Inchworm

I'm starting to feel complacent. Day 11 and I just heard me telling myself "you're not really an alcoholic, Inchworm". I do believe that kind of talk gets me in trouble every time I've tried to be sober before. Ive not had withdrawal symptoms and I've not ever blacked out. I've not ever drank a whole bottle of anything. I've never been ticketed drunk. But, I have had to come home from work night after night and drink enough to make the day go away. I have taken pain pills from my mom's medicine cabinet until there weren't any left (thank god she didn't need them anymore). I have had urges to drink in the morning just to take the yuck away. And, I always drink a large glass of wine before going out to drink more wine. Moderation in anything has always been extremely difficult. Help me out with words that make sense, please!

Nonsensical

Read my signature line.

ScottFromWI

Here's something you wrote just a few short days ago

"I'm scared that I'll screw up and that time will come again when I think I can drink wine like "normal" people. I know the time will come -ha! It always does, doesn't it? I just want to get through it sober."

Well, the time has come. Look back at your drinking history - what exactly has changed since you quit that would make you think you aren't really an alcoholic?

ultradad

And, read my signature line

Seriously, that voice is the disease of addiction and I never had one of anything! Moderation is not in my vocabulary! That mindset and self talk will indeed lead to drinking again, did for me every-time! Not sure if you're using a program of recovery, but I could never do it on my own...took AA for me! I no longer have to deal with those voices/obsessions, but if they do come back I have a support group that I can RUN to!

Congrats on 11 days, this recovery stuff isn't easy!

firstymer

I had my last drink 11 months ago. I have spent much of that time comparing myself and my drinking habits to the others here at SR. Am I as bad as they are? Am I worse?Better?

Now, I don't care what I am. Alcoholic. Problem drinker. It doesn't matter. Alcohol did bad things to my life for 20+ years. And regardless of what I call myself, I KNOW that if I pick up again, it may be another 20 years before I put the bottle back down.

So, I am done. For good. And forever. The finality of my decision, once so daunting, is now kind of a relief. Life is rarely black and white. But with something like this, for me at least, it is.

Good luck. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

landminesgirl

Wow, I just posted about the same thing, inchworm. I just hit day 50, the longest I've gone without a drink in the past 20 years. I didn't have physical withdrawal, I've never been arrested or ticketed, nothing terrible (aside from nasty fights I picked with my husband) has happened....do I really have a problem. I know the answer is YES - my drinking habits are not "normal". BUT like you I've found myself thinking that perhaps I'm not an alcoholic, and perhaps I can have a drink or two without a problem....but I KNOW that's not true. I've tried it, many many many many times. I cannot moderate. Period. I just need to silence that additive voice in my head and recognize that life without alcohol is better for me. PERIOD!

Stay strong - tell that voice in your head to be quiet!

Inchworm

Oh my god. Thank you, everyone. I really did just say that a couple of days ago, didn't I WisconsinScott?

It's amazing. I woke up with that sh**** feeling. Like life was just not what I want it to be. That sneaky voice that gets me drinking it all away. I reached out to you folks and now I feel more confident and .... Dare I say? .... Joyful!

IOAA2

Boy am I familiar with that rationalization. I lived in denial for too long until I got honest with myself about my drinking and accepted it as fact.

BE WELL

PurpleKnight

In the beginning I had to remind myself of would my drinking lead to the same results? and the answer is yes, why would it turn out any different to the last time? abstinence hasn't cured or in some way fixed me!!

Jade1224

You have to look at the pattern.

I also try to rationalize my drinking. I don't wake up and have vodka for breakfast. I can sometimes go days without drinking. I can even have one or two before work because I show up for my responsibilities.

But I also know that after work I WANT another one and if I have it I'll want more and more and more. I know it's not normal to want to take shots instead of sipping slowly.

I have tendencies that lead me to believe I am a normal drinker. But I also have a lot of tendencies to lead me to believe I have a problem with alcohol. I will believe the latter, just to be on the safe side.

HakunaMatata

I have to remind myself that I like to drink to get drunk. Even if I manage to drink like a "normal" person and have 1 or 2, I'll always want more. I'm not satisfied with 1 or 2...I'd rather not have them at all. To me, that's like eating a quarter of a cookie and saving the rest for another day. So, when it comes to drinking, my options are either going way overboard and drinking too much, or having a couple and feeling annoyed/frustrated that I can't have more. Both are not a good time. When I think about it like that, the romanticism goes away and I realize that staying sober comes out on top.

sthlondonab

Hey Inchworm

Keep pushing through. What amazing hope and experience came through from the guys on SR. Hope you are doing well today

TnTPoP

OMFG... I JUST logged on to ask that very thing... I AM justifying it right now.... if that's not someone smacking some sense into me I dont know what is.....