The Truth.
~Music is my mantra ----{-@
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 146
The Truth.
I relapsed last night. I woke up this morning so hungover I didn't get out of bed until 3pm. I had plans to go to my sister in laws house to work on my resume, but I cancelled and told her it was because I was having an attack of IBS. I do have IBS, but that of course wasn't the truth. It was because I was too hungover to think straight. I drank not one, but two pints of vodka, and could feel the poison seeping out through my body all day long. My face still feels puffy, my whole entire body feels bloated. I actually drove to the liquor store down the street drunk to get the second pint. I drove drunk!!!! I can't even believe how stupid I was.
I feel so ashamed and so low...I can't stand myself right now. I had some time under my belt, and now I have to start all over again. I'm so tired of this illness....I just want it to go the f*uck away and leave me the hell alone. It is stealing my life away.
I guess on a happier note, I didn't pick up today, and I'm not going to tomorrow either. If I want to again (day three is when it hits me hard), I'm going to come back to this thread and read it. I don't want to feel like this anymore! Never again!!!!!
I feel so ashamed and so low...I can't stand myself right now. I had some time under my belt, and now I have to start all over again. I'm so tired of this illness....I just want it to go the f*uck away and leave me the hell alone. It is stealing my life away.
I guess on a happier note, I didn't pick up today, and I'm not going to tomorrow either. If I want to again (day three is when it hits me hard), I'm going to come back to this thread and read it. I don't want to feel like this anymore! Never again!!!!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
Hi DragonInTheSky 
I'm glad you made it back - thats often the hardest bit.
I don't think you've lost anything your learned or accomplished during your sober time...maybe it's best to think of this as version 2.0.
Look at what you've been doing for your recovery - then think about what else you can add.
You can do this - you can make this a stumble not a complete reboot
D
I'm glad you made it back - thats often the hardest bit.
I don't think you've lost anything your learned or accomplished during your sober time...maybe it's best to think of this as version 2.0.
Look at what you've been doing for your recovery - then think about what else you can add.
You can do this - you can make this a stumble not a complete reboot
D
~Music is my mantra ----{-@
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 146
Thank you Dee. I love you guys, the support and encouragement is so helpful. 
Not really sure what this little dude is supposed to be, (a dancing snowman perhaps?)...but he's cute and makes me happy. I will name him Fred....Fred the dancing snowman guy.
Wow, I already feel so much better just getting that confession off my chest instead of holding it all in and feeling guilty.
Not really sure what this little dude is supposed to be, (a dancing snowman perhaps?)...but he's cute and makes me happy. I will name him Fred....Fred the dancing snowman guy. Wow, I already feel so much better just getting that confession off my chest instead of holding it all in and feeling guilty.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: England
Posts: 808
Just nip it in the bud and get right back on track friend, think about what caused you to trigger this time and how you can avoid or deal with that trigger next time. Then you have yet another tool in your arsenal to maintain sobriety!
Well done for coming on here and getting it off your chest rather than just wallowing in sorrow, that really takes a lot of strength massive respect for that.
Well done for coming on here and getting it off your chest rather than just wallowing in sorrow, that really takes a lot of strength massive respect for that.
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
Welcome back, Dragon! Everyone with one year of sobriety all the way to the old timers with 50+ years starts at Day 1. Many of us have several Day 1s. I think this is a good time to really open your heart and accept yourself for who you are. You, like me, are an alcoholic. We have an obsession of the mind and an allergy of the body. If you are like me, alcohol isn't your problem, it's your answer. No matter what the question is, alcohol can answer it. That's the rub, isn't it? The thing that is killing us is the only thing we know that relieves our disease. Dis-ease. Isn't that what we're trying to fix with alcohol? Our disease?
What's worked for me is learning and adopting a lifestyle in which I am no longer afraid. I'm not afraid anymore nor am I lonely or hiding. I've had to come to a whole new way of thinking about humility and honesty. I've come to use gratitude and acceptance where I once used anger and fear. I've learned to live in humility, not humiliation. To quote Wikipedia: " Whereas humility can be sought alone as a means to de-emphasise the ego, humiliation must involve other person(s), though not necessarily directly or willingly."
Much of my learning has come from working with other sober alcoholics. I've got a sponsor and a homegroup in AA. I've also learned a lot from my reading and posting here in SR. My best advice is to find a sober alcoholic who has what you want. Ask them how they did it and follow their direction. Don't fight this alone. In fact, don't fight at all. Acceptance had been the gateway for a whole new life for me. Every day i'm sober is a miracle. I honestly believe that if i can get sober, anyone can.
What's worked for me is learning and adopting a lifestyle in which I am no longer afraid. I'm not afraid anymore nor am I lonely or hiding. I've had to come to a whole new way of thinking about humility and honesty. I've come to use gratitude and acceptance where I once used anger and fear. I've learned to live in humility, not humiliation. To quote Wikipedia: " Whereas humility can be sought alone as a means to de-emphasise the ego, humiliation must involve other person(s), though not necessarily directly or willingly."
