He Text Me Saying Happy Birthday?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 127
He Text Me Saying Happy Birthday?
Well, if I wasn't confused about his actions, I am now!
I text XABF on Monday asking about money. He text me back saying that he got paid next week and to not text him anymore. That's fine by me, as I feel better when I don't speak to him.
Today is my birthday and he texts me out of the blue saying 'Best wishes for whatever you want, Happy Birthday.' I replied saying 'thank you' but what the hell is he doing? He never ever made a fuss of my birthday, I would have to beg him if we could go out for dinner.
I asked him if he was alright and he said that he's doing great, that I opened his eyes and he is starting his life again and he thanked me for it. I text back saying that I wasn't sure what I had done but I'm glad that he's doing great.
I am happy that he's doing good, I have no idea if he's stopped drinking and doing drugs or not. I felt conflicted if he has. Why couldn't he stop drinking when we were together? I have absolutely no interest in being with him ever again, I have loads of issues that have been caused by him. I feel so uncomfortable around alcohol, I'm finding it so difficult to trust new people and now I've hit my birthday, I'm panicking about the future - probably unnecessarily. I want to be with somebody and start a family but I feel so messed up. Where will I be in a years time?
But now that I've gone, has he sorted himself out? If he has, why didn't he do that 5/6 months ago?
He just text me right now saying that he has organised his life and he is focusing on finding someone. I hope he does find someone, but why tell me? I'm keeping civil at the moment, he still owes me money and I want things to remain OK between us.
I text XABF on Monday asking about money. He text me back saying that he got paid next week and to not text him anymore. That's fine by me, as I feel better when I don't speak to him.
Today is my birthday and he texts me out of the blue saying 'Best wishes for whatever you want, Happy Birthday.' I replied saying 'thank you' but what the hell is he doing? He never ever made a fuss of my birthday, I would have to beg him if we could go out for dinner.
I asked him if he was alright and he said that he's doing great, that I opened his eyes and he is starting his life again and he thanked me for it. I text back saying that I wasn't sure what I had done but I'm glad that he's doing great.
I am happy that he's doing good, I have no idea if he's stopped drinking and doing drugs or not. I felt conflicted if he has. Why couldn't he stop drinking when we were together? I have absolutely no interest in being with him ever again, I have loads of issues that have been caused by him. I feel so uncomfortable around alcohol, I'm finding it so difficult to trust new people and now I've hit my birthday, I'm panicking about the future - probably unnecessarily. I want to be with somebody and start a family but I feel so messed up. Where will I be in a years time?
But now that I've gone, has he sorted himself out? If he has, why didn't he do that 5/6 months ago?
He just text me right now saying that he has organised his life and he is focusing on finding someone. I hope he does find someone, but why tell me? I'm keeping civil at the moment, he still owes me money and I want things to remain OK between us.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,423
It's doubtful he has sorted himself out really.
He can say anything in a text and there is no way of confirming or not.
Relapse is unfortunately a big possibility even if he has stopped for the moment unless he has made major changes to embrace recovery.
I wouldn't "worry" he's gotten it together suddenly and no need to second guess your very wise decision to leave him
to his addiction.
How much money does he still owe you and has he been paying you on schedule as he promised?
The fact he said don't text him about it may mean he has changed his mind about honoring his debt.
Sorry to be paranoid, but you do understand once he really gets
that you aren't coming back he may just not keep paying.
His talk about finding someone might just be "fishing" to see if you are coming back by making you jealous.
Just a thought from an outside observer.
You will find a worthy person to start a family with in time
He can say anything in a text and there is no way of confirming or not.
Relapse is unfortunately a big possibility even if he has stopped for the moment unless he has made major changes to embrace recovery.
I wouldn't "worry" he's gotten it together suddenly and no need to second guess your very wise decision to leave him
to his addiction.
How much money does he still owe you and has he been paying you on schedule as he promised?
The fact he said don't text him about it may mean he has changed his mind about honoring his debt.
Sorry to be paranoid, but you do understand once he really gets
that you aren't coming back he may just not keep paying.
His talk about finding someone might just be "fishing" to see if you are coming back by making you jealous.
Just a thought from an outside observer.
You will find a worthy person to start a family with in time
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: OREGON
Posts: 228
My first reaction would be.... but this is just me.... yeah, sure you are doing good.... and he is trying to keep you on the line... and to be honest... I am sure he is thinking about you on your birthday. Dates have an impact on people.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 127
Yeah :/ I'm dreading our anniversary day in October. He is paying me back so I don't think it's the money issue. I do hope that he is getting himself sorted but maybe he is just fishing and seeing if I'm able to go back. Which is NO!
I'm just going to ignore it and focus on having a good birthday. Nice restaurant with sexy waiters tonight! Ha ha!
