HeartsAfire

I had a presentation at work today that I've spent the better part of a year researching. It was (thankfully) a success. After, as I was patted on the back, thanked and generally savoring my moment in the sun, guess who showed up? The SOB AV. Tried to mess w/my mind the rest of the day & into early evening. Told me things like: "Husband is out for the night", "Kids are gone", "No one will ever know", "Just one won't hurt", "You're not really an alcoholic" & my favorite: " You deserve it".

Something was different tonight. I had a very strange feeling that I didn't really understand it at first. I think I've just figured it out though.

I don't want to drink.

Let me say that again.

I don't want to drink.

Quite frankly it scares the crap out of me to even consider it. Other than the 2 time I was pregnant, I can barely remember a time that I haven't wanted to drink. And that, my friends, is not only success. It's progress beyond measure.

Grateful for my 17 days tonight.

Dee74

Congratulations HeartsAfire

D

PurpleKnight

Fantastic!!

silentrun

That's great Hearts. The "no one will know" and "you're not really an alcoholic" are the ones that try to get me. I was too afraid to drink as well. That and SR carried me all the way to accepting.

Anna

Good for you for getting through that.

firstymer

Great post, HeartsAfire. And congratulations on the presentation.

Your AV will inevitably return. It is a persistent little bugger. But you seem well equipped to deal with it in the future.

Good luck.

sthlondonab

Congrats on the presentation!

That darn AV. Looks like you have some great resolve and you are enjoying your sobriety. That's great for me to read and makes me very hopeful.

Hevyn

Very proud of you Hearts. You're growing stronger every day. 17 days is wonderful, & it'll keep getting better.

LBrain

congratulations
way to stay strong

Gronk

Great job, me too.......15 days......to much caffeine today......flipping out a bit....a lot of stress on the way, primarily good not bad.......but dang. Driving to pick up wings (just to get out of the house) neck turning at all the normal spots, is so and so there? Is that other person over there?

I had ZERO plans on stopping, but when thinking about groceries, hey that place is across the street. Could have been so easy. I am not having physical pangs, and the beginning was a piece of cake as I have mentioned......starting to get harder now. EDIT: Actually the mental images create physical pangs where there were none......

(I'm just venting)

I have a ton going on the next couple of months, drunk me could handle it......but not half as well as sober me. I'm curious to see how it goes actually.

Oh well.......

HeartsAfire

Awesome, Gronk. My fave is your observation that we know that yes, we could probably still do all of this as "drunk me", but sober me can do it so much better. I've read it over & over.

I appreciate you being here. Vent away....

Croissant

Good on you.

It's good to get one of those insights early, so you know it potentially may flare up on your next achievement.

Angel1555

Wow, great post HeartsAfire! Congratulations on turning that corner

Cowgirlie

Hey well done you your presentation AND lightbulb anti-AV moment! Pleased to read this

Nuudawn

Only about 20 minutes ago I was going over a conversation in my head regarding what I will say to someone about my decision not to drink at an upcoming event. My mind started minimizing my issues via word choices and there was something to the effect of "well, I don't know if it's forever but it is for now etc".

I suddenly notice an anxiety stir within me as I recognized some "loopholes" in my story (don't know if that makes any sense). My anxiety was only alleviated when I redirected that head conversation more in the lines of wanting sobriety for the second half of my life...making that sort of commitment.

In my last sobriety I was very much a "just for today" person ..which is still what is at issue now isn't it...but for me, I KNOW...it was likely never a long term "intention"... I held onto a "maybe in time loophole". I don't want to do that anymore.

So I think I understand that "fear" you felt. I think it may have been similar to the fear I felt when I heard my conversation taking a "well, you just never know...maybe in Rome somewhere down the line" kind of thinking. That got me in trouble before. It was the crack in my sobriety I don't want anymore. Not that I know the future..but I do know bout the difference of "intention".

Angel1555

NuDawn, I know exactly how you feel. I've got that loophole wrapped all around me but it's the best that I can do for now. I have those conversations in my head all the time too