, and who knows, perhaps one day we'll go for coffee, or something if we hit it off.. And on to AA. My father was in AA 30+ years. Its where all his friends came from. You will not succeed at all things you try, but realize no one does. we don't learn from success, we only learn from failures.
fortsette å prøve.

doggonecarl

You're right. It wasn't easy for me, as an adult. to make new friends. But how else are we going to get friends? From your brief post I can't tell what effort you are putting into meeting new people. I don't want to characterize you, FreddyBear, but many of those who complain the most about being lonely are just sitting around waiting for someone to make the first move.

You could sit there with a sign around your neck saying "Be my friend" but just like recovery, I found action to be key in social interaction .

Friendships start with sociability and shared interests. Find a group of people who share an interest. Book club, movie group, other hobbies. There's people at your gym. Ask someone for advice...or offer it to a newcomer. Go to other places where people congregate. Strike up a converstation. Will you find a lifelong friend? I don't know. But you have to get casual acquaintances before you get deep ones. And that's on you. Good luck.

Nuudawn

I gave up 4 months of sobriety last year...cuz of loneliness and isolating. When I sobered last year I made a list of all the things I could do instead of drinking. "Go to an AA meeting" was on that list. I never did. It wasn't my thing either (don't know if it will ever be my "thing"). Since I gave up that sobriety, I had to look at what went wrong and I knew what those things were. Soooo...I started touring meetings in my area. I ain't going to lie...a lot of it I didn't like. But I met a couple folks that I DID in fact resonate with. Two different gals gave me their phone numbers after good chats in the parking lot after a meeting.

After a couple weeks of meetings I was just about to throw the whole darn thing in the rubbish and try to solider on alone. But then I got to thinking. I had thought long and hard before deciding to return to AA ...and one of those reasons was to "connect with other sober souls"..as well, as strengthen my boundaries and not get P.0'ed and react and run whenever someone gave me unsolicited advice or tried to direct my recovery (what better place than AA to learn this). Anyways, the night I was sitting there alone...NOT going to a meeting..I thought about those TWO gals I met who I liked..who had the sort of sobriety I wanted. Wasn't that the point? I wanted to meet some folks in the real world I "resonated" with..and I had...yet I was still about to throw them ..and AA in the trash. I decided not to...
I texted one of them and asked if she was going to the meeting the following night (there were two meetings in the many I tried that I kind of liked..could tolerate maybe : ).
I have also added one "LifeRing" meeting to my recovery despite the fact it is an hour away.

I NEED to meet other sober souls... so I have decided to expand my horizons and allow more things in my life. The one meeting I did like (or could tolerate..lol) ..was quite small and humble. So..I joined it. I made them my homegroup and I will do the steps ..but I will not make it my entire recovery.
I need to be open to whatever will keep me from "going back" to my old ways.

I am not one of those who is going to tell you that AA is the end all and the be all...I will not switch one obsession for another (yet that what's old wily Bill W. wanted...and to some extent succeeded with)...

But please be open to whatever it is you need. AA is awesome about giving numbers and reaching out. Go and look for someone you might like to know. They are there. AA is like life..you ain't going to like everyone and everything about it. AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO!! In those rooms, you just need to learn to "smile and wave" sometimes.

I have a hard time picking up phones and reaching out. I don't know how to "make plans" and ask people to do things. It's what I need to learn. AA is like the kindergarten of that...they KNOW that part of our addiction..and they make that easier.

Or are there other "recovery groups" in your area. I really liked what LifeRing was all about.

Sorry..don't want to force anything on you. But it's just some of the things I struggle with..but I ain't losing this sobriety over lonelieness and isolating. NO WAY.

DOCBOM

Hang in there Friend, the feeling of being alone will go away. People will come in to your life for certain. If you remain sober you will attract people who are real and worth having in your life. I have meet truly amazing people and made many real Friends. I know in my heart and soul that even if I am by myself I am NEVER alone!!!!

drunktastic1002

I completely get the idea of being lonely and starting over(in many areas) at the age of 33. By the time I was ready to accept recovery and do the work that getting and staying sober requires for me, I did not know how to function with or without a drink. I didn't realize until a few months of being without a drink how many things I had never done sober or just never done. I made so many absolute declarations about who I was, what I could or couldn't do, what I loved or hated. The things was, I was fairly bewildered about life and my place in it constantly asking myself how did I get here and how do I get out? A starting point for me in breaking away from loneliness and isolation was a commitment to being open minded about who I am as a person and not setting too many rules for myself around something I was inexperienced in; sober living. I resumed some activities that my drinking hindered and even started exploring some new ones.Recovery, for me, is about doing things differently.