Can't take any more of this.
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 537
Can't take any more of this.
AH spent the night in hospital again, highly intoxicated and had 'self harmed'.
He'd gotten drunk, sliced up his wrists, called an ambo himself.
They discharged him this morning.
Assessed as NOT a suicide risk?!?!?!?
He kindly txt me today to let me know. I then rang the hospital to find out what I could.
SIL is a nurse and said he couldn't have done too much damage if he was released.
Just spoke to him and he said he's off to the doc now to see whether they can 'recover' his arms. Surely if it were that bad he'd be in hospital?
I'm an absolute mess. I feel like I am bring held hostage. I had this thought before that I WISH I had some escape...drink myself into oblivion - but it's not my thing. Coping and smiling is. Cope and smile. Smile and cope.
I can't do it anymore. I wish he'd...I don't know what. Stop.
I hate, HATE this f'in disease.
He'd gotten drunk, sliced up his wrists, called an ambo himself.
They discharged him this morning.
Assessed as NOT a suicide risk?!?!?!?
He kindly txt me today to let me know. I then rang the hospital to find out what I could.
SIL is a nurse and said he couldn't have done too much damage if he was released.
Just spoke to him and he said he's off to the doc now to see whether they can 'recover' his arms. Surely if it were that bad he'd be in hospital?
I'm an absolute mess. I feel like I am bring held hostage. I had this thought before that I WISH I had some escape...drink myself into oblivion - but it's not my thing. Coping and smiling is. Cope and smile. Smile and cope.
I can't do it anymore. I wish he'd...I don't know what. Stop.
I hate, HATE this f'in disease.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
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They can tell by the location, direction, and depth of the cut if it was a real attempt or not. Men generally don't go that route. They prefer quick and painless, like a shot to the head or chest. For whatever reason, women are way more likely to do pills or slice their wrists. I'm sure they thoroughly assessed him before determining that he wasn't a risk to himself. It sounds like he's unraveling and will do whatever he thinks it'll take to come home. He's obviously off his rocker, which is a big ole NOPE in the Exposure to Children department.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
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It's not your fault. Anything he does is because he's an alcoholic, not because of you. If he's threatening, call the police or paramedics and let them deal with him. He's trying to suck you back in and it's working. But don't ever for a second believe that you could change him. You can't. He's Pissed away his life and it's up to him to decide if he wants to get it back or not. My AM went under a 72-hour psych hold once. She was saying that she was going to off herself. I knew better. She was too lazy and in love with the game to do it. She's NPD in addition to an A. That first stay was almost five years ago. She's lost all of her family, her job, and soon it'll be her house. But she's still kicking, trying to get attention to feed her ego. Eventually they realize that you're not buying it and they'll move onto someone else.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
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All this from the person who was saying they work was going to send him overseas on a promotion.
Jarp, I'm so sorry it's deteriorated so badly. But, he pissed a perfectly good chance up against the wall with detox and the opportunity for counselling.
I completely understand how confronting this is. How does it turn so quickly? It can be shocking. Apart from my ex husband, I know my Mother's demise was very quick and heartbreaking.
Always call the police if he's threatening suicide. It's not our place to handle that as partners, leave it to the professionals. Really. It's a resource, use it.
I know if he's not working, this also puts you under pressure financially. Again, been there. I almost felt like my ex was doing that as ammunition, like - if you won't play his game, then he's going to make it all fall apart. Very hard. You have my commiserations. It's tough.
We have pretty strict gun laws here, NW for civilians, particularly in urban areas - it's nothing near like the states laws at all.
Jarp, I'm so sorry it's deteriorated so badly. But, he pissed a perfectly good chance up against the wall with detox and the opportunity for counselling.
I completely understand how confronting this is. How does it turn so quickly? It can be shocking. Apart from my ex husband, I know my Mother's demise was very quick and heartbreaking.
