When will this rough month end..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 106
When will this rough month end..
This month has been the hardest month I think I've ever experienced in my life. I dealt with my BF's active addiction for almost 4 months, but making the decision only a week ago on 7/31 to leave him was, by far, much harder. I can't describe it, but I'm sure there are plenty of us on this site that know the feeling. I know it was the right thing to do though.
The next part of my post is not related to addiction, but I need to share it anyway because it's just adding to the pain that I already have.
I had a miscarriage this morning. I never knew I was pregnant, but it's no surprise as to why it happened - my stress has been unbearable. To make matters worse, this is the second time this has happened to me. I had my first miscarriage 2 years ago, and I ALSO was unaware of that pregnancy. Will my body always reject it??? That thought is devastating.
I'm a full time student again and I work full time, I have a lot going on in my personal life that makes it impossible to fit a baby in (besides the fact that Daddy and I are not one bit stable), so it's not like I was trying.. BUT.. Why does this keep happening to me?? Stress, I know I know. But if I never have symptoms that I'm pregnant how will I ever know to take better care of body? (I drink and smoke on occasion. Other than that, I make healthy choices) I do eventually want kids, I want a family, I want that happy ending. Eventually. So it scares me to think that it may be possible I could never have children.
When I had my first miscarriage, I was numb to it. I didn't actually "deal" with it until 6 months later. I've always been pretty hard-headed and stubborn, if something stressful is going on, I used to be able to "push it away" and not feel the pain that it brought (I thought that was smart for some reason). It was a big mistake to push that away for 6 months. I'm feeling this one full force. No matter if this is what I wanted, or what I asked for, it hurts.
I do believe MOST things happen for a reason, and I know that if I found out I was pregnant, given the recent events, that would have been even harder.. But that doesn't make this any better.
Do I tell him? Would that even matter? Does he have the right to know? He has an intake appointment tomorrow morning at a Behavioral Health Clinic for antidepressants, counseling, and suboxone therapy.. all of which he needs BADLY. I know this news would affect him greatly, so maybe telling him would help me so I'm not the only one going through it? I don't know.
I really don't know anything at the moment.
I just want some good luck.
The next part of my post is not related to addiction, but I need to share it anyway because it's just adding to the pain that I already have.
I had a miscarriage this morning. I never knew I was pregnant, but it's no surprise as to why it happened - my stress has been unbearable. To make matters worse, this is the second time this has happened to me. I had my first miscarriage 2 years ago, and I ALSO was unaware of that pregnancy. Will my body always reject it??? That thought is devastating.
I'm a full time student again and I work full time, I have a lot going on in my personal life that makes it impossible to fit a baby in (besides the fact that Daddy and I are not one bit stable), so it's not like I was trying.. BUT.. Why does this keep happening to me?? Stress, I know I know. But if I never have symptoms that I'm pregnant how will I ever know to take better care of body? (I drink and smoke on occasion. Other than that, I make healthy choices) I do eventually want kids, I want a family, I want that happy ending. Eventually. So it scares me to think that it may be possible I could never have children.
When I had my first miscarriage, I was numb to it. I didn't actually "deal" with it until 6 months later. I've always been pretty hard-headed and stubborn, if something stressful is going on, I used to be able to "push it away" and not feel the pain that it brought (I thought that was smart for some reason). It was a big mistake to push that away for 6 months. I'm feeling this one full force. No matter if this is what I wanted, or what I asked for, it hurts.
I do believe MOST things happen for a reason, and I know that if I found out I was pregnant, given the recent events, that would have been even harder.. But that doesn't make this any better.
Do I tell him? Would that even matter? Does he have the right to know? He has an intake appointment tomorrow morning at a Behavioral Health Clinic for antidepressants, counseling, and suboxone therapy.. all of which he needs BADLY. I know this news would affect him greatly, so maybe telling him would help me so I'm not the only one going through it? I don't know.
I really don't know anything at the moment.