Thanks Hawkeye - I know in my heart that I've made the right decision, but I still get stupid doubts. I'm not jealous though, but I would like him to find someone else. Up and onwards!
I'm just going to ignore it and focus on having a good birthday. Nice restaurant with sexy waiters tonight! Ha ha!
Thanks Hawkeye - I know in my heart that I've made the right decision, but I still get stupid doubts. I'm not jealous though, but I would like him to find someone else. Up and onwards!
Stoic
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wash D.C.
Posts: 321
Here's what happened.
He got a notification from his calendar, facebook, any other number of reminder thingies, that it was your birthday...he tapped out a quick message to you...and hasn't thought about it again since.
So don't put any more worry into it, he sure isn't. =)
Happy Birthday!
He got a notification from his calendar, facebook, any other number of reminder thingies, that it was your birthday...he tapped out a quick message to you...and hasn't thought about it again since.
So don't put any more worry into it, he sure isn't. =)
Happy Birthday!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 78
Happy Birthday! The best gift you can give yourself is a new life. Living with an addict is complete hell.. Yes some people get sober, but the worry of relapse last a lifetime... I have 22 days NC today and I also get those sad moments where I find myself thinking of the good times we had, but the reality is there was way more chaos and fear then good... I gave my ex a second chance after the first relapse and guess what... another followed just months later.. Thinking back now, I'm questioning if he even stayed clean that long... It's definitely hard, but eventually I trust in time things will get easier.. One thing I got instantly was peace in my home.. No more riding his rollercoaster.. My days were based on my feelings and how I felt and that is much easier to handle than the unknown life of an addict.. Take care of yourself and embrace this new year, new beginning - you deserve it xoxoxox
Oh and by the way... I honestly believe everything he said was BS... If he was really ready to start fresh and was on the right track, he would dedicate his time to a 12step program and the last thing on his mind should be "focusing on finding someone else" Addicts are chronic liars.. Trust me I've been around many.. Everything he said to you was a lie to hurt you and make you jealous... I would forget him and the money he borrowed.. It will be worth it in the long run.. Cut him off completely and start No contact asap... He probably isn't going to pay you back anyways, he's just going to use it as bait to rattle your emotions so don't give him that power.. Addicts are like cancers that deplete you of everything , cut the tumor out and never look back!!!
xoxoxoxOh and by the way... I honestly believe everything he said was BS... If he was really ready to start fresh and was on the right track, he would dedicate his time to a 12step program and the last thing on his mind should be "focusing on finding someone else" Addicts are chronic liars.. Trust me I've been around many.. Everything he said to you was a lie to hurt you and make you jealous... I would forget him and the money he borrowed.. It will be worth it in the long run.. Cut him off completely and start No contact asap... He probably isn't going to pay you back anyways, he's just going to use it as bait to rattle your emotions so don't give him that power.. Addicts are like cancers that deplete you of everything , cut the tumor out and never look back!!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Happy Birthday!
Sometimes we think things into the ground. Just take the birthday wish and move on. He's an ex for a reason - leave him behind and free yourself from the constant analyzing of him.
Do something nice today and dream about a positive future and think about all the opportunities that await you in the next chapter of your life.
We all have fears and insecurities and are left feeling vulnerable at this point of our quest to know ourselves and our truths. We do not need to let those emotions consume us. We can take a day off now and then. A birthday seems like a good day for a vacation from it.
Sometimes we think things into the ground. Just take the birthday wish and move on. He's an ex for a reason - leave him behind and free yourself from the constant analyzing of him.
Do something nice today and dream about a positive future and think about all the opportunities that await you in the next chapter of your life.
We all have fears and insecurities and are left feeling vulnerable at this point of our quest to know ourselves and our truths. We do not need to let those emotions consume us. We can take a day off now and then. A birthday seems like a good day for a vacation from it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
i'm wondering, since you have an "agreement" that he is to pay you back - some amount and some time on a regular basis - is it NECESSARY to remain in contact? might be a pretty special BD gift to yourself to no longer engage with him.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 127
Unfortunately, I do need to stay in contact about the money but I have asked that all of it be paid in the next two months. I imagine that he was saying that he was going to find someone to make me jealous or hurt me but I didn't feel a damn thing!
Thank you all for the birthday wishes! I had a lovely dinner with my mum, a nice cake and we're chilling out for the rest of the night. I've put him out of my mind. As soon as this money is paid, then I won't need to contact him at all. He can do whatever he wants but I'm not letting him drag me down
Thank you all for the birthday wishes! I had a lovely dinner with my mum, a nice cake and we're chilling out for the rest of the night. I've put him out of my mind. As soon as this money is paid, then I won't need to contact him at all. He can do whatever he wants but I'm not letting him drag me down
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