Hello
Member
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Victoria,B.C.Canada
Posts: 46
HI Kristy
Welcome to the site. You will be waiting a long time to be writing your story. If you are having a problem just write that down and the more you stay clean the more your story getts bigger. So Just write about today and how are you are feeling. I haven't wrote my story yet either here. For me when someone tells a little about what they are going though that is when I tell a bit of my story. So welcome to the 12 steps.
SAngelfive
Welcome to the site. You will be waiting a long time to be writing your story. If you are having a problem just write that down and the more you stay clean the more your story getts bigger. So Just write about today and how are you are feeling. I haven't wrote my story yet either here. For me when someone tells a little about what they are going though that is when I tell a bit of my story. So welcome to the 12 steps.
SAngelfive
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi Kristy!
Welcome to the recovery forum!
That's a great start. I too, once wished I didn't love him so much. Know what? I still love him just as much. You don't have to stop loving someone or caring about what happens to them to be able to diminish it's affect on you. The first step is realizing that it is not your problem or responsibility, no matter how much you love them. You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it.
Step One- We admitted that we were powerless of the alcoholic/addict, that our lives had become unmanageable.
You say that you're hurt. Let me guess. You're probably somewhat angry as well.
Let it all hang out, new friend. Tell as much or as little as you want. Just remember that we DO want to hear it. We have been in your shoes, and no one will judge you here. For me, writing out my feelings and posting them is very cleansing and helps me to get things in perspective.
You said you didn't know what to say. You know what I heard? "I'm hurt. I'm confused. Hear me."
We hear you Kristy, and would be pleased to hear whatever you have to share.
Hugs,
Smoke
Welcome to the recovery forum!
That's a great start. I too, once wished I didn't love him so much. Know what? I still love him just as much. You don't have to stop loving someone or caring about what happens to them to be able to diminish it's affect on you. The first step is realizing that it is not your problem or responsibility, no matter how much you love them. You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it.
Step One- We admitted that we were powerless of the alcoholic/addict, that our lives had become unmanageable.
You say that you're hurt. Let me guess. You're probably somewhat angry as well.
Let it all hang out, new friend. Tell as much or as little as you want. Just remember that we DO want to hear it. We have been in your shoes, and no one will judge you here. For me, writing out my feelings and posting them is very cleansing and helps me to get things in perspective.
You said you didn't know what to say. You know what I heard? "I'm hurt. I'm confused. Hear me."
We hear you Kristy, and would be pleased to hear whatever you have to share.
Hugs,
Smoke
Guest
Posts: n/a
I am very new to all of this. There is no Al-Anon in my area, so I have been looking for a place to vent, get information, and just learn that I am not alone. I know I have no control over the alcohol, or his drinking, but how do I stop feeling like he is choosing it over my daughter and I? I know he loves us, and always has the best intentions.... but it usually doesn't last long.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi Kristy,
It may help you to consider that alcoholism is a real physical condition. Many use the word "disease" to describe it. I think many alcoholics and drugs users ARE sincere when they say they want to/are going to quit. They mean it when they say it. It's just a very big beast, and too many think they can catch the rhinocerous in a butterfly net. (I'll just quit.) Only the most docile of rhinoceri are subdued that way, and your husband's rhino doesn't sound like the type that wanders away on it's own. A better method is to dig a big sand pit (learn how to live differently). It's good to have help with this. A counselor can help dig, or a group of friends, like AA, NA. Then they just have to summon the chutzpa to chase the rhino into the pit. Sometimes it helps to tranquilize it first (detox) so it doesn't turn and charge in a rage.
One of those times when your husband is seeming sincere... maybe you could get him to visit the AA and NA pages on this site. There are warm, wonderful, recovering people there who want to help. An online forum is a lot less scarey than the commitment of walking into a meeting and showing your actual face. A lot of addicts and anons as well seem to come here first to get their courage up.
A final note... never measure your self worth with an addict-o-meter. They are prone to malfunction.