I just want some good luck.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
oh sweetie, i'm so sorry. do you have access to counseling? grief counseing? you could sure use some Face To Face support right now to help you sort things out.
as for telling him.....i just don't know.
as for telling him.....i just don't know.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 106
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII 
oh sweetie, i'm so sorry. do you have access to counseling? grief counseing? you could sure use some Face To Face support right now to help you sort things out.
as for telling him.....i just don't know.
as for telling him.....i just don't know.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 106
Originally Posted by HerbiceXXV
I really can't advise you, because... well... I'm a man. I'm sure that some of the women here can chime in though. It's going to be okay. But it looks like you HP has your back, and so do we.
Hugs.
Hugs.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
When life critical events hit us---many of us exercise the natural option,
"tough it out". There are noble elements to this, but please consider other
viewpoints.
If a critical event occurs in a high order setting, most high level
(corporate/government) organizations will not let you "tough it out".
They know from experience that post traumatic stress is real and
"self-clearing" yourself back to making life-critical decisions is a
recipe for disaster.
We know you are strong. It isn't about that. It is about the fact
that you are a human being.
As for telling him----I would not deign to know the answer,
but to be brutally frank....this is SR friends and family....We do
not care about him, fixing him, or curing him. He's a big boy and
can face his own life.
We care about you, and how YOU get through this.
"tough it out". There are noble elements to this, but please consider other
viewpoints.
If a critical event occurs in a high order setting, most high level
(corporate/government) organizations will not let you "tough it out".
They know from experience that post traumatic stress is real and
"self-clearing" yourself back to making life-critical decisions is a
recipe for disaster.
We know you are strong. It isn't about that. It is about the fact
that you are a human being.
As for telling him----I would not deign to know the answer,
but to be brutally frank....this is SR friends and family....We do
not care about him, fixing him, or curing him. He's a big boy and
can face his own life.
We care about you, and how YOU get through this.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 250
Hi bellanoviella,
I just wanted to send you some hugs and say that I'm sorry you're going through such a stressful time. Have you seen a doctor? Maybe you could share some of your concerns with him/her. I know that miscarriages are fairly common among women, and many go on to have families later in life. Please do what you need to do to take care of yourself, both physically and emotionally. Reach out to family and friends so that you do not have to carry this pain all by yourself.
As far as telling your bf, that is up to you. My concern is that if he is still active in his addiction, he may not be in the best state of mind to provide the support you need, which may in turn lead to more disappointment for you. If you decide to tell him, I hope things work out for you and that you are both able to lean on each other for support.
Sending you lots of hugs and prayers.
I just wanted to send you some hugs and say that I'm sorry you're going through such a stressful time. Have you seen a doctor? Maybe you could share some of your concerns with him/her. I know that miscarriages are fairly common among women, and many go on to have families later in life. Please do what you need to do to take care of yourself, both physically and emotionally. Reach out to family and friends so that you do not have to carry this pain all by yourself.
As far as telling your bf, that is up to you. My concern is that if he is still active in his addiction, he may not be in the best state of mind to provide the support you need, which may in turn lead to more disappointment for you. If you decide to tell him, I hope things work out for you and that you are both able to lean on each other for support.
Sending you lots of hugs and prayers.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Bella...it's not often I'm left speechless here. But I am now. My words will be of little consolation, but I am so sorry.
You're experiencing a lot of grief and loss. And there will be times when, like now, it's overwhelming. I wish I could tell you when it will go away, but I can't. This is something that, unfortunately, you're going to have to take head on and deal with. And we're here to be a support for you while you're going through this for however long you need us.
Regarding working full time and being a full time student, I know a little bit about this. What I would consider doing is taking this semester off. Right now, you're bleeding, and I'm skeptical that you have the required emotional bandwidth to meet your academic and professional responsibilities. When I was dealing with the fallout from my AXGF, I opted to take a couple of semesters off before finishing my Masters. It was the right move. It allowed me to concentrate on work and get my confidence back in a professional sense. And it also allowed me to spend time with those who loved and cared for me, too. School can wait. One semester, in the grand scheme of things, is not a big deal. Allow yourself time to grieve...and time to heal.
