LobstahKiller

Hello all,

I am new to this site.

I found it by googling things like "my boyfriend is a secret heroin addict."

Because here's the thing--my boyfriend IS a secret heroin addict. Or was, because he died about a month ago.

We were together for five years (and lived together), and I had almost no idea that he was using heroin for the last several years of our relationship.

I knew that something was wrong. But I didn't know what. Other people thought it was pills or something similar. But I lived in denial. Or let's just say, I believed him when he lied to me when I confronted him.

Now he is dead, and I can't even get mad at him in person.

I am in the middle of some serious grieving, and I just found this out tonight. I just don't even know what to do. I feel like pulling my hair out, crying, and yelling at him all at the same time.

I loved him very much. And he was just lying to me, for years.

So, anyhow. I know this is an insane situation, I'm just curious to hear if someone else ever had this experience, or something similar. I don't even know what to do.

I am in weekly therapy, so it will eventually get our in that. But in this moment, I feel like I'm in crisis.

Thanks for any kind of advice.

scaredsister92

Oh goodness I'm so sorry. This must be a horrible situation for you to be dealing with, so for that I'm sorry you're here but also - this is a good place filled with wisdom and understanding.

All of us are here because we love addicts and all of us have been on the receiving end of lies and abuse from them so to that end we know how you feel. There's also a "grief and loss" subforum on here - if you go to the main index and scroll down you'll see it. Welcome again!

Ann

I am so sorry for your loss and the pain it brings you.

Sadly, death has taken many of our loved ones here, it is the ultimate ending for those who cannot give up drugs and can come quickly and unexpectedly as it did with your boyfriend.

I'm glad you joined us and I hope you find some peace and support here.

Hugs

zoso77

I am so sorry for your loss. But I'm also grateful that you found us. There are members that have been in similar situations as you.

Coping with the loss of someone we love, especially under these circumstances, is extremely difficult. Unfortunately as Ann note, this is often the outcome for addicts. There was nothing you or anyone could have done to prevent this.

Please remember to not personalize what he did. Yes, he lied to you. But he also lied to himself, every moment of every day. And if he couldn't be honest with himself, he certainly couldn't be honest with you.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss.

oceanlady1958

i am so sorry for your loss. addicts leave us all too often devastated and we are left to pull ourselves out of very dark places. there are bereavment groups that specifically deal with loss in group situations and it could help you in between your therapy appointments. perhaps your therapist can direct you to a group where you can find the comfort and understanding you need at this difficult time. again, so orry for your loss. prayers go out to you.

MamaCas

I am so sorry for your loss and for the sadness you must feel. There is a lot of support here! Prayers for you.

LobstahKiller

Thank you all so much for your kind messages. They really mean a lot.

It is indeed helpful to know that there are other people like me out there, who know what I'm going through. It's all so crazy, I feel like I'm floating above my body.

I made these awful jokes about it all day long, and then I covered for the friend who told me...

Anyhow. I'm going to specifically go to the grief board, thank you for mentioning that.

And thank you for supporting a total stranger (me). I really, really appreciate it.