The kindness of others
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
The kindness of others
Just wanted to share this little tidbit from last night, it really touched me. Yesterday was day 7 for me, today day 8! My boyfriend and I were invited to the house of a friend for dinner. He is a really good cook and great host. He loves to go to the seaside and buy fresh fish and make multi-course meals of all kinds of delicious things. I had seen him in the gym the day before and told him about my sobriety. In the past people have been pretty nonchalant about it and have said really unhelpful things like "ah, just take a break, it won't be forever" or "you'll be back you wild thing!" But I told him about my visit to the doctor and the fatty liver situation and he said "yeah, you've gotta stop"
In any case, we arrived at his home for dinner and he had the table set for the three of us with just two wine glasses on the table. He was very excited and said "look what I've made for you!" he had bought some super top fizzy water and had made a pitcher with lime slices and mint in it. I've done the lime in soda water at home, but the fresh mint was a nice added touch. It sounds a bit silly typing it out now.... but last night I was so touched that he had thought to prepare that for me as a special drink for me to have.
Whether right or wrong, I don't expect people to not drink around me, particularly at their own home. In Italy, as has been explained to me, Italians consider wine another food group, it is part of the meal and I do not notice Italians drinking to excess at the level I have witnessed elsewhere. That said, both the host and my boyfriend drank wine and yes, I had moments that I really had to fight through some cravings. At one point I vocalized this and the host was really concerned. He said "what can I do for you? Is there anything I can offer you to help?" I told him that I was trying to learn urge surfing as was suggested to me by Dee and others. He laughed a bit (with me, not at me) and said, "I don't know how to surf, but if you want a special non-alcoholic drink I'll make you anything!" My boyfriend was also more supportive than usual. It is not that he doesn't support me, I just think he doesn't know what to do. But he repeatedly told me how proud he was of me, how good I have been looking in my face, my skin is improving, etc. It was a nice night, I'm glad I fought through it and despite the presence of wine I felt supported and cared for.
I would like to try and practice this urge surfing thing more, I don't think I am doing it right. Last night I got through by focussing on thoughts of how good I would feel today and the fact that if I had even a sip of wine I'd be back at square one and throw away all the hard work of one full week of sobriety.
Long post, I know. All this writing has helped me though.
Have a great day folks. I'm off to the beach with my kids, looking forward to being full of energy and not feeling like crap under the sun.
In any case, we arrived at his home for dinner and he had the table set for the three of us with just two wine glasses on the table. He was very excited and said "look what I've made for you!" he had bought some super top fizzy water and had made a pitcher with lime slices and mint in it. I've done the lime in soda water at home, but the fresh mint was a nice added touch. It sounds a bit silly typing it out now.... but last night I was so touched that he had thought to prepare that for me as a special drink for me to have.
Whether right or wrong, I don't expect people to not drink around me, particularly at their own home. In Italy, as has been explained to me, Italians consider wine another food group, it is part of the meal and I do not notice Italians drinking to excess at the level I have witnessed elsewhere. That said, both the host and my boyfriend drank wine and yes, I had moments that I really had to fight through some cravings. At one point I vocalized this and the host was really concerned. He said "what can I do for you? Is there anything I can offer you to help?" I told him that I was trying to learn urge surfing as was suggested to me by Dee and others. He laughed a bit (with me, not at me) and said, "I don't know how to surf, but if you want a special non-alcoholic drink I'll make you anything!" My boyfriend was also more supportive than usual. It is not that he doesn't support me, I just think he doesn't know what to do. But he repeatedly told me how proud he was of me, how good I have been looking in my face, my skin is improving, etc. It was a nice night, I'm glad I fought through it and despite the presence of wine I felt supported and cared for.
I would like to try and practice this urge surfing thing more, I don't think I am doing it right. Last night I got through by focussing on thoughts of how good I would feel today and the fact that if I had even a sip of wine I'd be back at square one and throw away all the hard work of one full week of sobriety.
Long post, I know. All this writing has helped me though.
Have a great day folks. I'm off to the beach with my kids, looking forward to being full of energy and not feeling like crap under the sun.
Cat Lady
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 164
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso 
Just wanted to share this little tidbit from last night, it really touched me. Yesterday was day 7 for me, today day 8! My boyfriend and I were invited to the house of a friend for dinner. He is a really good cook and great host. He loves to go to the seaside and buy fresh fish and make multi-course meals of all kinds of delicious things. I had seen him in the gym the day before and told him about my sobriety. In the past people have been pretty nonchalant about it and have said really unhelpful things like "ah, just take a break, it won't be forever" or "you'll be back you wild thing!" But I told him about my visit to the doctor and the fatty liver situation and he said "yeah, you've gotta stop" In any case, we arrived at his home for dinner and he had the table set for the three of us with just two wine glasses on the table. He was very excited and said "look what I've made for you!" he had bought some super top fizzy water and had made a pitcher with lime slices and mint in it. I've done the lime in soda water at home, but the fresh mint was a nice added touch. It sounds a bit silly typing it out now.... but last night I was so touched that he had thought to prepare that for me as a special drink for me to have. Whether right or wrong, I don't expect people to not drink around me, particularly at their own home. In Italy, as has been explained to me, Italians consider wine another food group, it is part of the meal and I do not notice Italians drinking to excess at the level I have witnessed elsewhere. That said, both the host and my boyfriend drank wine and yes, I had moments that I really had to fight through some cravings. At one point I vocalized this and the host was really concerned. He said "what can I do for you? Is there anything I can offer you to help?" I told him that I was trying to learn urge surfing as was suggested to me by Dee and others. He laughed a bit (with me, not at me) and said, "I don't know how to surf, but if you want a special non-alcoholic drink I'll make you anything!" My boyfriend was also more supportive than usual. It is not that he doesn't support me, I just think he doesn't know what to do. But he repeatedly told me how proud he was of me, how good I have been looking in my face, my skin is improving, etc. It was a nice night, I'm glad I fought through it and despite the presence of wine I felt supported and cared for. I would like to try and practice this urge surfing thing more, I don't think I am doing it right. Last night I got through by focussing on thoughts of how good I would feel today and the fact that if I had even a sip of wine I'd be back at square one and throw away all the hard work of one full week of sobriety. Long post, I know. All this writing has helped me though. Have a great day folks. I'm off to the beach with my kids, looking forward to being full of energy and not feeling like crap under the sun.
This was fantastic to read! I don't know what urge surfing! Lol I'm kind of curious as to what it is now! Anyway, your friend sounds like a genuinely good guy. How kind of him to make that for you and keep your wishes in consideration. I know he drank wine around you, but you feel as I feel when I say that it is the hosts house, let them drink. Doesn't sound like they were drinking like fish and he also asked what he could do to help!
This sounds like a fabulous evening and great job on the week sober. You did great! :-)
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso
Last night I got through by focussing on thoughts of how good I would feel today and the fact that if I had even a sip of wine I'd be back at square one and throw away all the hard work of one full week of sobriety.
When the craving or urge hits, play it again. From that first drink, to the drunk, to the blackout, to the next morning.
Playing the tape help us see where we end up every time.
Keep on, keeping on!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: South Florida
Posts: 160
I also admire your honestly. Many people, (including myself) have used excuses like on medication, or have an early morning tomorrow, trying to lose weight, etc. People will respect and admire your honestly as well, and will try to help in anyway they can! Good job not caving, wine with dinner is my weakness and I know how hard it is. Enjoy feeling great and not hungover! That is the best reward of all!
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