I'll leave you with this: I encourage you to read Ghost Rider: Travels on the Healing Road. It was written by Neil Peart, the drummer for the rock band Rush. Back in '97 and '98, he lost his daughter in a car accident and his common law wife to cancer within 10 months of each other. The book is about how he coped with the loss and how he found the strength to go on.
We're here for you, Bella. All of us.
You're experiencing a lot of grief and loss. And there will be times when, like now, it's overwhelming. I wish I could tell you when it will go away, but I can't. This is something that, unfortunately, you're going to have to take head on and deal with. And we're here to be a support for you while you're going through this for however long you need us.
Regarding working full time and being a full time student, I know a little bit about this. What I would consider doing is taking this semester off. Right now, you're bleeding, and I'm skeptical that you have the required emotional bandwidth to meet your academic and professional responsibilities. When I was dealing with the fallout from my AXGF, I opted to take a couple of semesters off before finishing my Masters. It was the right move. It allowed me to concentrate on work and get my confidence back in a professional sense. And it also allowed me to spend time with those who loved and cared for me, too. School can wait. One semester, in the grand scheme of things, is not a big deal. Allow yourself time to grieve...and time to heal.
I'll leave you with this: I encourage you to read Ghost Rider: Travels on the Healing Road. It was written by Neil Peart, the drummer for the rock band Rush. Back in '97 and '98, he lost his daughter in a car accident and his common law wife to cancer within 10 months of each other. The book is about how he coped with the loss and how he found the strength to go on.
We're here for you, Bella. All of us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 106
Originally Posted by zoso77
Regarding working full time and being a full time student, I know a little bit about this. What I would consider doing is taking this semester off. Right now, you're bleeding, and I'm skeptical that you have the required emotional bandwidth to meet your academic and professional responsibilities..
As for the book, I will check it out. When I read the title it sounded familiar.. So I went to my ex's closet, and there it was. I'm going to start reading it tonight.
Thanks so much.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
I did consider taking the semester off, but my Fall semester starts in less than 3 weeks and I've already accepted my loan for it. I don't know if I still can. But I'll look in to it tomorrow. I know I surely do deserve a break.
Glad you found the book. I hope it is as helpful (and inspiring) to you as it was for me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 106
Originally Posted by zoso77
If you have a good relationship with your academic advisor and you trust that person, get them involved with the financial aid office regarding your loan. The circumstances you find yourself in, I imagine, would be considered out of the ordinary from your school's perspective.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
So sorry about it all. No words.
It's all so difficult without the loss of a baby....no matter what the circumstances.
Get some help. They recommend counselors get counseling....We all have stuff to deal with.....even without an addict in our lives.
It's all so difficult without the loss of a baby....no matter what the circumstances.
Get some help. They recommend counselors get counseling....We all have stuff to deal with.....even without an addict in our lives.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Fl
Posts: 118
I feel so sorry for your loss. To lose a baby no matter the circumstance is hard. I myself have had a miscarriage. 2 years later I now have my youngest son who is 18 months old. Ironically we were not trying and he came anyway and we had tried for 3 months for the baby we lost. I am a firm beliver in that things happen for a reason. I wish I had some magic words to make you feel better! I do want to congratulate you on you going to school! That's a huge accomplishment that you should be very proud of!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Michigan
Posts: 166
Originally Posted by bellanoviella
This month has been the hardest month I think I've ever experienced in my life. I dealt with my BF's active addiction for almost 4 months, but making the decision only a week ago on 7/31 to leave him was, by far, much harder. I can't describe it, but I'm sure there are plenty of us on this site that know the feeling. I know it was the right thing to do though.
The next part of my post is not related to addiction, but I need to share it anyway because it's just adding to the pain that I already have.
I had a miscarriage this morning. I never knew I was pregnant, but it's no surprise as to why it happened - my stress has been unbearable. To make matters worse, this is the second time this has happened to me. I had my first miscarriage 2 years ago, and I ALSO was unaware of that pregnancy. Will my body always reject it??? That thought is devastating.