Much of my learning has come from working with other sober alcoholics. I've got a sponsor and a homegroup in AA. I've also learned a lot from my reading and posting here in SR. My best advice is to find a sober alcoholic who has what you want. Ask them how they did it and follow their direction. Don't fight this alone. In fact, don't fight at all. Acceptance had been the gateway for a whole new life for me. Every day i'm sober is a miracle. I honestly believe that if i can get sober, anyone can.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Dragon,
For me to get a day one I had to be so sick that drinking that day (or the next) was not tempting at all. Because I was so incredibly hungover on June 27, I felt like I had an automatic three day running start. From what you describe after those two pints of vodka, I think you can use that rotten, sick, bloated feeling as ammo to do it this time.
Just think, you don't ever have to feel that way again. The way I've managed to stay sober for 39 days is the memory of that hangover in June. I never, ever want to feel that way again. Keep the memory close of how you felt. I can relate to the feelings of shame from always canceling plans due to hangovers. I use the fact that I don't have to cancel any more in the future as a motivator to stay sober.
For me to get a day one I had to be so sick that drinking that day (or the next) was not tempting at all. Because I was so incredibly hungover on June 27, I felt like I had an automatic three day running start. From what you describe after those two pints of vodka, I think you can use that rotten, sick, bloated feeling as ammo to do it this time.
Just think, you don't ever have to feel that way again. The way I've managed to stay sober for 39 days is the memory of that hangover in June. I never, ever want to feel that way again. Keep the memory close of how you felt. I can relate to the feelings of shame from always canceling plans due to hangovers. I use the fact that I don't have to cancel any more in the future as a motivator to stay sober.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
The good news is that you don't have to feel like this ever again. You can choose to, but you don't have to make that choice.
If you're like me you'll want to drink again. I had to be prepared for that feeling.
Once I had dealt with that feeling long enough it started to go away. Freedom from that feeling, that compulsion, that obsession, is better than any buzz booze ever gave me.
You can do this!
If you're like me you'll want to drink again. I had to be prepared for that feeling.
Once I had dealt with that feeling long enough it started to go away. Freedom from that feeling, that compulsion, that obsession, is better than any buzz booze ever gave me.
You can do this!
Cat Lady
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 164
I agree with everyone. Yes... Relapses are awful but use this as motivation to not drink again! Give yourself a few days to recover and I say, write down everything that led up to your relapse. Study it, and hopefully you can identify those triggers and avoid them.
You do not ever have to feel that way again. Ever. Just remember the triggers and how you felt after and during (which I'm assuming is terrible, by what you said in the post).
Keep your chin up! You CAN get sober once an for all!
You do not ever have to feel that way again. Ever. Just remember the triggers and how you felt after and during (which I'm assuming is terrible, by what you said in the post).
Keep your chin up! You CAN get sober once an for all!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,413
This can be your very last Day 1
As was said earlier, write down what you did, analyze it, and make a plan that's better.
Follow it, get as much support as you need, and post here before you drink if you are tempted again.
As was said earlier, write down what you did, analyze it, and make a plan that's better.
Follow it, get as much support as you need, and post here before you drink if you are tempted again.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,010
Originally Posted by DisplacedGRITS 
Welcome back, Dragon! Everyone with one year of sobriety all the way to the old timers with 50+ years starts at Day 1. Many of us have several Day 1s. I think this is a good time to really open your heart and accept yourself for who you are. You, like me, are an alcoholic. We have an obsession of the mind and an allergy of the body. If you are like me, alcohol isn't your problem, it's your answer. No matter what the question is, alcohol can answer it. That's the rub, isn't it? The thing that is killing us is the only thing we know that relieves our disease. Dis-ease. Isn't that what we're trying to fix with alcohol? Our disease?
What's worked for me is learning and adopting a lifestyle in which I am no longer afraid. I'm not afraid anymore nor am I lonely or hiding. I've had to come to a whole new way of thinking about humility and honesty. I've come to use gratitude and acceptance where I once used anger and fear. I've learned to live in humility, not humiliation. To quote Wikipedia: " Whereas humility can be sought alone as a means to de-emphasise the ego, humiliation must involve other person(s), though not necessarily directly or willingly."
Much of my learning has come from working with other sober alcoholics. I've got a sponsor and a homegroup in AA. I've also learned a lot from my reading and posting here in SR. My best advice is to find a sober alcoholic who has what you want. Ask them how they did it and follow their direction. Don't fight this alone. In fact, don't fight at all. Acceptance had been the gateway for a whole new life for me. Every day i'm sober is a miracle. I honestly believe that if i can get sober, anyone can.
What's worked for me is learning and adopting a lifestyle in which I am no longer afraid. I'm not afraid anymore nor am I lonely or hiding. I've had to come to a whole new way of thinking about humility and honesty. I've come to use gratitude and acceptance where I once used anger and fear. I've learned to live in humility, not humiliation. To quote Wikipedia: " Whereas humility can be sought alone as a means to de-emphasise the ego, humiliation must involve other person(s), though not necessarily directly or willingly."
Much of my learning has come from working with other sober alcoholics. I've got a sponsor and a homegroup in AA. I've also learned a lot from my reading and posting here in SR. My best advice is to find a sober alcoholic who has what you want. Ask them how they did it and follow their direction. Don't fight this alone. In fact, don't fight at all. Acceptance had been the gateway for a whole new life for me. Every day i'm sober is a miracle. I honestly believe that if i can get sober, anyone can.
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