Always call the police if he's threatening suicide. It's not our place to handle that as partners, leave it to the professionals. Really. It's a resource, use it.
I know if he's not working, this also puts you under pressure financially. Again, been there. I almost felt like my ex was doing that as ammunition, like - if you won't play his game, then he's going to make it all fall apart. Very hard. You have my commiserations. It's tough.
Originally Posted by NWGRITS 
They can tell by the location, direction, and depth of the cut if it was a real attempt or not. Men generally don't go that route. They prefer quick and painless, like a shot to the head or chest. .
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
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Hi Jarp, it sounds like he's reaching crisis point and hopefully he'll get sectioned some time soon. Why is he calling and telling you about it though? I share your frustration.
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I honestly feel that he is trying to push me, and push me to see just how far he has to go before I finally feel sorry for him and let him back.
What he doesn't get is that I couldn't feel more sorry for him than I do already, but it doesn't change my course.
I think he's trying to show everyone how bad he feels, to invoke sympathy, and maybe THE one will come in and swoop down and rescue him.
He's doing this bc he's in pain, but also bc he's trying to control and manipulate.
I may still be allowing him to manipulate my feelings but he can't manipulate my actions.
I won't let him back, and I won't let him near the kids.
He wants 2 hours supervised access to our son on Saturday.
Do I let him do that? He's agreed to discuss it with the counsellor and myself first, immediately prior so I can assess his state of mind and work out whether he's presenting 'well' enough that it will be ok for our little boy.
What to do...
What he doesn't get is that I couldn't feel more sorry for him than I do already, but it doesn't change my course.
I think he's trying to show everyone how bad he feels, to invoke sympathy, and maybe THE one will come in and swoop down and rescue him.
He's doing this bc he's in pain, but also bc he's trying to control and manipulate.
I may still be allowing him to manipulate my feelings but he can't manipulate my actions.
I won't let him back, and I won't let him near the kids.
He wants 2 hours supervised access to our son on Saturday.
Do I let him do that? He's agreed to discuss it with the counsellor and myself first, immediately prior so I can assess his state of mind and work out whether he's presenting 'well' enough that it will be ok for our little boy.
What to do...
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 537
All his siblings bar one are overseas. Mum has passed away, dad has 12 months to live, sibling here has detached having lived through this with him about 10 years ago. She's supportive of me and whatever I decide, siblings os are as well. Sil is talking to me lots and that's helping. She's saying keep him away, get an io. If he goes to jail, then that's his fault. At least it would dry him out!!
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
I'm sorry 
Hang in there. Continue to keep strong with your boundaries. Hawkeye is right - you are being very brave. He's rolling down the tracks no matter what you do so continue to stay off his train!
Sending you lots of virtual peace and hugs.
Hang in there. Continue to keep strong with your boundaries. Hawkeye is right - you are being very brave. He's rolling down the tracks no matter what you do so continue to stay off his train!
Sending you lots of virtual peace and hugs.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Nowhere, VA
Posts: 540
I'm so sorry you are going through this Jarp! Its hard to remember this but, you are not responsible for his sobriety/life. That's easier said than done though....My ABF threatened to kill himself when I left him for a week. Its scary. My dad threatened to kill himself manytimes and checks himself into a ward about once a year.
Most of them do it for attention. Do like the others said, don't get back on that train. take precautions for you and your family!
Most of them do it for attention. Do like the others said, don't get back on that train. take precautions for you and your family!
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Originally Posted by jarp
He wants 2 hours supervised access to our son on Saturday.
Do I let him do that? He's agreed to discuss it with the counsellor and myself first, immediately prior so I can assess his state of mind and work out whether he's presenting 'well' enough that it will be ok for our little boy.
What to do...
Maybe if he were to undertake genuine efforts at recovery it would be different. I know it's much better if children have contact with the non-caretaker parent, but your AH isn't doing anything to help that happen. Hope he gets desperate enough to be admitted Jarp.
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