I'm a full time student again and I work full time, I have a lot going on in my personal life that makes it impossible to fit a baby in (besides the fact that Daddy and I are not one bit stable), so it's not like I was trying.. BUT.. Why does this keep happening to me?? Stress, I know I know. But if I never have symptoms that I'm pregnant how will I ever know to take better care of body? (I drink and smoke on occasion. Other than that, I make healthy choices) I do eventually want kids, I want a family, I want that happy ending. Eventually. So it scares me to think that it may be possible I could never have children.
When I had my first miscarriage, I was numb to it. I didn't actually "deal" with it until 6 months later. I've always been pretty hard-headed and stubborn, if something stressful is going on, I used to be able to "push it away" and not feel the pain that it brought (I thought that was smart for some reason). It was a big mistake to push that away for 6 months. I'm feeling this one full force. No matter if this is what I wanted, or what I asked for, it hurts.
I do believe MOST things happen for a reason, and I know that if I found out I was pregnant, given the recent events, that would have been even harder.. But that doesn't make this any better.
Do I tell him? Would that even matter? Does he have the right to know? He has an intake appointment tomorrow morning at a Behavioral Health Clinic for antidepressants, counseling, and suboxone therapy.. all of which he needs BADLY. I know this news would affect him greatly, so maybe telling him would help me so I'm not the only one going through it? I don't know.
I really don't know anything at the moment. I just want some good luck.
The next part of my post is not related to addiction, but I need to share it anyway because it's just adding to the pain that I already have.
I had a miscarriage this morning. I never knew I was pregnant, but it's no surprise as to why it happened - my stress has been unbearable. To make matters worse, this is the second time this has happened to me. I had my first miscarriage 2 years ago, and I ALSO was unaware of that pregnancy. Will my body always reject it??? That thought is devastating.
I'm a full time student again and I work full time, I have a lot going on in my personal life that makes it impossible to fit a baby in (besides the fact that Daddy and I are not one bit stable), so it's not like I was trying.. BUT.. Why does this keep happening to me?? Stress, I know I know. But if I never have symptoms that I'm pregnant how will I ever know to take better care of body? (I drink and smoke on occasion. Other than that, I make healthy choices) I do eventually want kids, I want a family, I want that happy ending. Eventually. So it scares me to think that it may be possible I could never have children.
When I had my first miscarriage, I was numb to it. I didn't actually "deal" with it until 6 months later. I've always been pretty hard-headed and stubborn, if something stressful is going on, I used to be able to "push it away" and not feel the pain that it brought (I thought that was smart for some reason). It was a big mistake to push that away for 6 months. I'm feeling this one full force. No matter if this is what I wanted, or what I asked for, it hurts.
I do believe MOST things happen for a reason, and I know that if I found out I was pregnant, given the recent events, that would have been even harder.. But that doesn't make this any better.
Do I tell him? Would that even matter? Does he have the right to know? He has an intake appointment tomorrow morning at a Behavioral Health Clinic for antidepressants, counseling, and suboxone therapy.. all of which he needs BADLY. I know this news would affect him greatly, so maybe telling him would help me so I'm not the only one going through it? I don't know.
I really don't know anything at the moment.
I just want some good luck.
? You have tons of support here on SR. Sending hugs your way
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,606
Bella, i just found this thread! I am speechless, i don't know what i should say except that i am so sorry for your loss and everything that's happening to you right now! I'm in tears as i'm writing it, it's just too cruel to be true... my heart is truly breaking for you huge hugs to you!!! 
as far as telling him... i do think he has a right to now... but i don't think it might be good for him to know right now... i know you're not together anymore, but is there a way you could talk to him during a counceling session or something?
take good care of yourself right now! get as much help as you can from your family, friends, NA, whatsoever! You know i'm here if you need me! lots of love to you!
as far as telling him... i do think he has a right to now... but i don't think it might be good for him to know right now... i know you're not together anymore, but is there a way you could talk to him during a counceling session or something?
take good care of yourself right now! get as much help as you can from your family, friends, NA, whatsoever! You know i'm here if you need me! lots of love to you!
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