Smoke
It may help you to consider that alcoholism is a real physical condition. Many use the word "disease" to describe it. I think many alcoholics and drugs users ARE sincere when they say they want to/are going to quit. They mean it when they say it. It's just a very big beast, and too many think they can catch the rhinocerous in a butterfly net. (I'll just quit.) Only the most docile of rhinoceri are subdued that way, and your husband's rhino doesn't sound like the type that wanders away on it's own. A better method is to dig a big sand pit (learn how to live differently). It's good to have help with this. A counselor can help dig, or a group of friends, like AA, NA. Then they just have to summon the chutzpa to chase the rhino into the pit. Sometimes it helps to tranquilize it first (detox) so it doesn't turn and charge in a rage.
One of those times when your husband is seeming sincere... maybe you could get him to visit the AA and NA pages on this site. There are warm, wonderful, recovering people there who want to help. An online forum is a lot less scarey than the commitment of walking into a meeting and showing your actual face. A lot of addicts and anons as well seem to come here first to get their courage up.
A final note... never measure your self worth with an addict-o-meter. They are prone to malfunction.
Smoke
Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: North America
Posts: 362
Welcome Kristy ! I just wanted to take a minute and welcome you here. You are in the right place. You will see many people who are in the same situation you are. So take comfort in knowing you are not alone. Keep posting and coming back.
Love,
bonbon
Love,
bonbon
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Hi Kristy,
You mentioned how sad you are...my recovery began with a full blown depression, and I happen to be self aware enough that I figured that part on my own. I was unable to function.
You HAVE to take care of yourself...I think I was waiting for someone to do that for me and that person never came along. Today I take care of me...and get out of my way while I do it! It may sound selfish but isn't the A selfish??
You have started by posting here, now get out there and get informed. Libraries have tons of books, even the AA and Al Anon literature. Take it slow...after I have loaded up on info sometimes I have to take the time to let it absorb.
You are in the right place, just let it happen. Luv, Tired
You mentioned how sad you are...my recovery began with a full blown depression, and I happen to be self aware enough that I figured that part on my own. I was unable to function.
You HAVE to take care of yourself...I think I was waiting for someone to do that for me and that person never came along. Today I take care of me...and get out of my way while I do it! It may sound selfish but isn't the A selfish??
You have started by posting here, now get out there and get informed. Libraries have tons of books, even the AA and Al Anon literature. Take it slow...after I have loaded up on info sometimes I have to take the time to let it absorb.
You are in the right place, just let it happen. Luv, Tired
Guest
Posts: n/a
I just wanted to say Thanks to everyone for the kind words.... I think I have finally found a place that will be good for me to vent... Just knowing I can log on, and you guys will be here, has been a great deal of support already!
Thanks Again
Thanks Again
Guest
Posts: n/a
Hi Kristy, I don't want to be harsh but your A is choosing alcohol over you. And will until he decides he has to quit for himself. Smoke is right. From my experiences with my father I do believe that he would like to want to quit. Myself, my sister, my mother... We were never enough. We all thought my mother dying of breast cancer would give him a wake up, but that wasn't enough either. Maybe someday my father will stop drinking. But after all these years I still have no clue what it will be that snaps in his head makes that decision. I pray for you that your husband finds his reason very soon.
Paused
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: USA
Posts: 17
Smoke, I just LOVE your rhinocerous analogy!! Hmmmm, interesting thought about tranquilizing first-- now wouldn't that come in handy?? It's nice to know that we can all dig that pit together, because somehow the overwhelming task of doing that is better when we help each other. I don't have much advice for Kristy- I wish you lots of luck Kristy, and like others have said YOU have to be your own advocate and take care of your needs yourself-- your body and mind will thank you for it later, whether or not your A is better or not. You have your life to live!! Hugs to all, MK
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
You caught a thread from 2002, That happens, noproblem, but would be best if you could start a new thread and tell a little about you.
So glad you found SR, it is the greatest site,
New thread or post is at the top on left. Welcome
So glad you found SR, it is the greatest site,
New thread or post is at the top on left. Welcome
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